Husband is leaving me and I’m in bits

[Qwincy]

Please help or advise. After a long conversation, my husband has decided to leave me.
We’ve been together 20 years, married for 12 and have 10 yr old Twins.
Things haven’t been right for a while - lack of sex mainly- but we are 100% best friends and have a brilliant life together. Or so I thought. But he now says he loves me but isn’t in love with me and it’s torn me apart, I want to on it but he doesn’t.
This can’t be happening, I’m so lost and upset. Anyone got any tips, advice or just words of wisdom to get me through this.
Xxx

[GreyGreenDoor]

He’s lying, I’m afraid. You know that.
But that’s his fault not yours.
Steel yourself for revelations later and good luck.
Don’t be too kind. Consider yourself and children first and foremost.
He’s telling you, that you don’t love him, as an excuse for his behaviour.
Don’t accommodate him

[GreyGreenDoor]

There have been some very long cases on here, and there were stages that lots of people went through in this situation.
Hopefully someone will come and share the link.

It seems impossible to believe it will happen now, but forewarned is forearmed

And I apologise for sounding so mean.

[JulesCobb]

He’s telling you, that you don’t love him, as an excuse for his behaviour.
Thats just made me mad too. How dare he Tell You how you feel to justify his actions! He has changed the narrative from he decided to leave, to you both realised you werent in love anymore and decided to break up. Wanker. Dont trust him.

[SuperbMonkey]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3959100-Some-Friendly-Words-Support-Group-Part-5

@Qwincy, come along and join us! You might find some comfort to know that you are not alone. We’re all there and working through it as best we can.

[Qwincy]

Thought I’d update you all.
Life is so much better right now, it’s been incredibly tough but I’m here and feeling so good about my life.
He issued for divorce and whilst unpleasant, it’s given me the detachment to realise we are over. I’m selling my home in The new year and with the spilt equity I should be able to get a nice home that’s just mine and my daughters and I’m looking forward to that.
My daughters are doing so well, I’ve been honest with them from the start and our relationship is actually stronger as we are getting through this together. They see their dad 2 nights a week and are happy with it,
I’ve lost over 2 stone in weight and feeling better about myself, I’ve even had a couple of old friends and an ex message me about meeting up for a date. I’m not ready for that yet, but it’s nice to know there are options out there.

I was so broken and couldn’t see my future beyond being married but everyone was right, time is the best healer and I’m really looking forward to 2021 and a new start.
There’s always going to be ups and downs and I still have a little cry now and then when I feel overwhelmed with the changing in my life path, but I find it easy to pick myself up and get through the day.
Thanks for all your help peeps xxx

[houseinthesnow]

Thank you for your update op. You sound so much stronger than before! Keep going, you are over the worst of it now.
Next year keep planning your new start, maybe a holiday. Get the girls involved with your house decoration, it can be done in exactly your taste and to suit you all.
Life is hard, but you are coming through it so very well. Take care

[Qwincy]

You’re right with involving the children. They need to feel as if they have control over this and not isn’t something that is being done to them, if I can with COVID, I’m going to take them to some house viewings and let them feel they have some input.
I’m so lucky as my grandad has booked and paid for me and the twins to have a summer holiday abroad next year so we have got that to look forward to as well.
Life is definitely brighter, and I’ve realised I can do this and I’m not on my own xx

[impossible]

Nice to see you're managing. Things aren't as you planned but it's good that you are able to move on, stay close to your dcs and they to their dad.

Life does throw unexpected horrors from time to time but you are showing your dcs how to move forward when things go wrong. Hope you all have a brilliant 2021.

[GotTheWrongBook]

@HarmlessChap
I remember you writing about splitting with your DW and I (with a different username) wished you well.
I’m pleased to hear that you’ve found someone else and you’re happy.
Good on you.

[Qwincy]

Thank you, I can’t believe the change in me. I am so much happier, guess I didn’t realise how unhappy my marriage was actually making me. I’m not quite ready for dating yet. But it’s nice to know there are possibilities out there once this divorce is over.

[Imogen2011]

Hi I wondered if anyone could offer any help, my husband of 13 years has just told me he’s leaving me for someone else he met on fb a few months ago, he said he’s not been happy for a while but I believe he’s been flattered by the attention, I am broken struggling to look after my 3 children and have contemplated ending my life several times over the last week, I can’t bare the thought of him going to someone else, I love him so much ?

[EleanorOlephantisjustfine]

I think you can be fairly sure he’s having an affair with her. Men rarely leave to be on their own.

[toolazytothinkofausername]

Zombie thread alert

[DiaryofWimpyMumm]

@Imogen2011

Start a new thread you'll get more support that way.

[EleanorOlephantisjustfine]

I’ve just seen your update. Really pleased for you that you’re doing well.

[HopeMumsnet]

Hi there,
We will close this thread now as it appears to be an old one that has been revived. @Imogen2011 we are terribly sorry you are having such a tough time, perhaps the thing to do is start a new thread so that our lovely MNers can offer you some support? Go to the top of the page and press 'Start new message on this topic' and take it from there.