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If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

333 replies

Applesarenotoranges · 23/06/2020 14:03

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?


If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 25/06/2020 13:23

*A vagina is an in and out hole. An anus is an out hole.

People can do and enjoy whatever they like, but the facts above remain*

Except of course, they’re not facts, they’re your opinions. I quite like anal penetration. Lots of people do.
What you’re saying is equivalent to saying that mouths are for breathing and eating/drinking, and not for oral sex.

Lynda07 · 25/06/2020 14:15

Have you yet had a good chat to your husband about this, Apples?

What would bother me about it is the idea that my husband was too obsessed with sex rather than thinking of sex as a loving act. I get that some people are over invested but they often watch porn and/or go to prostitutes who offer niche services. I don't judge anyone for that but wouldn't want to be married to them.

I'm so glad my late husband was obsessed with cars and everything concerning them (mind you I have no doubt there's something Freudian about that.....:-).

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 25/06/2020 14:15

What you’re saying is equivalent to saying that mouths are for breathing and eating/drinking, and not for oral sex.

We had a headmaster tell us this exact thing in assembly once. I think it was an attempt to downplay his homophobia, by saying that he was only against 'unnatural' sex acts, irrespective of the participants. Of course he was a homophobe and he was only saying this to try and justify it.

It is possible to register your dislike of something without coming across as being judgmental about it. There is nothing wrong in general with finding certain acts unattractive, and that it would affect your view of somebody if they did it.

But it does seem that there is a lot of "eww, that's gay" or similar if a man likes any sort of anal play, which is just wrong. I would hope that in a decent relationship people would be able to be honest about their likes and dislikes without feeling like they were being judged by their partner.

slashlover · 25/06/2020 14:22

What would bother me about it is the idea that my husband was too obsessed with sex rather than thinking of sex as a loving act. I get that some people are over invested but they often watch porn and/or go to prostitutes who offer niche services. I don't judge anyone for that but wouldn't want to be married to them.

Is it the sex toys which makes him obsessed or just that he masturbates? What has porn or prostitutes got to do with OPs DH?

forgetthehousework · 25/06/2020 15:05

For the suggestion 'just stick a finger up there', if you're going to try this @Applesarenotoranges make sure your fingernails are not too long or sharp or you may not get quite the same reaction.

Lynda07 · 25/06/2020 15:18

forgetthehousework Thu 25-Jun-20 15:05:54
For the suggestion 'just stick a finger up there', if you're going to try this @Applesarenotoranges make sure your fingernails are not too long or sharp or you may not get quite the same reaction.
......
Yes, it has to be gentle.

Lynda07 · 25/06/2020 15:20

What has porn or prostitutes got to do with OPs DH?

He must have learned about it from somewhere or someone. It's not something you grow up knowing instinctively.

MissConductUS · 25/06/2020 15:27

He must have learned about it from somewhere or someone. It's not something you grow up knowing instinctively.

He could have learned about it visiting a museum.

www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/a-history-of-anal-sex

AskingforaBaskin · 25/06/2020 15:38

Wut?
Or he could've learned it from previous partners or talking to other people

slashlover · 25/06/2020 16:29

He must have learned about it from somewhere or someone. It's not something you grow up knowing instinctively.

I knew about the prostate before this thread and I've a) never watched porn b) never visited a prostitute c) never had sex.

BiBabbles · 25/06/2020 16:50

Now we have instinctive sex vs non-instinctive sex that must be learned somewhere. I mean, it was already mentioned by a man earlier about sex toy sites making recommendations and some of them do have guides, but I thought, as was discussed on the ASDA thread the other day, that sex and masturbaton was generally something people have figured out on their own and with each other for millenia without need for instructions.

I'm now reminded of when I was 10 or so and asked my mother how gay men have sex and she gave me what I what I now know was a parental 'I do not want to have this conversation off the cuff right now' look and asked if I really wanted her to answer that. Even in very Evangelical America, I was able to put things together and figure out butt sex and that some men must like things up the butt so I could save her the grief with a "No thanks, I think I figured it out".

