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Original poster

If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

333 replies

Applesarenotoranges · 23/06/2020 14:03

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
bengalcat · 23/06/2020 15:02

An enema would clear out his butt to reduce/ negate the risk of poo on his toys on removal

IndiaMay · 23/06/2020 15:04

I'd think he was enjoying butt fun now and then. My OH does. I have to be in a really specific mood to enjoy it with him so I know he sometimes pleases himself when hes home alone

StarScream22 · 23/06/2020 15:09

This reply has been deleted

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Tadpolesandfroglets · 23/06/2020 15:11

It’s not a big deal and folk saying it means that he’s gay or bisexual are just being idiotic. It doesn’t necessarily mean any such thing. And I can have a quickie with my vibrator do I’m sure he can manage that too, doesn’t necessarily mean anything unless you want it to or it creeps you out or you want him to be more honest about stuff. Think I would chat and say how you feel and ask him how he feels about it all and if he wants you involved or just a private thing.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 23/06/2020 15:11

*so

LaurieFairyCake · 23/06/2020 15:12

I'd be asking about the enema Confused as that's usually to remove stuff/clear out (like sperm?)

AnnaBanana333 · 23/06/2020 15:13

I'd be sad and worried that he'd kept it from me. I'd want to know if it was because he was embarrassed or because he's using them with someone else... especially since he takes them on work trips.

dottiedodah · 23/06/2020 15:14

Magnolia justice .Presumably the enema is to clear everything .so to insert Butt Plug?! I like you ,would be somewhat shocked upon such a discovery! Many people on here seem to be matter of fact about it ,but it seems odd to me (led a sheltered life obv!)

MissConductUS · 23/06/2020 15:15

As he was matter of fact about it, it may simply have just not occurred to him that you could be interested in participating - as has been evidenced in this thread, plenty of women find it worrisome and gross. It was several years into my marriage before that was something he did solo, to with me, to my participating.

^This. He's concerned that you'll have a negative judgemental reaction, as several PP have on this thread.

This is really common actually. I was an A&E nurse for years, and saw blokes come in with something that needed removal from there on a pretty regular basis. Every A&E department has an anal speculum on hand for this situation. Smile

Bloops · 23/06/2020 15:17

Maybe he's just a bit embarrassed to bring it up with you? If you're into that maybe you could experiment together?

Aridane · 23/06/2020 15:18

*I’d think that I needed to talk to him, have the conversation and then take it from there

Yep, agree

slashlover · 23/06/2020 15:18

I'd be asking about the enema as that's usually to remove stuff/clear out (like sperm?)

It's used to remove stuff before using the vibrators.

He maybe didn't mention it as he was worried he'd get stupid comments like those from PPs who think it means he's gay or bi. There's a huge stigma to men who like to their arse played with.

MorningNinja · 23/06/2020 15:20

I'd be questioning the enema. I realise that he may want to be clean for himself but wonder if he is being clean for someone else.

twilightermummy · 23/06/2020 15:21

You sound pretty worried. If you have a gut instinct that something is wrong, then you should follow it.
Something similar to this ruined my relationship. I spent years justifying things. It sent me crazy

Saladmakesmesad · 23/06/2020 15:23

It's not the stuff that bothers me (though in my case my DP has expressed horror at the idea) but the secrecy. Why isn't he involving you in his sex life?

Taking bum play stuff away on a work trip doesn't seem like particularly normal behaviour to me either. I do tend to think CHEATING as soon as someone says 'He works away... ' though.

slashlover · 23/06/2020 15:25

If you're going to have the conversation then you need to work out your limits beforehand, these could run from wanting the toys out of the house to wanting to join in, and you don't need to rush straight to the end. All of your limits are valid.

slashlover · 23/06/2020 15:27

Taking bum play stuff away on a work trip doesn't seem like particularly normal behaviour to me either. I do tend to think CHEATING as soon as someone says 'He works away... ' though.

Would you think the same about a woman taking a vibrator on a work trip?

LycraLovingLass · 23/06/2020 15:30

The enema would seem extreme to me but actually quite sensible I suppose.

I wouldn't bring it up but would maybe introduce anal play gradually into our sex life starting with fingers during oral.

Only if you are comfortable with it though, there is nothing wrong with leaving him to enjoy that side of things on his own. If you don't feel like its your cup of tea.

MitziK · 23/06/2020 15:32

@Applesarenotoranges

So let me ask questions 2 & 3.

How would it make you feel?

What would you do?

That I'd found something he preferred to keep private.

And then I'd close the drawer and let him know that his socks were on the top of the chest of drawers for him to put away.

There are some things you don't actually need or have to share with your spouse. The existence of a Mooncup is one - I haven't felt the need to brandish mine in DP's face and tell him about it and he's certainly never expressed an interest beyond asking whether I want sweets, ice cream or chips when I'm feeling like crap and he's already massaging the hell out of my lower back and pelvis at the time - laxatives, enemas and sex toys are another; you share the information if you wish, it's not owed to anybody.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/06/2020 15:33

@slashlover

If you're going to have the conversation then you need to work out your limits beforehand, these could run from wanting the toys out of the house to wanting to join in, and you don't need to rush straight to the end. All of your limits are valid.
I don’t think saying you want the toys out of the house is valid. If he’s using them on himself, that is his choice. As long as he’s not pressuring or forcing anyone to join in, it’s his business.

Honestly, some of the attitudes on here are mental. Assuming he’s cheating or gay because you found a toy that he talked openly about when you mentioned it.

Dhalmeup · 23/06/2020 15:37

It doesn’t definitely mean he is gay but if you have a hunch/other concerns then I would not dismiss any discomfort you are feeling.

Many in this thread are acting as though you are being unreasonable to feel even a bit off, many wives may be cool with it, that doesn’t mean you have to be.

It would personally be a turn off for me and that is just as ok as someone being alright with the idea.

My df’s boyfriend was in to similar and she felt pressured into going along with it and even joining in, though she cried down the phone to me about it after. He did turn out to be gay though (she found out after having problems, seeing the go and having an std check).

slashlover · 23/06/2020 15:38

I don’t think saying you want the toys out of the house is valid. If he’s using them on himself, that is his choice. As long as he’s not pressuring or forcing anyone to join in, it’s his business.

True, maybe keeping them more hidden and not where OP can easily see them would have been a better option.

Honestly, some of the attitudes on here are mental. Assuming he’s cheating or gay because you found a toy that he talked openly about when you mentioned it.

And them PPs wonder why he hasn't told her about it.

whatdidyousee · 23/06/2020 15:39

He's douching to be clean for someone else surely??? I can't see a guy using an enema to have a wank with a bit plug in?? If I found all this stuff I'd think my husband enjoyed anal sex with another man!!!

user1481840227 · 23/06/2020 15:41

It's not a big deal.
Maybe he didn't think you'd be interested in getting involved in exploring that part of his body with him.
Some women don't want to get involved in that kink.
Do you actually want to try it out with him?

Maybe he has some hang ups about you using them on him and would actually just rather do that stuff by himself?

NeutrinoWrangler · 23/06/2020 15:41

Honestly? I'd be disgusted and worried... We'd need to talk about it, and I'd be looking for reassurance that they weren't a sign he was cheating and/or attracted to men. It might be different if I already knew he was "into" this type of stimulation, though I still think I'd find it a huge turn-off. It sounds quite involved and elaborate, which makes it more distasteful (to me) than just using his own hands for a quick release...

I realise that wouldn't be everyone's reaction, but it would be a big deal to me!

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