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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hes cheated on me

346 replies

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:43

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 10/05/2020 17:16

You have no right to go to her parents, even the suggestion shows you are thinking of her as a child....so your last post is very hypocritical.

Also what do you think might happen with this girls father? For all you know he'd beat the crap out of your husband!!! and he would probably deserve it!

Best case scenario he cheated on you with an 18 year old girl which is vile!!
Worst case he's a rapist.

Ugh, I couldn't be under the same room as him even if I thought it was 'just' cheating!

B0bbin · 10/05/2020 17:17

I am sorry you've been told about this while you're unwell OP. The 18 year old may have been 'trying it on' (not sure if that's your husband's words that you have just taken to be trueConfused) but even so, if they have had sex and she did not consent then it is rape. Even if she liked the idea of it earlier that day/ evening. It's not her fault either way. 18 is very young. Some 18 year olds are really child- like still. He is the one you should be blaming. It's not for you to investigate, as much as you want to know the details. It's really sad that he has done this. He has broken your marriage. It is up to you whether you decide to try and get past this or get rid I suppose. I'd LTB.

LouHotel · 10/05/2020 17:19

I hope to god you don’t have daughters who your raising to be responsible for the actions of men.

SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 17:19

Again OP - have you kicked him out then?

Doubtful, when she's blaming the 18 year old for trying it on.

Did he tell you this before he slept with her or after?

If she was drunk, she couldn't give consent. Stay away from her, or you'll make it much worse.

I couldn't have any respect for a man who cheats, especially at this dangerous time... no regard for the health of you or your children.

There would be no coming back from this given his blatant wrecklessness.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 17:24

I hope to god you don’t have daughters who your raising to be responsible for the actions of men.

This.

And @SandyY2K it's so depressing isn't it? Clearly he will be sleeping at home tonight.

With female apologists like OP, who needs male misogynists eh?

BumbleBeee69 · 10/05/2020 17:25

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her at all. He should know better at 35 and I dont and wont ever condone what he has done but what type of person sleeps with a married man? They arranged to have a drink they both knew what the outcome would be sorry I'm really angry and know ppl will attack me for this

WOW .. fucking WOW OP... you are disgusting Confused

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 10/05/2020 17:25

The most important thing is to get him to leave the house so you can physically heal and get away from his lies and gaslighting. I think when you can think straight you will be traumatized further. He is a danger to you right now

thethoughtfox · 10/05/2020 17:26

Do you have any proof that he has been sexually harassed by a young work colleague? This smells of fish.

FailNameC · 10/05/2020 17:26

Flipping heck OP.. WAKE UP!

Redred2429 · 10/05/2020 17:28

OP again the only person you should be angry with is your husband yet you seem to be directing all your anger at a young girl rather than your husband

StuckInnTheMiddle · 10/05/2020 17:30

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her at all

This is disgusting. You are victim blaming. I mean I feel for you, in that no one should be cheated on by their spouse, but you can not think it is ok to blame an 18 year old girl for something what was wholly your Dh’s fault. He’s the one who held all the power here. She’s young, was drunk and took advantage of her. He’s disgusting and so are you for blaming her

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 17:35

Considering you married this scumball and he has done this to you op, I wouldn't be so quick to trust my character judgement rn anyway. You thought he was decent and it turns out he isnt, maybe you are wrong to judge her.

If it were me I might think she was a stupid young thing. But I would feel sorry for her more than anything else. Perhaps a little jealous that my hubby likes this young thing...and angry at her for that. But I'd have the sense and the courage to admit- that that was my own shortcoming. Not her fault. And considering he is an utter scummy, cheating bastard, who cares if he fancies someone else anyway.

Queenoftheashes · 10/05/2020 17:35

Jesus Christ your husband’s a cunt. Clearly you don’t want that to be the truth but it is.
He’s a fucking dirty old man in the best case scenario here.

PicsInRed · 10/05/2020 17:36

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family.