I'm not sure if that's instinct or what, but I think most adults can figure it out without any porn or person and I'm well aware of at least one guy who almost ending up in the previously mentioned A&E situation trying it out as a young teenager.

Also, there are also a lot of sex books easily available and have been for ages, I have an old Men's Health guide to sex. I really don't get jumping to porn and prostituted people. People have been trying out all sorts of things for sexual pleasure for probably longer than we've been people. Whether or not the OP wants to engage in it or discuss it is up to her (though I would not recommend just putting a finger up the bum without conversation - or gloves and lube), but it's not some really out there newfangled depravity, really.

MashedSpud · 25/06/2020 16:52

The secrecy would bother me.
The taking them to a hotel would bother me.
The enema would make me think he’s cleaning his arse for an individual either in real life or making videos.

If you decide to explore this with him set boundaries so you don’t end up doing things you aren’t comfy with.

Funguy · 25/06/2020 17:13

Confused. Has he two arses, or three?

Regularsizedrudy · 25/06/2020 17:35

Skimmed the thread so sorry if I’ve missed an update but have you actually asked him??

Personally I would assume he’s into solo butt stuff or that he was hoping to introduce it between the 2 of you.

I would not be disgusted or think he’s gay or bi and it’s pretty depressing the amount of repulsion shown on this thread for something that is perfectly normal.

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 17:51

Except of course, they’re not facts, they’re your opinions.

No they're not, they're facts. Anuses are the expellation end of the digestive system; not designed for penetration.

I quite like anal penetration. Lots of people do.

Good for you.
Still doesn't mean your anus and rectum evolved to do what you're doing with it.

What you’re saying is equivalent to saying that mouths are for breathing and eating/drinking, and not for oral sex.

That is the case lol!

They did not evolve for oral sex, it's something we choose to do with them (if we do).

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 18:02

Anyway, mo matter what the sex act, posters have no business to be saying " get in on it op, stick your finger up his arse, get involved"... And normalising that.

There's s huge presumption she's ok with it or she should he; she may not be and she really really doesn't have to be.

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 18:08

Same as with any sex act her do may want to do.

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 18:10

What you’re saying is equivalent to saying that mouths are for breathing and eating/drinking, and not for oral sex.

You forgot speaking (!)

slashlover · 25/06/2020 18:19

The secrecy would bother me.

When does privacy become secrecy?

The taking them to a hotel would bother me.

Why? He's somewhere private, he's not doing it in front of OP, the hotel means that there's no pressure on her to feel as if she has to get involved.

The enema would make me think he’s cleaning his arse for an individual either in real life or making videos.

Why would you jump to videos?

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 18:26

I actually find this thread bizarre and very significant in terms of how do fee posters asked op if she would want to get involved, how she felt about it etc.

Would it be the same if it were a sex act he wanted to do to her, instead of one done to him?

From previous thread, I seriously think not.

So why does the fact that it's a sex act that she would watch or do to him make things do different, why do her feelings and her consent apparently not matter .. they're aren't mentioned, just post after post of "he clearly like bum play, get involved, stick your finger in his arse, ask him if he wants you to "help" .... Not "how do you feel about it? What do you want to do? What are you comfortable with?" Etc.

Bizarre.

Cool girls tripping over themselves to express how ok they are with anally penetrating men/or knowing men do it to themselves, but not one word of query as to ops feelings or wishes.

GilbertMarkham · 25/06/2020 18:28

*previous threads

Hopoindown31 · 25/06/2020 18:33

He must have learned about it from somewhere or someone. It's not something you grow up knowing instinctively.

The internet. It exists.

Hopoindown31 · 25/06/2020 18:34

This thread has certainly been eye-opening to see how many women are so clueless about male sexuality. I mean I am far from adventurous, but at least I am aware of these things.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 25/06/2020 18:51

GilbertMarkham You ok love? I didn't say women couldn't split up with someone for any reason so you're either confused or you're just saying whatever you think of. And nobody has said she has to join in. As a rape victim I find it disturbing and upsetting that you took that from me saying he has the right to masturbate however he likes.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 25/06/2020 18:53

*I haven't said the OP has to join in Sorry.