Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

His behaviour is vile but leaving an 8 and 6 yr old alone wasn’t the best idea was it? especially if there’s a chance of bumping into him.
Possibly interview and give advice; maybe a parenting course.

To be honest i don’t think leaving them for your run was very responsible and you will need to answer to social services about that rather odd choice you made. And accept the consequences.
It sounds like your ex is a twat but that doesn’t excuse your lack of responsibility either.

Really? For 20 mins? Does nobody else ever leave their children in the house? The nspcc guidelines say that babies and toddlers should never be left alone and then that under 12s shouldn't be left for long periods. I assessed the risk and thought it was ok.

Leaving an 8 and 6 year old alone is totally irresponsible.

I’m always the one saying don’t be ridiculous when MN are wringing their hands about leaving a 11/12 yr old but 8 &6 is far too young.
Do they know what to do if you don’t come back?
In an emergency?

No. Not at those ages. Would you be alright with him doing the same?

That was a big mistake OP. I'd have done the same if I was in your ex's shoes.

Lesson learned op. Buy a cheap treadmill...

Yep can't be buggering off leaving an 8 year old and a 6 year old. What were you thinking?!
You've handed your arsehole ex a plate of ammunition. It shouldn't be enough to get you in much trouble so long as you aren't neglecting kids in any other way. Are you?

I think your ex was probably right raising his concerns, especially as you don't seem to realise why it's an issue. He even had the curtesy to CC you into the email to give you the heads up

I think 6 is way to young to be left with an 8 year old and I'm a pretty chilled out parent by MN standards anyway.

There is no way I’d leave my children alone that young

I doubt social services will get too excited about this tbh. Just tell them you understand the risks now and won't do it again. This wouldn't meet a threshold for action in most areas, just a bit of advice giving.

Sorry op I wouldn't have left them either, and I do think you've given your ex ammunition against you.
Try not to stress, if they are perfectly well looked after in all other senses then it hopefully shouldn't get you in to too much trouble, lesson learned.

If you left my kids at that age I'd be furious. That's not on OP. Sorry this isn't what you want to hear. What if you got run over, what if they wandered out to look for you? Is the 8 year old meant to be responsible for the 6 year old?

My kids are 5 & 10, nearly 11, I would leave the 10 year old for 20 minutes but I wouldn't expect him to be responsible for his 5 year old too.

You can’t leave an eight and a six year old alone in the house. I’d have done exactly the same as your ex!

I think I'm quite laid back but I think 8 is too young to be left alone, especially left to be responsible for a 6 year old. Imagine if something happened OP.

Can you not try circuits in the garden or a workout video?

Op I would not be too worried about ss.
I reported my exh twice.
One for socialising our dc with a convicted paedophile and regularly leaving dc on a Saturday night home alone.
Under 10 all of them.
He never even got a phone call..

They could scoot with you. They could sit in driveway whilst you run up and down road whilst always in view..

I doubt social services will get too excited about this tbh. Just tell them you understand the risks now and won't do it again.

It doesn't sound as though the OP does understand though.

@Iwalkinmyclothing thanks that's reassuring - do you have experience of this?

I don't see how it is any different to kids playing out at the park on their own and mine do that too. Our park is full of kids without parents. My kids have a basic phone to call me on and a gps watch.

Whatever his motive in reporting you; you were completely in the wrong and will rightfully have questions to answer.

I would expect that social services will tell you that it’s not acceptable to leave children of that age alone. What happens after that depends on if you plan to continue doing it; if you agree you won’t do it again and there’s no other issues then that will most likely be the end of it.
On the subject of your ex though well done for what you’re doing, I can’t imagine it’s easy but it’s definitely the best thing for you and your children to have boundaries in place; he will be outraged as any abuser always is when they’re challenged but it’s your right to do it.

Your 8 and 6 year old go to the park alone?
Bloody hell.

@Peanutbuttermouth I hope you can see it’s not really considered okay. Running is quite a risky thing to do so if something happened to you- your children would be at a high risk. And 8 is far too young to manage looking after a sibling or knowing what to do in an emergency. Lesson learnt I hope.