DP sulking as I wasn't available

[Fuzzyplant100]

Had a text from DP this morning (we don't live together) to say should he buy a bbq and come over to mine this afternoon with his DS. I replied and said sorry I can't today, me and DS are going to my parents for some food.

DP now seems to be sulking - taking forever to reply to messages, and only a few words each time. Nothing like normal. Definitely coming across as quite shitty in his messages.

Should I say something or just wait for him to get over it? I think he was expecting me to be available (i normally am), or cancel my plans with my Mum Maybe I should have?

The fact that he's made you feel like you have to be at his beck and call means he's abusive.

This is horrible OP.
You know it's abusive.
You walk on eggshells.
You are expected to be at his beck and call.
You are expected to pay for him and his food and his part of the bills for over half a week, every week.
He is moody when he doesn't get his own way.
You are questioning whether you should have cancelled plans with your family.
Honestly.... what are you doing????
This is not a good one OP.
Throw him back.
You got into this too quickly after an abusive relationship.
Just because your Ex was 100% abusive, doesn't mean you have to settle for 60% abusive.
WTF would you?
Not a good example to be setting your DS.
Not a good life for you.
So why???
Put YOU first for a change.
And get some counselling to understand why you think this is all you deserve!

You are only finding out the real him now because for once you put your own needs first. Things go real nice when you are available and waiting and watching to supply his needs.
But that is a relationship carefully managed by you to give him full control. He goes to your house on his terms. Holidays on his terms.
He doesn't like being at your mother's because he hates seeing you give someone else your attention. He is jealous of that. That's why he would be sulky and moody and difficukt in those situations.

I once read on here, a few months in to a relationship, say no to him. Dont make excuses, dont be apologetic, just a simple no that doesn't work for me. And see his reaction.

Youve have never said no to him before. And the first time you do, he reacts in a typically abusive way. Sulking / ignoring you is emotional abuse. It is done to control your reactions next time, because you won't want the sulking / ignoring.

Just ignore him go and have a nice time at your mums he will have to get over it

Wow I wasn't expecting so many replies, that's so nice of everyone.

So I pretty much got ignored for the rest of the day yesterday. He was off with me, a bit crappy and I got very few texts.

He has text this morning and asked whether I want to do something with the kids today. I don't actually have any plans but I'm fairly certain we will have a repeat of yesterday if say no

@vikingwife I think he would have left the bbq at mine rather than cleaned it and taken it home, as he probably spends more time at mine than his.

I'm fairly certain we will have a repeat of yesterday if say no

So say no and you'll get your answer, unless you want to spend your life dancing to his tune at the expense of being yourself and seeing your own family and child.

I suspect this is about not wanting to actually parent his child alone.

How often does he have his child & not seek to spend the day with you? Does he seek out 1 on 1 time with his kid?

Now he is trying to pull you back in. Note there is no apology from him either; such people never apologise nor actually accept any responsibility for their actions.

He just wants another set of eyes to watch his child.

He can't even be bothered to use the phone to talk to you directly; just a text message. You deserve better than this and for that matter so does your son.

If there is any more communication between you it should be from you to say that this relationship is now at an end.

Ask him what he's got in mind. I bet it will be some version of 'come and hang out at your house while you make food'.

Actually, say you'll come over to his and see what happens. Would he cook or have food in?

He has got someone providing meals 3/4 times a week & inadvertently helping to keep an eye on his kid when he has visitation - he is a shithouse parent & is using you I suspect.

I could tell as soon as he went from “fun BBQ day!” To “stay inside all day with video games”.

Is this all you think you deserve? Paying for a man and entertaining his child because he can't be arsed to? Being afraid of him sulking when you dare to say no?

Think how much money you are spending, feeding him half the week - all the meals and snacks. You could save that money for treats like days out for yourself and YOUR child.

Do you have very low esteem? The result of your previous abusive relationship?

I could tell as soon as he went from “fun BBQ day!” To “stay inside all day with video games”.

Indeed. We all see what he is. Except OP, seemingly.

Say no. Assert yourself and you'll see his true colours. A nasty, sulky, abusive twat who wants you to watch, entertain and feed his offspring because that all he thonks you are good for.

Time to prove him wrong.

*thinks

he has a habit of getting moody if I bring up anything about his behaviours

What have you brought up in the past?
What if anything has he engaged with, compromised or adapted behaviour wise?

I’m not sure he’s after a baby sitter - I didn’t meet his DS for a long time then for the next 6 months me and my DS weren’t invited to anything they did. It’s only been the past 6 months or so that he’s suggested doing things all together

@Sssloou I've brought up a couple of things in the past and that didn't go down too well so I don't really bother anymore.

Just tell him that you find people who sulk when they don't get their own way very unattractive.

See how he reacts to that.

You are avoiding conflicts with him. But you need to see how well the two of you handle conflicts before you decide how this relationship will develop.

A lot of people seem ok when things go their way. The real friends are ones that cope well with disappointment and adversity.

he is USING you.... completely using you... look at what he does with his DS when you were not avail... he needs you to feed and entertain his DS and Him.. for FREE.... please see this freeloader for what he is... Vile 🌺

What were they?

Don't ever put this big baby in front of your mum. I would just ignore his sulking and make plans to do things with family/friends more often so he gets used to you not being available at the snap of his fingers.

OP you are not addressing how much he is costing you. Why is that?