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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hes cheated on me

346 replies

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:43

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP posts:
MondeoFan · 10/05/2020 17:57

18 and 35 this is terrible. Do you know any more details? Did they go for a drink first etc? Did it happen in your house?

MondeoFan · 10/05/2020 18:00

Please don't stick up for him and say things like "she's been after him for months" what your husband has done is disgusting and wrong in so many levels.
The age
The blame
The fact he should be social distancing
He's cheated on you
He has no morals or respect
He has taken advantage of a young adult

The only good thing is that he managed to tell you

Figgygal · 10/05/2020 18:04

Hold on a minute your husband cheats on you while you’re in hospital and it’s now suggested she was too drunk to consent and you’re angry with HER?

Fucking hell woman give your head a wobble.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 18:05

OP doesn't like people treating her with 1% of the disdain she's treated this 18 year old young woman so I doubt she'll be back.

To be fair she's also probably busy making his dinner.

Alfiemoon1 · 10/05/2020 18:06

Sorry you are going through this op especially as you are unwell. I agree with everyone you need to direct your anger at dh not this girl and please don’t contact her parents How do you know she’s been trying it on for months ? Has your dh told you this after he slept with her or have you got proof? Obviously he should of resisted as he married she’s only 18 etc etc what does he have to say about her claims he took advantage of her and may go to the police?

Where did they meet up considering we are in lockdown?

I hope you have some rl support op

Chavvysexponds · 10/05/2020 18:07

She's a teenager. Barely an adult. Only just drinking age.

You're blaming her over your 35 year old DP?

SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 18:09

if you're still reading OP...try and get support from someone IRL.... don't feel you have to keep it to yourself. Maybe one trusted friend or a sibling that you can confide in.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2020 18:09

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family

Sure she has, he told you that right?

Cmon op. It’s ok to say you’re going to forgive him, but don’t go blaming the teen as a way to justify it.

Sparrowlegs248 · 10/05/2020 18:10

So he should know better at 35, yet you're blaming an 18 yr old who quite possibly does not "know better"? What sort of 35 yr old man sleeps with a drunk 18 year old?

SpencerReidsMistress · 10/05/2020 18:11

Sorry did I just read OP that you're blaming the 18yo over the scum DP 👀 OP she wasn't asking for it and clearly didn't know what the outcome was going to be if she feels he's taken advantage of.

Sparrowlegs248 · 10/05/2020 18:11

Also, the bit about her knowing he has a wife and family, she owes you nothing OP. Your husband is the one who has cheated on you, not her.

Mullikins · 10/05/2020 18:12

At best he's a cheater, at worst he's a rapist. Why is all your focus on the young woman in this situation rather than your dh? She owes you nothing, especially if she's the victim in this situation.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2020 18:14

Agree, op you need to grasp if she’s saying she was drunk and is going to report him. she is saying she didn’t consent to sex with him and he raped her.

That doesn’t sound like someone after him for months does it?

Where did they have this drink? She lives with her parents? So where did he meet her and have sex/rape her?

And as for going round, I would really recommend you don’t as this is a rape accusation.

JKScot4 · 10/05/2020 18:17

The only other possible side to this is, they’ve been having an affair, he refuses to leave you and she’s now threatened this.
Even if that’s a possibility he’s still a lying cheating scumbag and he’s only told you because he’s in a corner.

Inthepurplerain · 10/05/2020 18:23

‘ Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family. So no I dont feel sorry for her at all, what sort of person sleeps with a married man?’

I dunno, but I wouldn’t say the type of person who would say these things after their husband has been disgusting, is much better of a person tbh.

crustycrab · 10/05/2020 18:32

So she chased him for months (all
cheating men claim this fwiw), then the minute she got what she allegedly wanted she threatens to go to the police and accuse him of rape if he doesn't leave her alone? Hmm that doesn't add up. It's extremely unlikely.

Or he raped her and she's telling the truth. More likely.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/05/2020 18:40

At best he's a cheater, at worst he's a rapist THIS!!!

FallenSkies · 10/05/2020 19:04

OP, I'm so sorry that you have come out of hospital to be faced with this nightmare, rather than a supportive husband on hand to help your further recovery. The whole situation must be such a shock for you!
Did your husband tell you of her advances when they first happened, after a little while but before you were hospitalised or after the incident?
Where did this happen? Did he invite her in to your home?
Do you have children OP?
I hope you are ok.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/05/2020 19:07

Shes been trying it on with him for months knowing that he had a wife and family

Wow. You really are something else. Your husband stands potentially accused of rape and you are concerned with his cheating on you, not the effects of a hideous, traumatic crime on the teenage victim or, for that matter, what exactly this makes him. Victim-blaming, misogyny and apologism all at one stroke amounts to a person who needs to take a long, hard look at themselves. Instead what do you do? You speak of harassing her. I'm glad she intends to report anything of the kind to the police. I also speak as a once teenage victim of rape. Sort out your priorities, lady.

FallenSkies · 10/05/2020 19:12

Sorry, just seen that you said you have a family together. If you were in hospital who was looking after the children?

emilybrontescorsett · 10/05/2020 20:35

Op- you need to speak to someone in rl. Do not minimise this. Whatever has happened it is not good. You need time to think, time to see your dh for what he is.

SocialifeofHotWaterBottle · 10/05/2020 20:49

If you are OK with his behaviour what's the problem OP? I don't get why you are posting? Crack on. Get a check up at the GUM clinic in a month or two though.

cakecakecheese · 10/05/2020 20:51

Even if she had been 'trying it on' with your husband for months, heck even if she explicitly said she wanted to have sex with him before they met up that doesn't mean she consented, she may have been too drunk or just changed her mind. I know you're upset but blaming this teenager is ridiculous when your husband is clearly massively in the wrong here and potentially a rapist.

LittleFoxKit · 10/05/2020 20:59

From what OP has said I doubt it was rape. I wonder if the situation was more she thought he would leave OP for her, or that it meant something, and when hes decided it was a mistake is now trying to get her own back and realise she made a mistake, and will potentially look like a home wrecker by sleeping with a married man or has no intention to actually report him, but knows he would have to tell OP if the risk is there, hoping it will split them up.

Either way I would absolutely LTB as hes shown he has 0 respect for you.

But I'm loath to condemn a man as a rapist when the prior situation suggests that isnt the case and I've personally known women to do exactly the same things in the situations I've noted above. And more often then not it's been young women going after older men. (And I say this as someone who was raped by my "best" friend a long time ago so by no means am I victim blaming or shaming, just realistic with the information provided).

SandyY2K · 10/05/2020 20:59

I just want to hear what she has to say

Best leave it to the authorities, or you could be accused of intimidation of a vulnerable victim.

Concentrate on getting your health at moment. Focus on that and your DC.

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