My husband cheated on me with our nanny

[Anab2010]

The biggest cliche ever. And it happened to me. Found out 2 days ago and I am absolutely devastated. I can't sleep, I can't eat I can't think. In our house. For 2 months. I feel sick. We have a 4 year old and I have had a miscarriage last month. And one 6m ago. I was crumbling anyway.
She's moved out ( I've kicked her out), he wants us to try and make it...
But how??? How can I ever feel normal again let alone trust him. I have a feeling as if someone died. Our marriage wasn't ideal and we have been drifting apart... but there is no excuse🤮

I needed to let it out...😭😤

[EventRider1]

Oh how horrid for you OP!
I would be kicking him out as well. He is as much to blame as the nanny, if not more.
If he really loved and respected you, he wouldn't have done this. He is just upset that he has been caught out and now there is a risk his life will go up the shitter.
Divorce him and take him to the cleaners for all he is worth!

[frog22]

I'm sorry OP. How did you find out and how long had it been going on?

This is awful for you and your family and a horrible abuse of power from your husband. He has managed to victimise two women and now one is without a job.

[Deadringer]

What a disgusting man he is, you are surely better off without him.

[LST]

Wow. He could stoop no lower really could he. I am so sorry this has happened op. You will get through this. It might not seem like it now but you will x

[SlightyJaded]

Ask yourself this OP.

If you hadn't found out, do you think he would have ended it with the Nanny and be telling you he wants to make an extra effort with your marriage as you've been through so much?

No?

Thought not. He doesn't want to 'make a go' he wants to do damage limitation because he was caught. I'm sorry to be blunt.

You deserve so much more.

[Nymeriastark1]

Please kick the pig out, he's a disgusting specimen. And yes he did abuse his position of power, but she is also unprofessional. (Going on the basis it wasn't forced). Shagging the kids dad...in the family home...she needs to look into different job roles I think. Unprofessional tart. He is so much worse tho. He doesn't deserve you. I'm so sorry op, I can't imagine what you're going through. My advice is to divorce you'll never be able to trust the pig again.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Eugh I’m so sorry OP this surely has to be up there with the worst betrayals! He needs to go and give you some space.

[Penguinsarethebestest]

Jesus, how would you ever trust him again? With your feelings as well as with his fidelity? Doing this in YOUR house at a time when you're most vulnerable, WTF was he thinking?
Can you get him to leave for a bit so you can have space?
I would get rid, sorry, but I just would.

[Standrewsschool]

If the trust has gone, then there’s no future (and I don’t think I could trust again).

I was going to ask the same as Jaded above. If you hadn’t found out, would he have stopped the affair? If you think the answer is no, then he’s not really sorry.

Don’t think what he wants. Think what is best for you and you dc. You call the shots here, not him.

[Lifeisconfusing]

He’s done this even though he knows you’ve miscarried etc!! That is disgusting where’s the support if he’s cheated on you I can’t see you getting passed it. It’s a shame on your dc but you will be ok.

[SilverLiningSearching]

So sorry OP, to face this when you are so fragile will feel like you have a mountain to climb.
Find a Rottweiler lawyer and LTB, hope you have family you can lean on. I know if it was me I would probably need some counselling after such a rough ride.

[VettiyaIruken]

So this so sorry please forgive me can we try again I love you stuff.

Did that come about because he was overcome with guilt and remorse and chose to TL you

Or did you find out and confront him and get the waa-waas?

[CuppaZa]

I’m sorry but that would be the END
There’s no going back. In your house? On your belongings? Under your nose? With the girl that was looking after your child? Nope. I am just astonished at that level of betrayal. After everything you’ve been going through.
Of course he wants to try again OP. Why wouldn’t he? They all do. It’s to save his cushy life and home and money and public perception of him.
This is one of the most awful betrayals I’ve read on here

[VettiyaIruken]

TL was supposed to be tell

[Cheesecake53]

You really should have kicked him out instead of her. I wonder how much choice she had in this.

[2pinkginsplease]

He’s done it right under your nose, in your home. He has no respect for you. Throw him out, you’ll never trust him ever again!

Of course he’s begging for you to forgive, just so that everyone doesn’t find out what a lying cheating arse he is!

[PixelatedLunchbox]

Believe those that say you will NEVER trust him again. He's a pig. Show him the door.

[VettiyaIruken]

Do you think the nanny will accept her firing or go to a tribunal or something and complain about improper procedures?

That's another thing to consider, awful as it seems. By rights they should both sod off but you should prepare for the worst.

[Happymum12345]

I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through, it’s heartbreaking. Only you can decide what you need to do. Take your time, there is no rush to decide anything. Look after yourself & your ds.

[MrsNoah2020]

Agree with PPs. The betrayal of you, the putting of his dick interests before those of his children, and abuse of his position of trust as an employer (assuming that the nanny is young) are unforgivable.

LTB but don't tell him straightaway because he will immediately start hiding cash. Make sure that he can't empty any joint accounts. Get copies of all financial paperwork including, if possible, his payslips. And see a lawyer. Then tell him.

[millionaireshortie]

I'm so sorry! What he has done is completely unforgivable and unforgettable. It's not something you can ever get past or move on from. It's beyond anything I could ever comprehend. I wouldn't wish your pain on my worst enemy. I couldn't do that to my worst enemy yet he does that to you, his wife?

You need to muster up every last ounce of strength you have and make him leave. It will be a grief like no other but how could you ever continue to live with somebody so completely cruel? It's evil to be honest.

[Takingontheworld]

Oh my love. Save yourself the heartbreak. Don't look back

[lunar1]

You get to make a choice, at the very least ask him to leave for a while so you can get your head together. Do you have support with your children now the nanny has gone?

It's very easy for us all to tell you what to do, but you have to decide what you want.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it's such a horrific betrayal of trust.

[AuntyFungal]

Fucking grim.

You’re mourning your miscarriages.
Getting on with day to day living / managing your DC.

He’s fucking an employee - in your house.

He’s not sorry - just sorry he got caught.
The icing on the cake would be the nanny suing you for unfair dismissal.

[Anab2010]

She is actually bit older than me and was living with us an an au pair, I know its not usual but there we go, she is 41 and I am 36.
I saw them f* in the kitchen at 11pm when they thought I was asleep. I wish I could forget what I saw.
My sister in law is a counsellor and is a great help. And of course mumsnet!