My husband cheated on me with our nanny

[Anab2010]

The biggest cliche ever. And it happened to me. Found out 2 days ago and I am absolutely devastated. I can't sleep, I can't eat I can't think. In our house. For 2 months. I feel sick. We have a 4 year old and I have had a miscarriage last month. And one 6m ago. I was crumbling anyway.
She's moved out ( I've kicked her out), he wants us to try and make it...
But how??? How can I ever feel normal again let alone trust him. I have a feeling as if someone died. Our marriage wasn't ideal and we have been drifting apart... but there is no excuse🤮

I needed to let it out...😭😤

Appalling. They were obviously getting off on the risk too

The lack of respect would be game over for me. Sounds like you have a bit of money as a family so you need to be angry and on it. Don’t let him screw uou over too.

He is the absolutely the dregs of society.

Screwing the nanny as his wife tries to recover from miscarriages.🙄

OP, you can bet his slimy arse he does NOT want this getting out.

This happened someone I know vaguely, 15 years ago, and he really was the talk of the town, privately and professionally.

He was considered an absolute joke.
It still follows him to this day.
Women don't like men who do this shit....too close to home!
It's actually really crass.

His feet wouldn't hit the ground here.

Tell EVERYONE and kick his arse to touch.

You will survive this.

He doesn't deserve you.

Please seek support from those IRL.

she's gone,
now to get him gone op.

i wouldnt name and shame her,
it's him where your anger should lie.

I agree, he was in a position of power and while she of course is obviously in the wrong his betrayal is so much worse.

All too often in these scenarios it seems the man gets welcomed back with promises of rebuilding the trust and the woman gets all the anger and backlash directed at her.

Boot him out. Today. If he struggles with that, call family and make it clear you need them to step in and manage him out of there. Then call his friends and family and let them know what he did, sparing no detail.
I hope he ends up in a filthy bedsit somewhere.

How terrible OP, so sorry, do what’s right for you

Oh god that would really traumatise me. I felt sick reading that.

Get a shit hot lawyer and kick him out and tell everyone. I’d name her too, so anyone hiring a nanny/au pair does so with full knowledge of what she’s like as a member of their household.

My god, I'm so sorry OP. That is utterly shocking and just indescribably awful of him. Please don't accept him back, you'll never trust him and I don't see how you could bear it anyway after seeing that.

@blackcurrant66

I'm pretty sure most places have codes of practice and or guidelines. I'd imagine not shagging your employer would be one of them.

Please do not defend that arsehole who was in a massive place of trust and horrendously breached that. Why shouldn't she be reported? Her behaviour was disgusting!!!

F

@BlueJava

My god, I'm so sorry OP. That is utterly shocking and just indescribably awful of him. Please don't accept him back, you'll never trust him and I don't see how you could bear it anyway after seeing that.

I don't think I can accept him back. I can't even look at him without feeling sick. To make things worse she said she loved him ( I asked her when she was leaving) and he said he has feelings for her🤯 Its just too much. Its not just a casual sex they actually have feelints for each other. Who knows what the plan was for two of them, how long would that continue for unless I found out?? Reading all your messages really helps me to realise what he's done is unforgivable and I deserve better, more... I am scared and worried, how will I explain my dear 4 year old why we are moving... why is daddy not with us... oh my there's a lot more heartache to come😢

We are due to fly for a holiday on Fri, we just bought a house abroad on the coast ( in a country where I am from). I've been wanting to move back for some time. This has just made my decision easier. He'll have to move too if he wants to see his child on a daily basis...
Is that to a country which is part of The Hague Convention?

Take swift legal action both for the divorce process and taking your child out of the country. In the meantime hide both your passport and your child's, together with other important documents (birth and marriage certificates, investment and other financials) at your sister's home for safekeeping. Change any passwords to your email address and your bank account - and move at least half of any money in any joint account. Give yourself some options whilst you work out your next steps.

he wants us to try and make it...
Well he would say that, wouldn't he? That way he'd hope to protect his betrayal from getting known about.

