If you found a vibrator in your DH’s drawer...

[Applesarenotoranges]

Specifically, if you found 2 new vibrators, an enema and already knew about a butt plug.

None used with you...

What would you think?

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it demonstrates that it's not beyond the bounds of human behaviour to be secretly bi/gay

of course it's not "beyond the bounds of human behaviour" to be secretly in the closet. Who ever thought it was? But to have not-particularly-hidden toys for anal stimulation which you happily cop to says absolutely zero about what gender you are attracted to.

Fucking hell.

As PP say, if you like anal stimulation and you're nervous about telling a partner/prefer to do it alone, you have to buy a toy.

The red flag would be the enema. It's generally used for cleanliness for other people. A toy can just be washed!

Several toys, an enema kit, not involving their partner in their interest plus regular business trips with solo hotel stays make me think cheating. The specific interest makes me think cheating with men. If the OP had found a drawer full of condoms and lube when they don’t use it together I wouldn’t be buying the ‘posh wank’ theory either.

Btw, enemas aren’t just about cleanliness. There’s a whole kink around enemas themselves. Maybe he was just curious or maybe he is into giving himself enemas.

@LaurieFairyCake

I'd be asking about the enema as that's usually to remove stuff/clear out (like sperm?)

You really need to do some research love 👍

There’s no evidence he’s cheating. It could be a cleanliness thing.

If he was cheating I doubt he’s leave it lying around for his wife to stumble upon.

I’m clearly a complete prude, because it would gross me out. Even the phrases ‘bum play’ and ‘butt fun’ make me cringe. I’d assume that they were for solo use , and I wouldn’t want to bring it up with him
because I wouldn’t want to be involved.

This thread Is depressing.

@Letthemysterybe it's ok I hate those sayings aswell

If it's just for wanking the it's the poshest cleanest wank that ever took place!!! All too much effort for a man 😂

I must admit I would think he may be gay or bi at least
If a straight woman likes a bit of anal play, does that make her a gay man?

So many cool wives on here!
Not about being cool, it's about having open conversations about sex with the person you have sex with.

I also don't think people would use an enema just for sex with themselves
Seriously? Why not?
I don't understand why it's so hard to comprehend that he might want his anal play to be clean.
Why do so many posters, who don't do enemas or enjoy anal play themselves, profess some kind of knowledge about what circumstances an enema would and wouldn't be used for!

I think he likes to bang on his butt like a bongo

If a straight woman likes a bit of anal play, does that make her a gay man?
And continuing on this theme, if a lesbian masturbated with a vibrator would everyone be saying she's actually straight/bi and obviously cheating because she must want an actual penis?

As I did say I used to manage a sex shop (adult entertainment store if you will)

& my concern this is a sign of not just solo play, is based purely around the enema, not the toys! Toys can be washed. People usually buy enemas to prepare for actual interactions with another. People above suggesting this bloke has an enema fetish are reaching - if it looks/walk/talks like a dick it’s a dick.

So not being “bi-phobic” here - I personally enjoy it myself with the right respectful, gentle & patient partner.

So I am as far from anal phobia as they come.

Some people are really invested in sounding awakened or “woke” to the point that nobody can make a comment anymore about someone’s possible orientation based on finding a fucking enema or we are labelled “phobic”.

Also I had not even seen the info regarding the hotel stays - this is an added feature to a troubling find (enema not the toys)

I too also dislike the “play” terminology - “bum play” - etc. You’d get blokes coming in saying “I’m into impact play” - and they’ll be they just referencing that they about giving or receiving a slap/spank/hit in the bedroom. They’re the wanky BDSM / Swingers who give off an air of being more highly evolved than us boring old fashioned monogamists.

Enjoy a nice slap on the bottom during intercourse too, but not so obsessed with sex or myself feel the need to label & identify everything I like & add “play” on the end. It both sounds & seems silly IMO

*What would concern me is the enema as that would suggest a partner’s involvement

Agreed, with bells on! No reason to use that if you're alone*

Depends what colour your sheets are.

