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Original poster

If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

333 replies

Applesarenotoranges · 23/06/2020 14:03

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
slashlover · 24/06/2020 12:28

@Moana19

What next? Crossdressing? Is he gay/bi/trans? My mind would be all over the place looking for an answer if that happened to me.

Just because her husband likes his G-Spot stimulated? How did you jump to him being trans just from that? He doesn't want sex with a man any more than a lesbian with a vibrator wants to be straight.

pigeon999 · 24/06/2020 12:31

Please examine your biphobia

I don't need to 'examine' my feelings about gay or bi relationships, I already know my feelings about them. Let me me spell them out to you just for the record Loki. I have many gay friends that are literally the light of my life, I am proud of them - happy for them and delighted that in many cases they have found life partners.

What I am not okay with, on any level is deceit.

If someone is bi/gay and entering a legal and life long commitment with someone else, then it is essential in my view that they are both completely honest about it. They could get married anyway, but the other person has made an informed choice.

I would have a problem with the dishonesty of keeping this kind of secret. Being bi/gay does not make you any more or less likely to have an affair, but it does raise the prospect of a lack of fulfilment in the bedroom, and that would need a great deal of thought and discussion on both sides before marriage takes place.

Any form of dishonesty kills trust
Long lasting marriages and relationships are built on trust

It is not about the sexuality, but about honesty for me.

GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 12:35

Perhaps my experience is unusual (?) but I have yet to have sexual interaction with a hetero man (obviously I have only knowingly has sex with hetero men) who enjoys or is even open to objects being inserted into their back passage. To the contrary, any I've known have expressed their mental and physical discomfort with the idea and their disgust/lack of arousal when any previous partners attempted to introduce it, even with a finger. They also expressed a general aversion to the idea of being penetrated (or penetrating themselves as a hetero man).

So, yes I do agree with/understand posters whose minds would go to orientation/cross dressing etc questions.

sammylady37 · 24/06/2020 12:43

^I know plenty straight men who enjoy anal penetration, be that by a finger or toy. It’s the way to massage the prostate which is intensely arousing for men.

slashlover · 24/06/2020 12:54

Perhaps my experience is unusual (?) but I have yet to have sexual interaction with a hetero man (obviously I have only knowingly has sex with hetero men) who enjoys or is even open to objects being inserted into their back passage. To the contrary, any I've known have expressed their mental and physical discomfort with the idea and their disgust/lack of arousal when any previous partners attempted to introduce it, even with a finger. They also expressed a general aversion to the idea of being penetrated (or penetrating themselves as a hetero man).

I wonder why when the stigma leads to them being called gay/bi/a cross dresser/transgender/a cheater/disgusting etc.

callmeadoctor · 24/06/2020 13:53

Eek, I was having my lunch...................... I wouldn't personally be bothered about the enjoyment of anal stuff (although not my cup of tea......), however the enema would make me worry, only because enemas are bloody awful........................ (why, just why?)

SeagoingSexpot · 24/06/2020 13:57

Perhaps my experience is unusual (?) but I have yet to have sexual interaction with a hetero man (obviously I have only knowingly has sex with hetero men) who enjoys or is even open to objects being inserted into their back passage. To the contrary, any I've known have expressed their mental and physical discomfort with the idea and their disgust/lack of arousal when any previous partners attempted to introduce it, even with a finger. They also expressed a general aversion to the idea of being penetrated (or penetrating themselves as a hetero man).

Yes, your experience is unusual. Does that help?

Anal penetration for straight men is tabooed, but they find it sexually stimulating for exactly the same reasons as (some) gay men do. Which is not bloody surprising given that they have the same anatomy. Plenty of gay men aren't into being penetrated at all (haven't any of you even heard about topping and bottoming?).

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/06/2020 14:01

@SeagoingSexpot

Perhaps my experience is unusual (?) but I have yet to have sexual interaction with a hetero man (obviously I have only knowingly has sex with hetero men) who enjoys or is even open to objects being inserted into their back passage. To the contrary, any I've known have expressed their mental and physical discomfort with the idea and their disgust/lack of arousal when any previous partners attempted to introduce it, even with a finger. They also expressed a general aversion to the idea of being penetrated (or penetrating themselves as a hetero man).

Yes, your experience is unusual. Does that help?

