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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hes cheated on me

346 replies

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:43

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/05/2020 17:01

Leave the poor victim alone, and deal with your arsehole DH.

sergeilavrov · 10/05/2020 17:01

Always, always believe those who speak out about this type of offence. The damage done by not doing so is sometimes irreparable, not only to the mental health of the survivor but also to your own situation e.g. social services, your work if you fail to act to protect yourself and children from what could be a predatory individual.

Blanca87 · 10/05/2020 17:01

She's not a girl, though. She's a young person. Let that sink, OP. Your creepy husband at best had sex with a young person or at worst he raped a young person.

Patsypie · 10/05/2020 17:02

Throw the cunt out! That's revolting. He clearly has zero respect for you or women.

Original poster

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 17:03

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her at all. He should know better at 35 and I dont and wont ever condone what he has done but what type of person sleeps with a married man? They arranged to have a drink they both knew what the outcome would be sorry I'm really angry and know ppl will attack me for this

OP posts:

Raidblunner · 10/05/2020 17:04

Definitely chuck the twat out, I sincerely hope she does go to the police and have the creep charged!

Pollypocket89 · 10/05/2020 17:05

If she 'knew what the outcome would be' why do you think she's going to the police op? Normal people don't do that

stakeholderwizz · 10/05/2020 17:05

How did they meet for a drink under isolation?

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/05/2020 17:06

Have you got any hard evidence for that though? If this was her end game and she got to sleep with him why then say it wasn’t consensual or that he got her drunk?.

It doesn’t hold water.

I’m really pleased when my plans come to fruition.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 17:07

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her at all.

They arranged to have a drink they both knew what the outcome would be

May as well just type "she was asking for it" eh?

So you've known about this for months then, or he's suddenly happened to tell you she's been "trying it on" for months now he's shagged her?

And she's gone to the police for a laugh has she? Do you know how traumatic it is to report a sexual assault and be questioned? People with your attitude make it unbearable.

So you've kicked him out then or not?

Thingsdogetbetter · 10/05/2020 17:07

Did you husband tell you she was after him before or after he admitted to 'sleeping' with her?

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 17:08

Just wondering if there has been control/abuse in this relationship because it almost feels as if op needs to prove to herself that he is a rapist or uncover all the truth before she can say 'move out'.

Narcissists and the like often gaslight us so much that they get us into a headspace where we feel we have to be able to prove how unacceptable their behaviour is.

For example he might currently be saying 'yes I cheated but I've came clean and I've been under such emotional stress lately, you really should be more understanding. It was just a mistake. And this girl is out to get me. Why wont you believe me? Wahwah poor me I'm so put upon and misunderstood'. Ect. So that leaves op feeling like she needs to prove to herself somehow that be is the one in the wrong. Perhaps by contacting this girl.

But the thing is op: he is the one in the wrong.ge is horrible. And he actually knows it. Despite perhaps lying to the contrary. And you dont need to prove it to him to leave him. You just need to believe it yourself and get out if there. Dont let him make excuses or mindful you. Just run!

SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 17:08

So while he should be social distancing, he got as close as he humanly could to another human being!

what type of person sleeps with a married man?

Or what type of married man sleeps with a teenager when his wife is in hospital.... during a global pandemic no less.

I can see you'll have your H back and blame her instead. Good luck with that....you really need to lay it all on him or did he forget he was married with kids.

DollyDoDo · 10/05/2020 17:08

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family.

I suppose your trustworthy husband told you this did he?

Wake up OP he only told you because he feared somebody else would. That way he can tell you all the lies he likes.

Stop focusing on the single person and focus on your cheating husband who by the sounds of it may have done something worse than cheat!

Also
They arranged to have a drink

Where pubs and such are all closed?

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 17:09

*mindfuck

YappityYapYap · 10/05/2020 17:09

Did he say to her that it wouldn't be happening again or start ignoring her then she started the threats to report him or has she asked him to stop contacting her or she'll report him? The two situations would involve very different motives on her part

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 10/05/2020 17:09

Oh dear. Don't let him minimise it, blame her or talk you round. If she was drunk she can't give consent. It's rape. He is attracted to teenagers. He is not monogamous. You were in hospital and he was having sex with a teenager. Do not fall for his bullshit. The truth is probably nothing like what he is telling you to save his own arse. He needs you by his side when the police come knocking. He is only thinking to protect himself. Get rid

pointythings · 10/05/2020 17:10

Shelleygi

if you haven't spoken to the girls, you only have your cheater husband's word for what she said and did. Think about that.

she's 18.

he didn't have to take her up on her offer, if she did offer.

You seem to want to blame her so that he's the poor innocent naive guy who got fooled by the nubile predatory young woman. Shame on you. Redirect your anger where it belongs.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 17:11

Again OP - have you kicked him out then?

AllsortsofAwkward · 10/05/2020 17:11

Sounds like she was raped op. At 35 he knew better than to meet up with an 18year old who was a junior colleague to him.

NotaFreeloader · 10/05/2020 17:11

I’m really sorry to say this but when I was 18 neither me or any of my friends would have found a 35 year old remotely attractive and what you are saying is very worrying he is is telling you she pursued him but not that it matter but at 18 most young women are not going to go that far out of their age group for dating etc
It sounds to me like your dh is trying very hard to paint a picture where he is blameless and I know it’s hard to accept but you have to see that this girl is a victim here, you are too. Don’t believe everything he says please

bloodyhellsbellsx · 10/05/2020 17:15

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her

You sound as vile as your husband, I suppose she was asking for it?

teaandcake19 · 10/05/2020 17:15

I had complete and upper sympathy for you until you posted this.

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 17:16

She's been trying it on for months because he has been telling her that you and him are over and just live together as glorified flatmates these days. That she is the only one who understands him and that you, are crazy/needy/nasty ext...

OP if she had EVER tried it on with him, why didn't he set her straight immediately? Why did he continue to work around her? Because he liked her and because he wanted to cheat. He planned it. Probay groomed her. Waited till u were away and then pounced.

You can not like her all you want. Just make sure you dislike him more so. And get rid.

LouHotel · 10/05/2020 17:16

From a seriously sympathetic opening post you’ve managed to lose every ounce of sympathy by the second, well done that’s got to be record.

Seriously fucking depressing women think this of other women - sex or potentially in this case is not an immediate outcome of having a drink with a work colleague, how utterly deluded are you.

She is barely an adult still living at home with her parents even if it was consensual a much older man that you work with (presumably in a more senior position) is still taking advantage.

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