I doubt anyone wants TMI here so I'll be brief. Yes I'm male and I would love if my g-spot was conveniently not up my butt but here we are:

• When I bought a toy for that purpose I nearly got an enema because the website I used (my country's version of lovehoney basically) had it in the 'people who bought this also bought...' suggestions underneath, along with the lube etc. I was initially paranoid about 'mess' and the idea of guaranteeing I was clean appealed.

• The affordable vibrating plugs are sooo weak compared to the powerhouses they make for women, so I can understand buying a standard vibrator.

• I've traveled for work and stayed in hotels. You have more time. If I'd owned such things back then it would definitely have been seen as an opportunity.

• For all this it's rare I use them. It's an occasional thing.

• I can't comment on the subject of honesty because it was my girlfriend who encouraged me to try in the first place. She's really a wonder.

How would it make me feel?

Confused. Hurt that he didn't want to talk to me about it and include me in something he wanted to experiment with.

What would I do?

One of two things; I might be bold and confront him about what I found and gently ease into the conversation so as not to make him feel embarrassed. Or I might be a little more clever about it - bring up a conversation about sex and ask him if he would ever consider experimenting with things like that on him, see what he says. If he says yes, suggest we look at a naughty shop online and pick something out - see if he comes clean about what he already owns.

@YouBetINamechangedForThis

I doubt anyone wants TMI here so I'll be brief. Yes I'm male and I would love if my g-spot was conveniently not up my butt but here we are:

• When I bought a toy for that purpose I nearly got an enema because the website I used (my country's version of lovehoney basically) had it in the 'people who bought this also bought...' suggestions underneath, along with the lube etc. I was initially paranoid about 'mess' and the idea of guaranteeing I was clean appealed.

• The affordable vibrating plugs are sooo weak compared to the powerhouses they make for women, so I can understand buying a standard vibrator.

• I've traveled for work and stayed in hotels. You have more time. If I'd owned such things back then it would definitely have been seen as an opportunity.

• For all this it's rare I use them. It's an occasional thing.

• I can't comment on the subject of honesty because it was my girlfriend who encouraged me to try in the first place. She's really a wonder.

Thank you so much for this. I was hoping to have a male perspective on it...

I would have asked him outright with the vibrator in my hand, and would get to the bottom of it pretty quickly.

Yes, wave it at him like a light saber 😂😂

I would have asked him outright with the vibrator in my hand, and would get to the bottom of it pretty quickly.

Yes, wave it at him like a light saber 😂😂

Was the pun intended 'get to the bottom of
It'

OP based on your last update I'd definitely give him the benefit of the doubt (if there was any) too. Maybe if it's not your thing - or not something he sees as anything other than for solo use, he took to using these things alone - much as may women have vibrators.

I'd honestly not worry, really.

What next? Crossdressing? Is he gay/bi/trans? My mind would be all over the place looking for an answer if that happened to me.

*As I did say I used to manage a sex shop (adult entertainment store if you will)

& my concern this is a sign of not just solo play, is based purely around the enema, not the toys! Toys can be washed. People usually buy enemas to prepare for actual interactions with another. People above suggesting this bloke has an enema fetish are reaching - if it looks/walk/talks like a dick it’s a dick.

So not being “bi-phobic” here - I personally enjoy it myself with the right respectful, gentle & patient partner.

So I am as far from anal phobia as they come.

Some people are really invested in sounding awakened or “woke” to the point that nobody can make a comment anymore about someone’s possible orientation based on finding a fucking enema or we are labelled “phobic” *

Enemas are actually quite a big thing in the kink/fetish scene. It’s not at all beyond the bounds of possibility that this is something he indulges in on his own, in a hotel room, when he has time and won’t be disturbed.

I wouldn’t at all jump to the conclusion that he’s preparing for anal sex with someone based on the enema use.

^oh, and it’s not “woke” to think someone is unlikely to be bi just cos of enema use