Yeah, says the old perv who rapes makes intercourse at a drunk teenager.

If she wanted it that badly, and that publicly, there would be no shame or regret now, would there? Nothing to go back on.

Wouldnt put too much stock in what a teen raper says anyway.

overweightcat · 10/05/2020 17:37

Is this an ongoing thing you were aware of or is he all of a sudden claiming "she's been trying it on for months" ?

SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 17:38

@BackseatCookers

And @SandyY2K it's so depressing isn't it? Clearly he will be sleeping at home tonight.

It's very sad indeed. I mean, there's cheating and there's there's this..it just beggars belief that he would do this right now.

Putting his sexual desires above the health of his own family, would really make me be decisive....regardless of how he may have been lured by the scarlet woman👩

Lostvoiced · 10/05/2020 17:39

Your anger is misplaced. She could have "tried it on" for eternity and it would have come to nothing if he hadn't wanted to cheat.

I hope you can find some peace and realise who has really wronged you here.

How do you know she was "trying it on"? Just from what he said? Sounds like classic victim blaming.

orangelucozade · 10/05/2020 17:39

Oh dear. I don't think calling the OP disgusting and other hurtful names is going to help here. Previous posters are right though, but it could have been said in a much nicer/more helpful way at least. Unfortunately it does sound like this young woman was raped, and I suspect your DH is trying to cover his tracks by telling you now and feeding you lies about her coming onto him etc.

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life about this OP? Any family/close friends?

Sympathies Thanks I can't imagine how you must be feeling x

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 10/05/2020 17:40

She's been trying it on with him for months he says, I bet he's never done this before either. Hmm
OP you're on a hiding to nothing and your anger is misplaced. Honestly, you would be kicking a hornets nest if you start harassing this girl and her family. I would be more concerned about your husband's sexual incontinence.

emilybrontescorsett · 10/05/2020 17:42

So if an 18 year old young man was coming on to you op whilst knowing you were married with a family what would be your response to him inviting you out for a drink during a global pandemic ?
Hold on dont tell me.
Knowing the love of your life was ill in hospital, in quite frankly the worst time ever to be ill in hospital, and whilst you were supposedly looking after your own children, you would go out and get pissed with the besotted 18 year old!
Yes that is exactly what you would do. You would get so pissed and giddy that you would end up having sex with him, against your better judgement of course, then when the young man went into work and broke down telling his colleague that you had abused him you would run home crying to your ill husband declaring:
“Hello love, I know you are on deaths door but here’s the thing, I accidentally fucked the young man who is besotted by me. We went out to the imaginary pub and then shared body fluids ( I know, I know, 2 metres I know). The kids were left to their own devices and my boss is fucking livid, oh and the police are coming to arrest me......but it wasn’t my fault!”

LouLouLoo · 10/05/2020 17:45

Take your blinkers off OP.

Instead of asking what 18 year old would sleep with a married man, ask yourself what 35 year old married man would sleep with a drunk 18 year old?

Your husband is revolting.

You really need to have a think about what you’re saying. If an 18 year old was trying it in with my husband he’d be terrified not flattered. The last thing he’d do is meet her for a drink.

QueenofDestruction · 10/05/2020 17:47

I can't believe you are asking about her character when your husband has proved what a low life he is.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 10/05/2020 17:49

Exactly Emily. This is a child, possibly the office apprentice? Having a kid who was an office apprentice and knowing how much of a power imbalance there was between him and his older colleagues this thread is quite sickening to me. I'm not sure how you can't see that OP.

emilybrontescorsett · 10/05/2020 17:49

Actually if you do go round to her parents you might be doing them a favour.
If someone confronted my dh and said she was the wife, dh would go round and break every bone in your dhs body.

kingkuta · 10/05/2020 17:53

Where is this supposed to have happened OP? You say you have kids and you were in hospital so who was with the kids during lockdown when they were getting pissed and having sex?

He must have done a real number on you for you to believe she had been after him for months. The other way round more like. He sounds vile.