Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

So social services had no concerns about a 6 and 8 year old left alone whilst you go running? Or did they get the impression your ex lied as part of his continued abuse?

I'm really glad (but not surprised) to hear that @Peanutbuttermouth :)

Not quite sure why your ex's abuse needed to be a part of that conversation, unless you brought it up to garner sympathy or were trying to deny or downplay what you've admitted here actually happened, but anyway, good news and let's hope this whole thing has given you a bit of food for thought.

What was the social worker "incredibly reassuring" about, op? Did she reassure you that leaving the children was fine?

@pog100 yep I couldn't agree more. I really hate these pile ons. In any other scenario people would be wanting to support the OP and applaud her for standing up to her abusive ex. But instead they've bypassed that in favour of all the irresponsible parenting judgements.

Just guessing that it may be possible to stand up to your abusive ex, and supervise the children.

Just guessing it's possible to comment on a forum without always desperately wanting to appear superior to someone else.

I was in the child’s position. My sibling and I were left alone a lot as children in the early 80’s. It was horrible, home didn’t feel like home when they were out. I’m still pissed out about it decades later tbh, that my parents didn’t put our safety and well being ahead of arranging childcare or staying home.

Ok let me put it another way then Oscar

Stop distracting from the failure to care for the children with the totally separate issue of the abusive ex. Both are important.

Nobody answered my question earlier and I realise this could be TAAT but oh well.

What is the difference between leaving a child the same age alone in a car to go grab something from a supermarket (which 150 MN users said was absolutely fine) and leaving two kids alone in a house for the same length of time which the majority of people here seem to think is abhorrent? I really don't get it.

And you can't blame being a single parent for your lack of care. They rely on YOU to look after them, not themselves.
I've been a single parent myself in the past and can safely say they were as well cared for as a 2 parent family and I was never neglectful.

YABVU. Single parent doesn’t give you onus to be neglectful.

@OscartheGrouch, several people answered your question. Try going back and reading the thread.

@Peanutbuttermouth
I read a great thing on mumsnet once. Which was ‘if it was reported in the paper, how would it look?’

Everytime I think if it’s ok to leave mine or do something I stop, think, and picture the headline.

It’s useful!!

I was in the child’s position. My sibling and I were left alone a lot as children in the early 80’s. It was horrible, home didn’t feel like home when they were out. I’m still pissed out about it decades later tbh, that my parents didn’t put our safety and well being ahead of arranging childcare or staying home.

Same here, from a very young age. I still deeply resent being put in charge of a 6 year old when I was only 7 or 8 myself. Yes I was very a mature and grown up for my age and took on responsibility that no child of that age should have to. Not because my mother was a single parent but because she was often a self centred and distracted one who justfied doing what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it. As a result I've been an anxious and hypervigilant adult.

Maybe the people who are accusing others of piling on or exaggerating the risk don't understand how that actually felt and the feelings it still gives me now, many years later.

People are snowflakes. If you know your kids are good and they could contact you I’m sure it was OK. I leave my 8 year old. From about 6 I used to leave him to drive to the shop two minutes away (5/7 mins out the house) now I usually put him in the phone to his Dad if I leave him for longer (30 mins)
I try to look at it as in how quickly could I get home. A 30 minute run doesn’t mean 30 mins away from home.

Lastly, pretty certain social services will do little more than a quick telling off / welfare check... providing you seem normal in all other ways.

I really feel very shocked that you don't understand the risk s involved in leaving your very young children alone
They are far too young to not have adult supervision
Don't you worry about them when you go out alone?

@Peanutbuttermouth I'm glad to hear sanity prevails in the real world.

@Peanutbuttermouth I'm glad to hear sanity prevails in the real world.

So one poster's report of an unverified conversation with a single person is 'the real world', but the many posters on this thread are all fictional.

I would have been happy leaving the 8 year old (depending on maturity, their feelings etc) but not the 6 year old.

I think if you do get a call I would perhaps minimise the amount of time involved and explain that it is not something you would ever normally do, but you recognised the need to briefly do something to look after your own MH as a result of having DC single-handedly over lockdown.

providing you seem normal in all other ways 😄. What an incredibly odd post. Really quite mental.

For anyone genuinely interested in the response from ss, an sw called me today. We had a chat, I explained the background and context and my decision making process. She was incredibly reassuring and kind.

Goodness that was quick. Average is three weeks for first contact for non urgent referrals round here.

@JudyCoolibar two people responded and essentially just said 'it wasn't the same'. And because it involved my ex going to get something from the shop it was ok because it was necessary. Motives aside, the result is the same - a child being left unsupervised. Just baffled at the vast difference in opinions between the two threads. As I said it almost seems like people just want to pile on when there's an OP to be disagreed with.

FWIW I wouldn't do this. Still not pleasant to see the way people are reacting to op though. No wonder MN gets such a bad rep.