Hes cheated on me

[Shelleygi]

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP have you ever read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft? Read it in secret from your husband.

Perhaps someone here has the PDF please?

It's a life changer for the abused, OP. Eye opening enlightenment.

Have they arranged a follow up appointment?. 7 days sertraline isn’t exactly a long term plan for you is it.

Oh Shelley bloody hell. What an awful man he is. Take the sertraline - it's mildly sedating and will give you some rest. Make sure you eat if you can. If not, hot sweet tea is a good start. It's no wonder you reacted the way you did with this man in your life.

There's something seriously wrong with your husband. No matter what the truth is, there's no coming back from this. Who would want to be with someone like him.

Is you DH still in the family home ? you said he had left OP ? was this not true of has he returned ? I wouldn't trust anything he say now OP..

It might be an idea to call the police. That way, you can tell them what your husband is alleged to have done; you can tell them what she is alleged to have done in terms of blackmail; and you can tell them what he is doing in terms of applying a great deal of emotional pressure. They can get to the bottom of it, and you can focus on your health and safety, because investigating this isn’t your responsibility.

Hearing what your husband has done and is now doing has actually made me feel physically sick. I understand some of what you are feeling as will many people on mumsnet.

Things will get better and you will find strength. Are you able to stay with your mam?

Every poster on here that gave the OP shit..

Shame on you!

She was reaching out for help and you made her feel 10 times worse

Now OP is 'lovely' and 'your strong' because your nasty shitty judgemental words finally took its toll on her.

Well done!

OP, i hope you get better soon, and find the strength to do what is best for you and your family xx

Every poster on here that gave the OP shit.

Shame on you!

She was reaching out for help and you made her feel 10 times worse.

Now OP is 'lovely' and 'your strong' because your nasty shitty judgemental words finally took its toll on her.

You are way overreaching here. It's the husband's monstrous behaviour that has taken a toll on OP, and driven her to the condition she's currently in. This is because he's a sadist. I've lived with one: I know fine well what they do to your head.

There is no circumstance under which victim-blaming - that's automatically assuming any woman on the receiving end of male abuse must either be lying or it's somehow her fault - is not deeply problematic. The earlier tone of this thread reflected that problem. It's a very damaging attitude, and it is not, in any way, unreasonable to point that out.

It was apparent only later that OP was only parrotting that assertion because her husband has so effectively manipulated and controlled her, to the extent that she has internalized that narrative. She is a victim of abuse as much, and probably more so, than the 18-YO he probably groomed, at best shamelessly took advantage of and tried to sack, or at worst raped. The latter is a horrible, intrusive crime and what he's doing to her is the psychological equivalent.

These two women are both victims of one abusive man. You're channelling your anger in entirely the wrong direction here, and it's unlikely to be in any way helpful to the OP.

Well put @MarieIVanArkleStinks

And @Bearsmum15 I told OP early in the thread that the victim blaming was abhorrent and disgraceful, I have also in my most recent post acknowledged that I said that and said that I still feel for her and hope she is safe, suggested ways she can seek advice etc.

Life isn't always about picking one definitive side, that isn't how it works. My sympathy for OP being a victim of abuse doesn't negate my previous judgement of her victim blaming, just as my sympathy to OP doesn't mean I feel the 18 year old young woman is any less of a victim.

They are both victims of a highly manipulative cunt of a man. They aren't mutually exclusive and while you are accusing people of shouting at OP and then 'switching sides' to a 'your (you're) so strong' narrative, that isn't what's happened.

I hope OP is ok, I hope the young woman is ok and I hope that the man involved is brought to justice somehow because he sounds like a sociopath.

It's perfectly possible to vehemently disagree with someones opinion on something and still support them overall.

And no, op is ill because she is living with a psychopath.

At this point it's impossible to believe a word that comes out of your H's mouth. He's a very sick man...sick in the head.

Whatever him and this girl are doing is crazy...but I suspect he hasn't gone from being a good husband to this. Think back to all the crap he must have put you through and use that as strength to have him out of your life.

Have you told his family about all this? His friends? Let them know what a fool he is and try and get support from your own family and friends.

Your husband is a prick OP.
Very confused as to why your husbands friend was totally chill about family of his friend who he's never met staying at his house during lockdown. We're not meant to be seeing anyone not in our household, and yet somehow your husband (with a wife in hospital with the virus) casually asks his friend if random family can stay at his house?

Why on earth would you go to her parents house? What do you expect to force her to change her mind?? Your husband is in the wrong not her, she's practically an adolescent and your husband is a grown man who thought it was perfectly acceptable to cheat on his ill wife. Have you not wondered if he has done this before? 'she's tried it on many times' how on earth do you know that? And if she had she's a hormonal teenager, not long out of childhood, teenagers have high emotions and make errors. All it seems like here is that your condoning your husbands behaviour to try and convince yourself it was a mistake because he was manipulated where instead he was probably the manipulator. For them to have even slept together he must have had some interest or been 'too friendly'? If he knew she was interested why didn't he take himself out of the situation as the adult. Stop Blaming the other woman (who in this case is practically a child) and look at what is wrong in your own relationship.

If you're mum is supportive enough to be looking after your children, then why can't you talk to her?

@Shelleygi

Why have you not shown him the door?,you're missing the point here;he cheated on you.Game over.

Why are you angry at this teenager?,your husbands the one who shagged a drunk teen.He's only told you because he's had too.
she's barely an adult and he's in his mid thirties.

@popsydoodle4444 please read the full threads or at the very least the OP's updates before commenting! Things have moved on considerably!

Is he in the house with you OP? If so, please consider also going to your mum. He is going to fill your head with other bullshit if you are around him.

I am not in UK but can you go to A&E and tell them of your suicidal thoughts.

@Shelleygi 'Doctor gave me 7 pills of sertraline'

Only 7 pills? Sertraline is an SSRI that is usually prescribed with 28 pills. In 7 days, the drug won't have built up in your system properly. Get some more pills!

@Shelleygi stay strong. You'll get through the worst of this and it'll get easier!

@FlyingTinOfBeans if op is suicidal then a doctor won’t prescribe a month of medication she’ll have to go back to the docs at 7 days to get a new script until the doctor is satisfied she won’t consume multiples.