My husband has a very good job. I a self employed, I don't earn much but I love what I do and work hard, and it allows me to work part time to care for our toddler. I am also pregnant.
We have been together for 14 years and always had separate bank accounts.
Over time he has paid for more and more bills, and as our house / mortgage has grown and he has earned more he was required to cover this. For this I am grateful. I buy everything for our toddler and always have, most food shopping and I have never asked him for anything for me personally.
Now (and especially as I haven't been able to work since March / corona virus and nursery closed) he hasn't given me any money. I received 35% of my normal pay from the government which isn't much and I used this on my few bills and our daughter. I have nothing in my bank account.
I paid for some food shopping on a credit card last week as we had little food in the house. This annoyed him, and I said how am I supposed to buy anything with no money?! His only response was, I'll have to send you the money to pay off the credit card.
If I tell him how difficult it is having no income, his response is, maybe you should do a different job. As if its as easy as that?! Especially when my hours are convenient for childcare. And I've actually studied and worked really hard to build my business up from nothing.
He has a very expensive golf membership, has just joined a swanky gym, has £50 haircuts and regularly has parcels arriving at the house for new shoes etc. But he insists we don't have much money. Its true we don't have tons, but this is because we are in the process of building a house. He also goes on a few holidays abroad every years with friends. And I go nowhere.
From the outside I think people think I'm so lucky because of the new house build and we live in a lovely area and I only work part time. But I can't even afford deodorant and live on beans on toast whilst he buys himself lunch at work everyday.
I really don't think its a control thing. I think he just thinks that I should do more and earn more. He is lucky that from leaving uni he stepped in to a great job and loves what he does. I always get the impression he thinks I'm lazy - even though I do 90% of everything at home, have my own business, and childcare. He often talks about me doing different jobs and what could earn us more. I think he's disappointed in me.
I've been used to living this way for a long time. I went back to work when my daughter was 7 months old as I was so sick of having no money. But since lockdown and not being able to work and receiving so little from the government (£300 a month for 3 months and £0 for the last 2 months) I just don't know what to do?!