Does anyone else thing most posters here disproportionately tell women to leave their partners as a default answer?

[Kemputer]

Does anyone else thing most posters here disproportionately tell women who post a thread here to leave their partners as a default answer?

Yes for some that is the obvious response e.g if a woman was being hit by her partner or cheated on etc. But for others, I’m surprised no one takes the couples therapy type approach suggestions of seeing two sides (I know there is bias as it’s only written from 1 side) and working through issues As it’s almost resigning some men as unchangeable and defective for a relationship I guess?

Please no hate - just an observation

I speak as someone who used to be a feminist, but I actually agree. In the case of examples that someone gave near the start of the thread, telling someone to "shut up" or swearing, doesn't automatically make someone an abuser; we've all, at some point, done this, and we've all, at some point, irrespective of gender, probably deserved it.

I do also see a double standard, as when it's the other way round, and it's a man talking about a wife who's said unpleasant things, there just aren't the same sort of comments, saying how he should leave her.

It's good that domestic abuse is taken seriously, but let's not water down to the point at which all of us would effectively fit into the category.

Also, 12345bkm, I love the way that you quote only PART of notnowplzz's example, thus removing the context: you quote her example of a man calling his partner 'a cunt', but leave out the context she put forward, of the partner having yelled in his face about what a useless piece of shit he was, for fifteen minutes.

She was clearly not saying that calling a woman 'a cunt' was generally acceptable; just that things needed to be looked at in context.

No I don’t.

I have learnt via Mumsnet how many woman put up with so much shit just to stay in a relationship. I wish we could find a way of teaching self worth in schools and make people aware that you do not have to be in a relationship to have a really happy and fulfilling life.

I think woman put up with far too much and live their lives trying to appease crap partners.

I wish we could find a way of teaching self worth in schools and make people aware that you do not have to be in a relationship to have a really happy and fulfilling life.

Spot on.
Self worth comes from self acceptance, and a lot of abusive individuals have no self worth. If a mother writes off a father, and DC love their father, there is so little consideration of the management of the self worth of the DC being defacto 50% rejected by the mother. There are 3+ relationships being impacted when a mother leaves...

@doodleygirl - what is a man's role in the modern role?
Most men have no idea and we have no sense of purpose. The rise of feminism by definition had to destroy the identity of men, and it was necessary, but society has yet to pick up the pieces.

What rot.

A man's role is to be a partner and a parent, to do his share at home, with the dc and at work, and not to be a toxic malignant bully. It's not difficult to understand.

Yes I do! I hope all those women dont take the first advice they read. Sometimes things can be worked out and life gets better. Not a one answer fits all.

Did someone say they used to be a feminist? Hopefully a typo.

No I don't. I'm more shocked by how far things have gone before the poster is questioning if it's ok.
A lot of readers pick up on the contempt and lack of respect that the poster is being shown and no relationship stands a chance when that kicks in.
Obviously we all know we're only reading one side but does that matter? If the OP feels that way, then that is the reality of the relationship to them and they have to make their decisions accordingly

notchickenagsin: yes, I did. Do I not have your permission?

You're obviously not a woman then, my mistake

Lol! It's exactly attitudes like that, that put me off: 'ad-hominem' arguments, and nothing else. 'You disagree with me, therefore, you can't even be a woman'. Spare me the crap, please.

Oh dear... hope you don't have daughters

@Trufflegirl and I love the way you completely misunderstood what I said but what can I expect,from a 'former' feminist. That patriarchy isn't going to prop up itself now.

How, exactly, did I misunderstand what you said? The other poster gave an example of a man calling a woman 'a c**t', but in the context of the woman having called the man 'a worthless shit' for fifteen minutes prior. You just quoted the first part, and completely ignored the context, and hence the point of her post. She wasn't defending a man calling a woman that horrible word, per se; she was pointing out that there can be contexts that are ignored.

If anyone wasn't understanding, it was you.

Notchickenagain: go away, with your 'style over content' shaming language.

@Trufflegirl Whatevs. Have fun ruffling feathers.

The most pathetic thing, is that you don't realise when every successive post you do just illustrates my point. "Whatevs"? Yeah, what a well-written response.

Come on, 12345bkm: back up what you say, by explaining to me HOW I misunderstood your post. Or are you not actually able to?

About 8 years ago, I posted on this board asking for advice for how I could get my husband to help more, at the time we had 3 children under 5, both worked full time,I did all the housework and childcare, and every weekend he’d sit up drinking to all hours and would end up coming waking me shouting at me about something from years ago.

I was wanting advice about how to make him stop and was pretty shocked that across the board everyone said LTB. I left the thread as I wasn’t going to split up my family based on a couple of random women on the internet.

But a seed was sown, and I started to realise what an asshole he was, and he would never change. So eventually I left, probably about 3 years after that initial thread.
Without the advice on this board, and reading about other posters who had left their partners, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do it myself.

I'm a bit long in the tooth for this, you sound about 15. I'll happily get out the popcorn though. I'm busy doing grown up things today.

I developed the confidence to eventually get out of an abusive relationship, mainly emotional but also financial and sometimes physical, after years of reading other people's stories and advice. I wish MN was around when my son, now 17, was a baby. I may have had the courage to leave then instead of putting up with his crap for another 15 years. The longer it goes on the harder leaving gets.

12345bkm, I'd have thought you would have more sense, than to reply to posts pointing out how you're only able to argue 'ad-hominem' style, with a post that argues.....ad-hominem style.

Priceless....

And, in conclusion: you're clearly NOT able to back up your point.

And you wonder why not every woman is a feminist?