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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hes cheated on me

346 replies

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:43

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP posts:
LockdownLoopy · 10/05/2020 15:45

That's horrific. I'm sorry this has happened to you so soon after coming home from hospital. Is she accusing him of rape?

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 15:48

He has only told you because he knows you would find out anyway. Because she is probably going to report him by the sounds of it.

You do know what to do. This disgusting man cheated on you the second he could. While you were ill in hospital none the less.

It also seems he took advantage of a young, intoxicated woman. Sick.

Pack his bags and kick him out.
So sorry op. But dont let this disgusting pig anywhere near you ever again. I'd bet my ass it wasnt the first time he cheated either.

Original poster
Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:48

She said shes gonna go to police but she hasn't up to now. I want to go round and tell her parents what she is saying and what's happened but shes said if she gets any phone calls or threats she'll go to the police

OP posts:
bluestarsatnightfall · 10/05/2020 15:49

How old is she? How old is your partner?

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 10/05/2020 15:50

Focus on your physical health first. You don't need to deal with this right now. Would you be ok physically if he moved out? There's a lot for you to process. His cheating. His possible sexual exploitation of a younger woman. You don't need to fix him or your marriage if you don't want to, but just look after yourself for now

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2020 15:50

Get him out of the house now.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 10/05/2020 15:51

Her parents will believe her. Victims need to be believed. Don't do anything rash

Original poster
Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:51

Shes 18 hes 35

OP posts:
Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 15:52

OP would you like it if someone slept with you when you were too drunk to consent - and then their wife told your parents about it?

Wtf op?!
Come on snap the fuck out of it!

Even if it isnt true, she isnt the bad guy, your husband is. He is the one who owes you loyalty and betrayed it.

Lostvoiced · 10/05/2020 15:52

Why would you go to her parents? How young is she?

Nobody made your husband cheat. I'm so sorry he did this to you, especially while you were vulnerable in hospital, not to mention his risking your health by cheating during a pandemic!

CayrolBaaaskin · 10/05/2020 15:52

Why would you tell her parents?

I would bet this is not the first time your dh has done this. Do you have any family support?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/05/2020 15:52

Do not go round threatening either this woman or her family!!!

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 15:53

Omg thars disgusting op. 18? He obviously took advantage.

Get him the fuck out of your house.

Thingsdogetbetter · 10/05/2020 15:53

Her parents? Bloody hell how young is she??

And what exactly do you think achieving by going her parents? What are you planning to say? "Your daughter is acussing my cheating husband of taking advantage of her, tell her to stop."Too bloody right she'll go to the police if you or your dh phone her. It's called harassment!

CayrolBaaaskin · 10/05/2020 15:54

If she is saying she will go to the police she clearly thinks she has been raped. How awful op. Please get away from your dh.

Original poster
Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:54

@Lostvoiced that's why I was in the hospital. I just want to hear what she has to say

OP posts:
Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 15:58

Why does it matter what she has to say?

At best your husband has admitted cheating on you with a drunk young girl half his age. Which is unacceptable. And obviously beings in the question of consent. At worst he is a rapist. Sure, the later is worse, but neither are acceptable in a man or a marriage.

Also, if she has been raped, op her feelings are more important right now. You cant be selfish and storn round there. She is practically a kid. And needs protecting. Not interrogating.

TheTigerQueen · 10/05/2020 15:59

OP why would you want to hear what she had to say? What do you expect to hear from her?
I think if you try to contact her at all you will make this situation a hell of a lot worse.
If he works with her when will he see her next ? Tomorrow?
Has he told you details about what happened?

Thingsdogetbetter · 10/05/2020 15:59

You don't have the right to hear what she has to say. If she takes it to court, you'll hear then. You demand answers and you'll be harassing which is possibly a very traumatised teenager.

What has your husband got to say? Would he have told you about cheating if she hadn't mentioned the police?

Lostvoiced · 10/05/2020 16:00

That is horrible.

To be honest, if I were you I probably would contact her, though it probably isn't the best idea.

Just wondering, does he have some kind of proof that she said she will go to the police (texts or something) if called or is that just from your husband? He could be lying to stop you contacting her. It's not a nice thought but its worth considering.

CoronaIsShit · 10/05/2020 16:00

Why on earth would you go round to her parents?

I get you are in shock but really don’t open yourself up to that!

Where were they drinking? How did he get her drunk? Is she saying he spiked her?

He only told you because she’s accusing him of this. Did her parents find out she’s shagged a married man?

Tell him to leave and deal with her accusations himself. I imagine there will be implications for his job if they work together.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 10/05/2020 16:02

Doesn’t matter what she has to stay, and she shouldn’t have to justify or explain herself to you. It could also be seen as witness intimidation so I would keep away.

Focus on your cheating creep of a husband not that poor girl.

CarolefeckinBaskin · 10/05/2020 16:02

You should get out or make him leave. This is not a person that cares about you.
He's only told you because a visit from the police is possibly on the cards.
You should not involve her parents - it's got nothing to do with them assuming she's old enough.

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 16:05

@lostvoiced
The girl told op not to contact her. If she ignores this she could be arrested for harassment. It really would not look good for op to go round their house after her partner has potentially done something illegal to this girl. The police potentially, would view it as threatening behaviour. And rightly so.

Plenty of men attack women, it is not the wife's right to go round the victims house and find out the details. It is the wife right to leave the bastard.

Dontbeme · 10/05/2020 16:06

The person you should be speaking to is your DH, not the teenager that he slept with when you were in hospital. What are you hoping to achieve by going to her home and speaking to her parents? Do you think they will ground her for letting married men get her drunk and having sex with her when she may not be able to consent? Talk to your DH maybe try telling him to leave for being a cheat at best and Christ knows what at worst.