I'm sorry this has happened to you @Anab2010 - try to stay as clear headed as you can (hard, I know) with family support, so you can plan effectively. 🌹

[quote Ohnoherewego62]@blackcurrant66

I'm pretty sure most places have codes of practice and or guidelines. I'd imagine not shagging your employer would be one of them.

Please do not defend that arsehole who was in a massive place of trust and horrendously breached that. Why shouldn't she be reported? Her behaviour was disgusting!!![/quote]
It's complicated though because the OP's house was the nanny's home, as well as her place of work - employers cannot usually limit what an employee does in her own time. I also doubt there was anything in her employment contract, saying that she could not form relationships at work.

Before you all leap on me, I am not defending the nanny, I am saying that it is unwise to stir things up with her. Although it would be hard for her to claim unfair dismissal, it's not impossible if she claims discrimination. The OP is much better just to let things lie, so that she can focus on divorcing her lying scum-bag husband. She doesn't need the distraction of a legal fight with the nanny,

You saw them ! 😩😩
I’m so so so sorry, OP. Prior to seeing the part you saw them, I genuinely was going to start some pep talk about how cheating isn’t a dealbreaker for some people but thinking about it again now, I think that’s weird. It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if you didn’t love him. But seeing them?!?! That’s hard!

I hope you manage to go through this someway, somehow. Either way, it’s tough.

I’m really sorry .. more about you seeing them.

You’ll be a very strong woman to forgive it. ( it, I.e the cheating )

I am scared and worried, how will I explain my dear 4 year old why we are moving... why is daddy not with us... oh my there's a lot more heartache to come

OP DO NOT LEAVE THE FAMILY HOME BEFORE SPEAKING TO A SOLICITOR

Sorry Bold fail in first para. *
Is the country you are planning to move to* part of The Hague Convention?

I saw them f in the kitchen at 11pm when they thought I was asleep

I would kick the fucker all the way down the street and never let him over my doorstep again. There is no coming back from that!!

Oh and make sure you tell everybody. He needs to be held accountable.

@blackcurrent66 would you want someone like that in your house? She's unprofessional and shouldn't be working in that profession. What if the 4 year old saw them? She probably new about the the op's miscarriage if she lives with them. She did it anyway. She knew he was married. She did it anyway. In the op's house. She's scum just like the husband.

You kicked her out of the house, but not him?

She was having a consensual adult relationship; it's your husband who has done something wrong.

Yes, this is complicated OP. Don't go anywhere until you've seen a lawyer. What a git - I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry OP. I can't even begin to imagine that pain your in

They’ve both done something wrong. Equal blame
Disgusting behaviour on both sides

@Happynow001

We are due to fly for a holiday on Fri, we just bought a house abroad on the coast ( in a country where I am from). I've been wanting to move back for some time. This has just made my decision easier. He'll have to move too if he wants to see his child on a daily basis... Is that to a country which is part of The Hague Convention?

Take swift legal action both for the divorce process and taking your child out of the country. In the meantime hide both your passport and your child's, together with other important documents (birth and marriage certificates, investment and other financials) at your sister's home for safekeeping. Change any passwords to your email address and your bank account - and move at least half of any money in any joint account. Give yourself some options whilst you work out your next steps.

he wants us to try and make it...
Well he would say that, wouldn't he? That way he'd hope to protect his betrayal from getting known about.

I'm sorry this has happened to you @Anab2010 - try to stay as clear headed as you can (hard, I know) with family support, so you can plan effectively. 🌹

Yes its a country whic is part of a Hague Convention. Thanks for tip on finance and passports, I did think if I should do it... as with everything you kind of think... surely not... but obviously anything can happen!!

OP. What a hideous, hideous thing to happen.

I concur with the 'make sure he's gone' comments, but get proper, thought out, quality legal advice before you leave anything for good.