Men are not born to believe they are superior so what is going wrong to create so many abusers?

[Fightingback16]

Bit of a large assumption but even if you look on here there are so many women being abused.

In my example it was my ex husbands fathers doing as he was abusive.

Why are so many men narcissistic what is going so wildly wrong out there. How are mothers (And the rest of the family) raising sons to be so damaged?

Can't believe you're blaming mothers or women!

We live in a patriarchal society where men are socialised to feel superior to women. There is a lot of hatred or misogyny in society and men imbibe these messages from a young age.

'You fight like a girl.'
'You run like a girl.'
'Don't be such a girl.'
'You're crying like a little girl.'

Girls are something you don't want to be. Weak and inferior, easily dismissed, ridiculed.

Girls are socialised to 'play nice'; that they are failures if they aren't partnered, it's their fault if their relationship fails.

There is a hierarchy and men are at the top and women are below them. This is how it's been for thousands of years. You can't blame mothers and mothers only for abusive men. It's a huge problem in society with one in 4 women being affected by abuse in their lifetime and we have no idea on rape statistics as it's so rarely reported.

Men are raping and abusing women with impunity because we have a misogynist justice system often combined with a jury fed rape myths. The majority of rapes (90%) are by someone the woman knows and are often very difficult to prove. Men know they can get away with it, relying on male entitlement (boys will be boys) and female shame.

Porn is now ubiquitous and it is full of woman hating violence. It's teaching boys about sex and the lessons are phallocentric and aggressive.

We have woman haters in power in all aspects of society. Women are harassed in the streets, at work, on public transport etc because women are inferior to men and there to be intimated and harassed. Reduced to their bodies in public spaces which belong to men.

Women are society's punchbags and scapegoats.

Because you’re reading a relationship board where people specifically post about their problems, and you’re extrapolating what you’re reading to the full population. Erroneously.

That's bullshit heartache.

Great post @namechange12a

@heartache590 illustrates an example of how women aren't really being abused, they're making it up for legal aid and men are victims of this.

Misogynist messaging.

DARVO
-Deny - Women aren't being abused

• Accuse - Women are making it up for legal aid
• Reverse Victim Offender - Men are killing themselves because of this

I didn’t mean anything by women, I made a mistake saying it like that, I just mean as a mother myself.

Patriarchy. It gives them a sense of ownership and entitlement which justifies their behaviour to them.

Because it goes through the family until someone stops the cycle. Boys learn from an abusive male role model and it is repeated.
I agree with name change, very well put.

I didn’t mean anything by women, I made a mistake saying it like that, I just mean as a mother myself.

I suppose that shows you how patriarchal society seeps in to everyone. Even though you aren't sexist and think about these issues, you accidentally make sexist assumptions (it's abusive men's mothers who are to blame). These ideas are all around us, even in the language that we use. That gives you some idea of how men also pick up these ideas.

My husbands mum went through a great deal in her marriage. My husband as a young boy stood in front of his mum and took the beating from his drunk father. She obviously feels shame, she has no idea what her son is like as she either denies it or his mask has fooled her to. Was it her responsibility to have taken her children away from that or to have sought some counselling for him to help him make sense of it?

There was a really good video going round social media a while ago about how it would be for a man if roles were reversed. If men were brought up in a society where from a young age, they are taught to be careful what they wear, to be careful what they say so they don't get harassed, to be careful not to get raped or abused. Basically teaching them that women are predators and if anything happens to them it is their fault for asking for it or it was their behaviour that invited it. How shocking it would be if men were raised like that.
Now look at that is how women are taught that in society. Every day. Every day thay are taught that. If you get abused, it is your fault.
It was a really good video, can't remember what it was called.

Now I have a child, a little girl who hopefully is young enough to never remember what happened to me. If I had stayed she would think that was normal. If I had a son he would perhaps become abusive. I can only see it as my responsibility as a mother to save them from this. My mother-in law decided the best think to do was to stay with her husband until the kids finished college. Why would she do that, letting her son take a beating for her?

It is always the abusers responsibility not to abuse. Always.

Masculine gender norms in our society are damaging to both women and men. Toxic masculinity. I believe some men have a huge amount of inner anger about who they have to be - tough, emotionless etc. There’s an element of jealousy in their hatred of women, deep down they know that women are at least as capable and strong as they are. Plus we have the ability to feel and express our emotions with female friendship groups. Some men are very uncomfortable that we are superior to them and want to put us back in our place. Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Yes I can see that men do have a hard time also having to be tough and not show their emotions.

Please, men can and do show their emotions just fine.
That’s just the boo-hoo poor men nonsense.

The patriarchy is just damaging, everyone is constrained by its rigid roles. Women as the underclass take the brunt but perpetuate it anyway.

The only reason men are socialised not to show emotions, is so that they aren't like women. Women are emotional or 'hysterics' (Greek for womb) and men are rational.

OP, women are also misogynist. They internalise societies' messages about the inferiority of women and negative female stereotypes. Read any woman's magazine ripping women to shreds or the Daily Mail sidebar of shame - all written by women.

There has been a 4,400% increase in the amount of girls wanting gender reassignment. Who wants to be weak and inferior? To be reduced to lazy stereotypes? Unfairly judged, demeaned and scapegoated?

Who wants to be a girl?

Do men and women have actual differences in the brain?

Without the usual stereotypes.

No, there's no difference brain wise. Gender is learned. One is not born but is made a woman - De Beauvoir. We learn to be feminine or masculine and those ideas are societal ie according to how our culture views these stereotypes.

Men have no problem showing emotions. They sulk, shout, stomp around, get scary angry, kiss up at work, nice guy with his mates, sweet and charming when trying to get laid.

The patriarchy doesn't harm men. They created it and benefit from it in every way.

@Fightingback16

Do men and women have actual differences in the brain?

Yes they do - they are caused by the differences in quantity of the hormone testosterone.

@terracottapot Women also have testosterone. There's no such thing as 'lady brain' or 'boy brain' - it's a largely debunked myth.