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Original poster

Ex has reported me to social services

544 replies

Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 14:23

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 20/04/2020 15:31

Ah OP. I must say I'm a pretty laid back Mum - sole parent as it happens - and I wouldn't have left my two at that age and certainly would never have let them go to the park on their own. A few years older and yes I would nip to the shop at the end of the road but not at 8 and 6.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 15:32

@goorno not that I need to put your mind at rest but one has had a birthday since they were 7 Hmm

OP posts:
goorno · 20/04/2020 15:32

But you have said UNDER 7?

StormTreader · 20/04/2020 15:33

The difference is that if they have an accident at the park, there are kids and other people to see/hear and call for help.
If one hits their head or sticks a fork into a plug socket or something catches on fire, it'll be 20 minutes before anyone even knows.

SciFiWoman · 20/04/2020 15:33

Wow!
I just can’t get past the fact that you seem more narked that your Ex told SS than you do about leaving your young children!!
Do you lock them in??
If you didn’t, suppose they wandered off??
By the action of ‘going for a run’ you are moving away from the house, surely? At least if they were at the park, you would (I assume) be at home so they could come and get you?
Give your head a wobble, FFS, Op -you must take responsibility for your YOUNG children.... our needs come way done the list once we become parents.

Failing that.... imagine you bumping into your Ex ‘out for a run’ when he was in sole charge of your children...
still think it’s ok?? 🤷‍♀️

BriseisPam · 20/04/2020 15:33

Children under 12 shouldn't be left alone for long - They weren't left alone for long and also has a basic phone, know how to call emergency services as OP mentioned before called an ambulance for her. I think it's probably nice for your older to know that mum trusts her capability and in that sense be even more sensible to not lose that trust.

OP actually did nothing illegal to my knowledge so what's the threat with SS?

If you're now worried because of people say you should be, leave your DC phone on call to you whilst you're out running - like a baby monitor.

Mintjulia · 20/04/2020 15:33

Op, you can run without leaving them.

When my ds was little, I ran up and down the road outside the house, stayed in sight of the front gate, had opened a window so I could hear the smoke alarm, and nipped in every fourth pass to check on them.
I finally left ds on his own, with a phone, at 9.5 after ds had said he was happy.

Moondust001 · 20/04/2020 15:35

One of my nearby (nightmare) neighbours appears to have gone to the same parenting school as the OP. Her eldest (about 14 now) also goes to the park on his own. Always has done since about 6 years old. That's where he now deals drugs!

Hanamuslim · 20/04/2020 15:35

Wow, I cant believe some people would say they would allow their 8 year old to be left alone while they go out for 2o mins. I would not even do that

Nomorepies · 20/04/2020 15:35

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Bessica1970 · 20/04/2020 15:35

Peanutbuttermouth - that’s good to hear - but please stop doing it even if they don’t get in touch.

Close your eyes and picture your kids and think about how much you love them (you obviously do to be worried) now imagine something awful happening while you are out (realistic stuff like choking) and think how you would feel... do you ever want to face that, however unlikely you think it would be?

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2020 15:38

The six year old is classified as effectively alone, because an eight year old is not deemed an appropriate guardian to care for a six year old.

I know it’s only a few posters suggesting it but there is no justification for leaving small children like this.it wasn’t an emergency, she was just out for a run. There is other ways to exercise safely and care for your kids.

PaddyF0dder · 20/04/2020 15:38

It kind of sounds like social work SHOULD be involved here.

Leaving aside whether the ex is a good person or a bad person or whatever, it’s concerning that the OP

  • leaves two very young kids unsupervised like this for a completely superficial reason
  • and then justifies it/argues the point, thereby displaying an inability to accept fault

It’s actually the second part that’s more worrying. The fault, OP, is not external. It’s not your ex that is the problem here. It’s you. Social work involvement is often about ability to change. Are you?

MorganKitten · 20/04/2020 15:39

If I child I work with told me that I’d have to report it.

Wakaranaihito · 20/04/2020 15:39

Ignore everyone damning you for leaving an 8 and 6 year old in front of the telly for 20 mins. You know your kids and what type of children they are. I'm sure you have safety measures in place. Kids in Japan go to school by themselves from age 5. Going for a run is probably really good for your mental and physical health and makes you a better parent.

He is just weaponising anything he can. If he was any kind of father he would offer to sit on the doorstep with the door slightly ajar and listen out for them while you went for a run.

Keep on keeping on.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 15:40

I understand that @bessica1970 but children have choked to death in nursery.

OP posts:
Amotherof6 · 20/04/2020 15:40

6 and 8 year old alone whilst you go for a run for 20 mins!

Wow - fire/choking hazard/stranger knocks at door/fall etc etc etc

A responsible adult or mature older child needs to look after them.

Your husbands sounds vile BUT leaving them alone is not right or safe either.

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 20/04/2020 15:41

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run

He did the right thing.

Amotherof6 · 20/04/2020 15:42

Neglectful?
Unsafe?

Social services should be involved to ensure the children are kept safe.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 15:42

The six year old is classified as effectively alone, because an eight year old is not deemed an appropriate guardian to care for a six year old this is a good way of putting it that I can understand. Thank you @bluntness100

OP posts:
Original poster
Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 15:44

He is just weaponising anything he can. If he was any kind of father he would offer to sit on the doorstep with the door slightly ajar and listen out for them while you went for a run I've asked him to have them while I run and he refused @wakaranaihito

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 20/04/2020 15:44

Ignore everyone damning you for leaving an 8 and 6 year old in front of the telly for 20 mins. You know your kids and what type of children they are.

What about the park visits?

It's not the kids' responsibility to stay safe, it's their parents responsibility to try to keep them safe to the best extent possible.

OP says they know all the neighbours etc. That doesn't help much if a stranger appears and takes them does it? A tiny chance that could happen, sure, but not a chance worth taking.

Kids go into moods and do silly things. What if one stomped off after an argument with the other, to somewhere unsafe? Or someone offered to take them home and that ended badly?

It's common sense not to leave children that young alone at home let alone playing out alone.

OP your replies couldn't sound less understanding of the fact that you were very much in the wrong on this one.

Nobody is doubting your ex is a dick but you fucked up and have done so before by leaving them alone frequently and alone in the park with only other kids around.

Everyone fucks up, that's life, we are only human. But you were wrong on this one and need to own that.

You should want to learn from this to keep your children safe, not just because you don't want to get in trouble with SS. Your tone on here would not endear you to them.

Tootletum · 20/04/2020 15:45

Wouldn't do it myself but don't think it's actually against the law.

Serendipity79 · 20/04/2020 15:46

I am a single parent, and for me they're too young to be left. An 8 year old cant possibly be responsible for a 6 year old - there are a number of things that could accidentally happen to them or you. I do understand others have different views, which they're entitled to have but this is mine. Its my job to keep my kids alive and safe.

Similarly I wouldn't send mine to the park at those ages because it takes just a minute or two for someone to snatch one of them, and how long before the other one notices? Again, multiple scenarios where that doesn't work out well.

If SS get in touch please take this seriously. Assure them you now understand the risk and wont do it again. Then don't. Being a single parent isn't an excuse to neglect their care. Lockdown is really hard - but there are lots of us in the same boat. I can barely have a wee in peace never mind a 20 min run.

Wolfiefan · 20/04/2020 15:46

You asked him to have the kids whilst you went for a run? Do you knew it was a bad idea to leave them alone then?