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Original poster

Hes cheated on me

346 replies

Shelleygi · 10/05/2020 15:43

Just been discharged from hospital 3 days ago and husband has come home last night and said hes cheated on me with a very young girl from work. She is accusing him of taking advantage of her sad he got her drunk etc.. this Happened the day I came out of hospital. I'm heartbroken dont know what to do

OP posts:
chinam · 10/05/2020 16:07

I’m sorry you’re hurting but the last place you should go looking for answers is to the home of an 18 year old. Your husband is disgusting.

Clymene · 10/05/2020 16:07

I hope she does go to the police. Your husband is scum.

Lostvoiced · 10/05/2020 16:09

@Wanderlust21
You're absolutely right. I wasn't suggesting she go talk to the girl to confront her, but to ask what happened in a neutral way. But rethinking it I realise that really wouldn't be possible. There's a lot of hurt all around and her husband needs to be responsible for what he's done, whatever that looks like.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 10/05/2020 16:11

Your focus should be on you and getting better. Ask him to leave as he could be carrying covid. Change the locks because it's possible he sexually assaulted a teenager. I'm sorry for you but this is life changing. He will most likely lose his job and he could get a criminal record. Don't look for answers. He is not a kind, caring husband and that isn't your fault. You need to get him away from you

overweightcat · 10/05/2020 16:14

And are you certain he didn't get her drunk with intention to sleep with her?

Please don't focus on her she is probably single and has no obligation to anyone but herself and if she wasn't taken advantage of and did it of her own free will then she just has herself to answer to.

Your DP however is the one who your focus should be on - are you allowing him to pull wool over your eyes and distract you from the fact he cheated on you with someone young enough to be his daughter by making her out to be crazy?

Cantpickausername5 · 10/05/2020 16:15

Why do you want to talk to her!! What do you possible hope she'll say, oh I lied your I husband didn't rape me, we were just shagging.. There is nothing to say. Your husband is a vile. I'm so sorry. The shock must be terrible for you but you need to stay away from that girl

Wishforsnow · 10/05/2020 16:15

No idea why you would want to speak to her parents unless it is to advice their daughter to go to the police. You should kick you H out. He only told you because he thinks you will find out when he's arrested.

Wanderlust21 · 10/05/2020 16:16

Just a thought- did the girl say to OP not to contact her? Or did husband say to op that the girl said not to contact her?

I mean I wouldn't contact her either way but I wonder if the husband just said that because he is shitting it that op would get all the details if she asked.

Anyway, you dont really need any more info right now. He is a cheat, he cheated while you were ill, he only told you because he knew you would find out anyway, he slept with a drunk 18 year old. It's all sick. And all ltb territory. The rest you will find out in time I'm sure. But for now, getting the heck away from him is what you should focus on.

searchaway · 10/05/2020 16:17

She’s 18!! Oh my god. This is horrific. Your husband is disgusting. Have you got kids? If she accuses him of rape you could end up with social at your door. You’d best get rid of him to a different property asap so you can at least show you’re doing right by your kids. Then once he’s gone figure out the rest. God, have you asked him and her if he used protection? She might end up pregnant. Get rid of this arsehole

pointythings · 10/05/2020 16:20

You don't need to talk to her. You need to sling him the hell out and then let matters take their course. He cheated, end of story. What he's done is either awful or criminal - but none of it is any of your business. Focus on looking after yourself.

Inthepurplerain · 10/05/2020 16:21

Why would you believe the cheat in this scenario op?

Inthepurplerain · 10/05/2020 16:22

If my husband said this to me I’d be ringing the police and reporting it myself tbh.

ProperVexed · 10/05/2020 16:23

Well he's either a cheater or a rapist....either way I wouldn't want him. Get rid now.

cosmicbabe · 10/05/2020 16:23

@Inthepurplerain This. What a weirdo.

HollowTalk · 10/05/2020 16:23

That's horrific. Please don't assume the girl is lying. I don't blame her for saying she'll go to the police - it's what you would tell your own daughter if she was ever in that situation.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 16:24

You want to hear what she has to say?!

It's awful your husband has done this, how dare you try to pressure a young woman who claims she has been taken advantage of into talking to you?

You are not the priority here. She is.

I cannot fathom someone making that accusation about my partner and me then contacting her threatening to tell her parents (?!) and bullying her into talking to me.

What is wrong with you?!

You've just come out of hospital and I'm sorry for that, I'm also sorry your husband is an arsehole but the way you have gone about this is awful when it comes to the young woman in question.

He only told you because he thinks you will find out when he's arrested.

This. He's told you before someone else will because he's done something awful so he wants to control the narrative.

You've kicked him out I assume?

PicsInRed · 10/05/2020 16:31

She's barely out of childhood and he's a dirty old man. From his own mouth, you know she's accusing him of rape.

He admits the sex, he admits she is 18, he admits she was drunk. For me, that would be it. How is there any way back from your 35 year old husband having sex with a drunk teenager?

More particularly a teenager who asserts that it was rape. Hmm He needs to leave.

emilybrontescorsett · 10/05/2020 16:34

Bloody hell op.
He is either a rapist or at best an adulterer.
He has only told you because the shot is going to hit the fan.
He may lose his job and be arrested by the police.
Kick him out. He has zero respect for you.
Do not try and contact this poor young woman. The best thing you can do is stop protecting him, get rid and start to protect yourself.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/05/2020 16:35

You don’t know she hasn’t gone to the police. They will have to hear her side before arresting him if she’s reporting a rape.

Realistically how many 18yo girls want a man who is nearly middle aged & old enough to be her dad?.

Boudicabooandbulldogs · 10/05/2020 16:37

I think perhaps you should think about what you would do if your 18 year old daughter came home and said an older work colleague, possibly in a position of authority over her. Had got drunk with her and then had sex.
Would you think that was appropriate. Would you think it was appropriate for the wife of that man to phone your 18 year old daughter to question her about what happened.
I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. However like PP’s have said the best case scenario is that your husband chose to get drunk and cheat on you with an older teenager, whose judgement was probably impacted by alcohol. He’s only chosen to tell you because she mentioned the police. He is giving you his side of the story first. Take care of yourself and don’t get involved with this girl.

fuckinghellthisshit · 10/05/2020 16:41

Your husband is 35, she is 18 and was drunk. You aren't seriously blaming her are you OP?

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 10/05/2020 16:49

Fucking yikes. There’s nothing more to know. Fuck him. Chuck him out.

tara66 · 10/05/2020 16:53

The OP said ''that's why I was in hospital..'' i.e. the virus? The implication may be not only the girl getting drunk etc. but that she has been exposed to virus by intimate contact with someone living with wife who was in hospital at the time for 3 days with virus. This may be main reason for girl going to police.

BackseatCookers · 10/05/2020 16:57

I think perhaps you should think about what you would do if your 18 year old daughter came home and said an older work colleague, possibly in a position of authority over her. Had got drunk with her and then had sex. Would you think that was appropriate. Would you think it was appropriate for the wife of that man to phone your 18 year old daughter to question her about what happened.

Well put. OP - what do you say to this? That poor girl.

Redred2429 · 10/05/2020 16:59

Op do not contact her she is not in the position to be confronted by you she will be feeling so scared at the minute and if you contact her no matter what your intentions it will come across as a confrontation also do not contact her parents she has the right to decide whether to tell them what has happened this is not for you to tell them she has been raped ! As others are saying the person you should be angry with is your partner not the girl at best he's a cheater ( and this is probably not the first time) at worst he is a rapist