If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

[Applesarenotoranges]

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

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I would speak to him about it.

When did he say it was for his prostate if you haven't discussed it with him?
I'd let DH know if I found toys in a drawer. In a 'if you thought this was secret then it isn't' and in a 'if I can accidentally find them so could visitors/our DCs'.

@Applesarenotoranges
He says it’s for his prostate. Why didn’t he just buy a prostate massager?

So you have talked about it at some point?

I mean, if they were just in his drawer then he obviously isn't exactly trying to hide them.. But I'd be very confused. If you don't ask you'll never know. Maybe he's embarrassed

I would say casually, I saw you made some new purchases, when will we try them out?

@ATomeOfOnesOwn

When did he say it was for his prostate if you haven't discussed it with him? I'd let DH know if I found toys in a drawer. In a 'if you thought this was secret then it isn't' and in a 'if I can accidentally find them so could visitors/our DCs'.

To clarify. I didn’t mention the butt plug. Then I found these. I told him I found toys in a drawer. He said he likes to massage his prostate - as plenty of men do. We left it at that.

I’m now not sure if I should discuss it further, whether it should be a thing we do together or not. He works away sometimes and takes them with him then. I don’t know if he uses them in the house - wasn’t sure about asking further.

I think maybe he and I need another talk. I can’t decide. It all feels so secretive, but if I had a vibrator, I’m not sure I would want him to question me about it.

I must admit I would think he may be gay or bi at least .However maybe discuss with him and see what he has to say about it? As PP said maybe hes embarrassed or maybe wanted you to find them?

Why don't you ask him if he'll show you how he uses it so you can use it on him - get a little kinky with him - he's into it and you never know til you try - could be really rejuvenating for your sex life - nothing to lose here OP!

He's not hiding them, and likes bum play.

I honestly couldn’t see this as a big deal. I certainly wouldn’t think he was gay or bisexual.

@Applesarenotoranges, as you said yourself, you don’t think you’d want him asking about a vibrator so why should you ask him about his toys?!

It's not just a quick wank then, there's quite a bit involved.

Is your birthday coming up soon?

Maybe he wants to talk to you about them but is a little embarrassed? He obviously didn't put them where you'd never find them so perhaps he's hoping you will bring them up in conversation. Go for it ☺

I was thinking he’s not hidden them very well. A hint?

So many cool wives on here!

Thank you! I feel a bit better. Was wondering if I should do that - to ask him to show me what he likes.
Yes, when I told him I found them, he was quite matter of fact, like that he wasn’t hiding them.

Ok. I will talk more with him.

I feel a little bit insecure that he is using them when he’s working away. Why doesn’t he introduce them into our sex life together? This is what makes me feel sad. Maybe, as some of you have said, he feels embarrassed. He can be quite shy.

How is your Sex life normally? Would it be normal for you both to include toys? If so it's strange that he's not mentioned them.

Is there any other suspicious behaviour? Does he get lots of secretive messages on his phone?

It's hard to say without knowing more. Not sure if age is relevant but it might be something that's more common with younger men. Just a thought.

I would say casually, I saw you made some new purchases, when will we try them out?

Whereas I would close the door, say nothing, and leave him to put stuff up his bum while I was out. We're all different!

Don't feel like you have to offer to join in with dildo's and holding enema bags, OP. Only if you're comfortable.

I'd think he either uses them in himself (which I'd personally find a turn off, I've never been with a man who pushed stuff up his ass - to the contrary they've all expressed their horror/discomfort at any attempt at previous partners to use finger on then etc) or that he uses them on other women (sex workers or not) when working away.

(Though perhaps sex workers insist in bringing and using their own even if the guy insists they've been sanitised.

Did ye, aye?

@sadie9

It's not just a quick wank then, there's quite a bit involved.

I wonder if that’s why he uses them when he’s working away. He stays in hotels and has errr a bit more time on his hands.

How did you find them? Were they hidden? Or was he hoping you'd find them and open a dialogue about his sexual needs?

I would be surprised, as well as a little bit disconcerted, if I found sex toys my DH had hidden away, and I really don't get the enema - how is that erotic?

not an invitation for the poo troll to share please

I would think that he was bring unfaithful to me while he was away.

As he was matter of fact about it, it may simply have just not occurred to him that you could be interested in participating - as has been evidenced in this thread, plenty of women find it worrisome and gross. It was several years into my marriage before that was something he did solo, to with me, to my participating.

If I found one in his drawer, I'd probably assume it got tangled up in something at some point, give it a wipe down and put it in the basket on the shelf with his other sex toys so it would be more convenient for him and, as others mentioned, far less likely the kids might run into them. I still remember my sister finding my father's girlfriend's vibrator....

I would be surprised, as well as a little bit disconcerted, if I found sex toys my DH had hidden away, and I really don't get the enema - how is that erotic?

It isn't. You use it to prepare for having a toy up there is all.