Men are not born to believe they are superior so what is going wrong to create so many abusers?

[Fightingback16]

Bit of a large assumption but even if you look on here there are so many women being abused.

In my example it was my ex husbands fathers doing as he was abusive.

Why are so many men narcissistic what is going so wildly wrong out there. How are mothers (And the rest of the family) raising sons to be so damaged?

I have my mum but she is no support emotionally and only new friends. The local domestic abuse charity I used has stopped running since the virus. Really I wasted a lot of money not really understanding the man he was. I changed lawyer because he was exploiting me and now have a lovely lady who is a domestic abuse specialist. The other lawyer wasted my money going back and forth giving dates me husband ignored.
I don’t want to go to court but he won’t leave the house or do anything and I have no choice. This really is the worst experience, it’s hard.

I spent a lot of money trying to sort out contact and offered contact Centers etc which got absolutely nowhere. I didn’t understand the complexity of it all. I thought he would want the best for our daughter. I’m shocked at how bad my husband is. I have done my Form e and left the dv out of it.

If you are fighting on the finances and child access then this man means to do you in. Children are another way to control you. Men who are violent do women despise them and the children, seeing them as little opportunities to make the mother suffer.

I am really sorry to hear what is happening to you but in offering contact centres etc he will just fight like hell not to have that stigma and fight all the more.

Please harden your heart to him. He doesn’t just aim to hit you physically. The courts are very tough places. You have to know that your emotion about your children will not be recognised. You must work the systems there are with a good lawyer.

You need emotional support. Because you mention new friends I guess that your ex alienated the ones you had or you had to give them to. Call them and reconnect. Do it for you and your kids.

I have the first hearing in a month by phone so at least I don’t have to go in. He rejected the contact Center then tried to offer something else in return which suited him. I said no and I’ve heard nothing about contact since then and he hasn’t seen her. He has rang up my lawyer and abused her verbally though. He is plotting something. I know he won’t do his form e in time and I have no choice but to pay more money to get him out of the house. I dislike him immensely.

@Fightingback16 Are you currently in the marital home?

My ex changed the locks within hours of me leaving with the kids for our own safety (he pushed me). I never did get back in or get any possessions. It's the baby photos that kill me the most. He also lied on his Form E (own business).

No he pushed me out the house and told me if I returned he’d do something I’d regret, I took dd who was only 2 at the time. He put up cctv an alarm system straight after. I knew something was going widely wrong so I took all out passports and important stuff a while before that after he threatened to rip my wedding rings off my finger.

When my dad died he really changed, he was enjoying watching me suffer, he hated me. It was a very odd time!

@Fightingback16 That's awful. Where did you go?
I stayed with my parents for six weeks with one son (he took the other away for a week, I didn't know where he'd gone), then I managed to privately rent a damp and mouldy two-bed. Kids were 3 and 6. It was all I could afford at the time. Didn't have any money for furniture so all of us slept in a donated double bed for six months. It was rough, but it was a roof over our heads. I lost loads of weight as I couldn't afford to eat much the weeks I didn't have the kids. But somehow I got through.
Financially it's still very difficult but not quite as bad as it was.

@Nicknamegoeshere and @Fightingback16 that sounds so hard for you both. So pleased that you were able to get out, although it was very difficult.

@Nicknamegoeshere I am still with my mum since last Feb 2019. I went through a very rough patch, apparently I was traumatised and it wasn’t until Dec that I really knew the extent of what had happened. My daughter ended up in an ambulance because of my husbands lack of care with her allergy. I was advised to stop contact...long story but I’m finally feeling stronger to get this sorted. Lockdown has given me time to rest my brain and he has left me alone. I need the equity from the family home, my lawyer is going for a transfer or property but who knows. I spent a long time thinking he will wake up and do what’s right for his daughter but that has long passed now.

We are very lucky that we have my mum. She finds it hard with us here as she has M.S but I think she likes the company since my dad died. I would really like my own space though! It winds me up that he is in the house. It’s gone basically derelict. The weeds are 2 feet high, all my lovely grasses in pots on the front drive are dead. It has no soul anymore, just like him! He says he can’t stand living in it because of the memories, but 16 months later and he still in it!