DP sulking as I wasn't available

[Fuzzyplant100]

Had a text from DP this morning (we don't live together) to say should he buy a bbq and come over to mine this afternoon with his DS. I replied and said sorry I can't today, me and DS are going to my parents for some food.

DP now seems to be sulking - taking forever to reply to messages, and only a few words each time. Nothing like normal. Definitely coming across as quite shitty in his messages.

Should I say something or just wait for him to get over it? I think he was expecting me to be available (i normally am), or cancel my plans with my Mum Maybe I should have?

Why would you cancel your plans? Do you want to be joined at the hip to a sulky man child

Whoever asks first gets you.

Nip this in the bud now. It's not good.

Was he hoping you’d entertain his child for him and/or feed them?

I’ve been in a grump all day. Fucking hate this weather, stupidly early start, house has been roasting, toddler has been desperate to go outside and I’m having a torrential period and feeling weak as hell. But I don’t sulk. Sulking is for losers.

Ignore him. He’s being a brat.

Of course you shouldn't have cancelled on your mum.

He's being ridiculous. I'd ignore his weird behaviour till he snaps out of it and if he doesn't, well, there really was no future with this one

Why on earth should you have cancelled your mum??

Is he actually sulking or is he just having a bbq with his son?

Sulking is so very unnattractive.

You had plans with your mum. Don't feel guilty. Pandering to a sulking man? Thats a road you do not want to go down.

I'd ask him outright if he's annoyed with you and see what he says? It might be that he has something unconnected going on that's making him seem off, but if he is sulky because you said no, then I think it's better to bring it up as an issue than to ignore it and wait for him to get over it.

Maybe he's just busy this afternoon/ evening so not much time to reply to texts?

@Pollypocket89 He's definitely sulking!
He's not had a bbq - been playing Xbox with his son all afternoon.

@mujila He has a habit of getting moody if I bring up anything to do with his 'behaviour' so I don't usually.

Tip toeing around his moods? Sulking? Cut your losses.

How long have you been together? A good test is to say No, early and often. If they have a negative reaction to a perfectly reasonable No then they fail the test.

I wish I had known this, would have saved years of hardship.

Don't doubt yourself, it was absolutely fine to go to your mums. Please don't let it ruin your time there as suspect he wants to pass on his misery. If a grown man can't react well to this then he is likely to be emotionally unhealthy.

He's not had a bbq - been playing Xbox with his son all afternoon.

So he’d have bought a bbq to take to yours but not for his son to enjoy?

Definitely sounds like he was hoping you’d cater and entertain them both. Oh well. Shame his son missed out but that’s on his dad.

I agree with Mandalalorianna, he has you questioning your decisions, and not bringing up his negative behaviour. These are not good characteristics for a DP to have.

@Techway We've been together just over 2 years. I don't usually say no to him - I don't really have a need to. I wasn't expecting him to want to come over today so I didn't think there was any harm in taking DS to my Mum's!

Why are you wasting your time with this passive-aggressive manchild who resents the other relationships in your life? Do you really not see how unacceptable and abusive this is? This is the kind of man you want around your child?

It's time to give your head a massive wobble.

I would either ignore him for a good wee while, or text him and say "what is your problem mate?"

what a Knob

When someone shows you who they are believe them. This man is using sulking aka emotional abuse to further try and control you. You’ve already been conditioned here not to bring up his behaviour because he has a habit of getting moody so you do not. What does that tell you about him. He is not a good man, throw this one back in the pond before you get further hurt.

Anyone who leaves you confused or unsettled is a red flag and you need to step back - not to understand him but to take time to explore and understand your own feelings, expectations and boundaries.

Make a list of all the “little” incidents and micro aggressions / behaviours that have felt “off” over the the course of your relationship. Each on their own might look petty but consolidated so you can see the totality, frequency and pattern may we’ll be enlightening and even shocking.

Of course you should have cancelled your mum. You should run any plans past your DP first, to make sure he doesn't need you to entertain him. Actually, don't make any plans at all, so you can always be on standby for him.

Sound good OP?

If you communicate with him again it should only be to say this relationship no longer works for you so it is over.

@TwentyViginti It does actually feel a bit like I need to be on standby for him, but I'm not sure why I feel like that

You feel like you have to be on standby for him because you are used to putting him first. Why is that?

What an arse!
Think it’s time to rethink this one OP.