Anal penetration for straight men is tabooed, but they find it sexually stimulating for exactly the same reasons as (some) gay men do. Which is not bloody surprising given that they have the same anatomy. Plenty of gay men aren't into being penetrated at all (haven't any of you even heard about topping and bottoming?).

Couldn’t agree more. It’s not unusual for a straight man to like that. It’s not unusual for a gay man to not like that.
MissConductUS · 24/06/2020 14:30

I've had several male partners who enjoyed a bit of this, so not unusual at all in my experience.

Liking a particular sex act doesn't make you gay or bi. Same sex attraction makes you gay or bi.

justkeepmovingon · 24/06/2020 14:37

@Tippexy is that a thing a cool wife, is it not just being sexually open minded?

BubblyBluePebbles · 24/06/2020 14:48

Just talk to your partner. All of this asking strangers their opinions is obviously not a substitute to having a meaningful conversation with your Husband.

Jennifer2r · 24/06/2020 16:41

Its not healthy to be 'disgusted' by the idea of anal penetration. 'not for me, thanks' is valid.

Carlottacoffee · 24/06/2020 16:57

@Jennifer2r

Its not healthy to be 'disgusted' by the idea of anal penetration. 'not for me, thanks' is valid.
I think it’s ok for people to feel disgusted by it. Your anus wasn’t designed to have anything pushed in it, it’s designed to push shit out of your body.

It can cause many serious health problems.

Also I don’t like the pressure teenage girls are put under to allow it because it’s being so normalised.

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/06/2020 17:01

Are you disgusted by gay men having anal sex Carlottacoffee?

lonelySam · 24/06/2020 17:02

I wouldn't care as it is his thing and he has the right to masturbate any way he wants.
I'd asked if he wanted to include bum play into our sex life.

GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 17:04

I wonder why when the stigma leads to them being called gay/bi/a cross dresser/transgender/a cheater/disgusting etc.

I'd had a warts and all style of relationship and communication with them - if they enjoyed it, they would have said. If wasn't raised by me and answered by them .. it was raised by them independently when discussing (usually humourously) our worst sexual experiences.
Two of them said ex gf's had tried to push fingers into their asses during eg oral sex, one saying it was painful and he was totally turned off .. the other that his pained, unhappy, knee jerk (literally knee jerk) reaction caused him to hit her quite hard on the head with his knee cap.

They were being honest.

And none of any other sexual.psryners have had had said they enjoy it either .. and I'm not hard to.talk to about sex, the contrary.

GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 17:05

Yes, your experience is unusual. Does that help?

Perhaps your experience is unusual, does that help?

GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 17:08

No-one has definitive knowledge on people's sexual habits or likes .... Not even someone who's had a great many partners.

My experience is no less valid that yours (and vice versa). So go patronise another poster.

Flittingabout · 24/06/2020 17:09

Disgust and poo go hand in hand surely as the disgust reflex is literally designed to stop us eating rotting things?

HollowTalk · 24/06/2020 17:10

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

I think I must be the reincarnation of Mary Whitehouse? I would be wtf? if I found this stuff. Realise I'm in the minority judging by this thread, I need to get out more.
Me too. My eyes would be boggling.
GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 17:13

Are you disgusted by gay men having anal sex Carlottacoffee?

What a passive aggressive, leading, smarmy way of trying to call someone homophobic.

You can acknowledge that the anus and rectum if either sex are not intended for sexual intercourse without being disgusted by it.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 24/06/2020 17:14

@GilbertMarkham is like me with her unusual experiences.
Also agree with the poster who said it was a concern about deceit rather than sexuality.

GilbertMarkham · 24/06/2020 17:17

And you can be disgusted by anal sex for both sexes without being homophobic.

Lynda07 · 24/06/2020 17:18

SeagoingSexpot

*Perhaps my experience is unusual (?) but I have yet to have sexual interaction with a hetero man (obviously I have only knowingly has sex with hetero men) who enjoys or is even open to objects being inserted into their back passage.
..
That's fair enough but a lot of hetero men like having their prostate tickled and it's an old 'working woman's' trick to get them to orgasm quicker. It doesn't have to be a 'big thing', just a little one will do as long as it reaches.

I've read about it.

Oscarsdaddy · 24/06/2020 17:46

I absolutely love having something up my butt when having sex, maybe he’s just biding his time before he asks you to start using them on him

If they are in a drawer that you have easy access to then it doesn’t appear to be much of a secret

Get involved and enjoy