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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling abandoned

216 replies

Bobbins · 16/09/2002 20:22

OK, as many of you will know, my partner and I are going through very difficult times at the moment. I feel like he just can't face these problems and prefers to stay out night after night. Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in him. How could I have had a child with such a man. The problems started from when I was first pregnant really. I obviously had to give up a large part of my social life, but my partner saw no reason why he should. I have tried to negotiate compromises...eg; you can go out whenever you want, just don't come back really drunk, and let me know when you will be home. If I know what's going to happen, then I can make alternative arrangements.

Now though, it seems that we do not have any kind of a life together. The only time we spend together is tense.

The sad thing is, Ireally feel like I need him now. When I try to talk about these problems calmly he acts like I'm taking the p*, or like a social worker. If I get angry he thinks I'm acting like I'm in the right, little miss perfect..... blah de blah. I've never claimed to be perfect. I think when you have children (lose children) there is and inevitability that you are going to change. I would like to go out with him, and come home before the daylight. This seems impossible at the moment. I wish I was able to say that this relationship is doing me no favours, and get out, but I've been through so much upheaval recently I don't feel strong enough. BUT, being with him is making me constantly anxious, not least because I worry about him, his health, his finances, his well being.

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Bobbins · 17/05/2003 16:31

Scummy> you are so right

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ScummyMummy · 17/05/2003 16:31

I was just thinking that as I scrolled up and down! About you being remarkably chirpy and fab I mean. You're a bit of a cleverskins, aren't you? Harvey would be proud as pround could be of his mum.

ScummyMummy · 17/05/2003 16:33

proud not pround. Taking me ages to add new messages to this thread.

Bobbins · 17/05/2003 16:34

Pround is round I've found

loving you scummy!

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Bobbins · 17/05/2003 16:39

Now:

Toilet Roll
Big FAT leeks
Olive oil....cos I've dognammit run out]
Smoked cod...undyed...bet it's more expensive without the dye
arborrio rice

and I'm thinking I have some garlic

can you tell I'm bored....my partner is doing overtiume today...I know we need the money, but I do get messy when he ain't here. Iwanted to fly kites today

off to the shops

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ScummyMummy · 17/05/2003 16:39

arrgh- must do some work... take care Bobbins and cook the best risotto in Reading

ScummyMummy · 17/05/2003 16:42

yep- bet the taking the dye out ups the price by many pounds. And that is my last word on mumsnet for an hour or so or I am in deep doo doo with the essay police.

Bobbins · 17/05/2003 16:56

Thierry on the telly....distracted

willow2...he's MINE

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Bobbins · 17/05/2003 17:06

OH yes....YUM

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bayleaf · 17/05/2003 17:50

If I was anywhere near Henley I'd go and pull his tent pegs out.
Glad it's raining now.
What a .

willow2 · 17/05/2003 18:09

Look Bobbins, I appreciate that you are going through a really shitty time at the moment, but you are just going to have to accept that what Thierry and I have is unique and unbreakable. Keown is free though.

Marina · 17/05/2003 19:55

And why might Keown be free I wonder Willow?
At least no-one has put dibs on the gorgeous Ray Parlour...
I think it is the duty of all W London and Berkshire Mumsnetters to send a posse over to Henley tonight. and the weather forecast for tomorrow is in your favour, Bobbins, let's hope the little sod gets trench foot. Cyberhugs and wish I had some good advice about the mortgage etc.

janh · 17/05/2003 20:52

Bobbins, he is such a waste of space!

Really want to share this with you though - feel like putting it on the proud thread - DS2 (10 now) said today, while watching the Cup Final,

"French people have thick lips, don't they?"
"Who do you mean?"
"Thierry Henry and Silvestre." (He's a Man U supporter - sorry!)
"Well, yes, but it's because they're black, not because they're French."
"No, they're not black, they're brown."

So I got into a long explanation about black people and white people and mixed race people and Asian people all looking different.

He honestly had never noticed that "black" people have different features and, because we live in quite a genteel kind of area, has never heard any racist remarks, apparently - despite living near Burnley and having had BNP candidates in the local elections. There are Asian kids in his class but it seems that they are just more different brown kids to him.

PS Did anybody else notice that a) the Southampton captain looked as if he was wearing a bald wig and b) that Alan Hansen has a horrific scar down his forehead???? (never noticed it before!)

Zoe · 17/05/2003 21:30

I think that Alan Hansen's scar is something to do with a golf club incident or something... I knew he had it, but agree that it was very pronounced this afternoon.

Sorry Bobbins, this is not what this thread is about - but Thierry...mmmmmmmmm

Bobbins · 17/05/2003 21:42

I honest to goodness do not mind if this thread takes on a Thierry predominance.

What are you going to do about Zoe willow2?

eh?

I think a beauty like that simply hasto be shared. It's just simply not right to keep him to yourself!

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Bobbins · 17/05/2003 21:44

should this be in the chat arena.

Don't care. I SO appreciate that man.

risotto wasn't so good by the way. But the stirring was cathartic and the leftover wine is going down a treat.

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