If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

[Applesarenotoranges]

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

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There's a lot of homophobia/biphobia

Not this shite again.

Being turned off by a bi partner is not biphobia.

Being turned off/uncomfortable about ANYONES sexual behaviour is not a ‘phobia’. It is a personal preference.

Not wanting to be in a relationship with a bisexual person because it personally turns you off is not ‘biphobia’.

Discriminating against someone at work, removing rights, preventing access to services and healthcare, inciting violence towards them because of their sexuality is homo/biphobia.

Not having your own preferences and boundaries.

I usually hate the phrase op but ignore all the ‘cool girls’ on here telling you that you feeling uncomfortable (if you do) is wrong.

You can allow yourself to feel how you do. You can make your own boundaries. And you are perfectly entitled to decide who you want to be with.

I think I must be the reincarnation of Mary Whitehouse?
I would be wtf? if I found this stuff.
Realise I'm in the minority judging by this thread, I need to get out more.

I’d be grossed out but I guess it depends on your relationship and sex life.

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

I think I must be the reincarnation of Mary Whitehouse? I would be wtf? if I found this stuff. Realise I'm in the minority judging by this thread, I need to get out more.

No you are perfectly normal

@oldwhyno

you could buy an enormous strap on and see what he made of that

The enema I the most worrying thing.

That is used prior to anal sex, not prior to a wank.

What would concern me is the enema as that would suggest a partner’s involvement

Agreed, with bells on! No reason to use that if you're alone.

I find it strange that there was no conversation with him about it. Do you usually not straight talk with each other??

The Male g spot is up the butt - fair play to him! I would!

OP I reckon if he's using these with someone else he'd make a much better effort at hiding them so wouldn't worry on that score.

I think the chances of him having an enema to masturbate are very very slim and I very much doubt he is ramming a vibrator up his own ass whilst he is away on business but i think you know that dont you OP

OP is it actually an emema or a douche? If the latter can well imagine it's just for the sex toys or because he enjoys using it.

@ShamanYou oh my god! What happened?! I thought that sort of thing was urban legend. Did the doctors need to retrieve it?

In answer to the OP, I have a friend who is married but bi. He has anal sex toys and hides them in a biscuit tin in the shed I've been talking to him a lot about his relationship but he just feels that the two sides of him won't be accepted by his wife.

Which is probably fair enough, because in all honesty, if i husband bought anal play toys and imagined having sex with men, i'd question my relationship too.

I think OP, that if he has questions about his sexuality, he probably won't ever discuss it with you. So if I was you, id really search my memories to see if anything supports the theory of him being bisexual. If you think he might be, you'll need to deal with that in your own terms. It doesnt, obviously, necessarily mean that he'll cheat but like with any other sexual fantasies/behaviour, you might find it offputting.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be married to someone actively bi! It is not homophobic for goodness sake. No issues with people being gay or bi, but we definitely must have that conversation BEFORE we get married, and most definitely before we have children and I invest myself into something permanent.
Even if he is not actually having an affair of any kind, that is an enormous secret to keep, and one many could not live with (myself included) The trust between us would be broken indefinitely.

SO no, its not okay. Not by a long way for most couples.

i find the whole thing abhorrent. i would leave immediately.
and get tested for std asap.
start divorce proceedings or separate asset etc if not married,
and go NC. end of. shudder,, briefly, and move on.

The fact he also goes away 'on business' means he has the time and the means to do whatever. I would do some digging personally.

Some of the assumptions on here are humongous. We have a few sex toys and the guy is now having a gay affair. Of course no woman has ever had a sex toy they have hidden from their male partner...

I would be shocked and a part of me would be disgusted if I’m being completely honest.
I would put it back and leave him to it though. I know enjoying anal play with toys is harmless but it’s not something we are really used to.
I wouldn’t confront him. Can you imagine if he confronted you over a vibrator?!

Do you have a fibre rich diet? If not, then it makes sense to use an enema before inserting ANYTHING up your bum. This goes for men and women, whether it's a butt plug, dildo, vibrator, penis, garden gnome, fingers and so on.

Stimulating the anus can cause contractions which can lead to some disgusting messes if the stool isn't solid and higher up in the bowels.

Some men, gay or straight, like putting things in their bums. Most of these men probably don't like dealing with poo encrusted toys once they've done, and it's probably not a turn on to them to have to lay towels down beforehand and probably just draws more attention to an already sensitive situation.

Just let lions sleep and forget about it. He doesn't ask if you put stuff in your butt OP.

It would entirely depend on of toys were a thing between us anyway.

If they were, then I'd assume they were to use together.

If they weren't then I'd assume there are aspects of our sex life that we isn't happy with and wanted to change things a bit. Given he hadn't mentioned them, I'd assume embarrassment on his part.

Gosh some of these replies are horrible.
I know it’s not the ‘norm’ for men to be Bi, but tbh there are probably a lot of men that are but darent say so due to these attitudes. It’s a controversial topic for men.

pigeon999 why would it need to be discussed before marriage?
I didn’t come to terms with the fact I’m bi until a year or so ago, I’ve been married 5 years. Why should I have had to announce that I have a small feeling about it at the start of my relationship? It wasn’t something I was comfortable about. I can’t imagine what it’s like for a man. Especially a man that comes across as very straight.

i find the whole thing abhorrent. i would leave immediately.
and get tested for std asap.
start divorce proceedings or separate asset etc if not married,
and go NC. end of. shudder,, briefly, and move on.

You can't get an STD from a vibrator FFS!

The male G-Spot is the prostate. Him wanting prostate stimulation is no different to a woman masturbating and wanting clitoral stimulation, it's just more difficult for him to access.

Enemas are extremely gross things to use. I do think you'd have to be a bit of a hygiene freak to use them for solo play.

I would sit down with him and discuss it.

I'd ask him if he fancied a weekend at Center Parcs.