Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has reported me to social services

544 replies

Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 14:23

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
YgritteSnow · 20/04/2020 15:04

Really? For 20 mins? Does nobody else ever leave their children in the house?

Not at that age no. Maybe he's done the right thing to contact SS if you were so sure this was ok.

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 20/04/2020 15:05

I don't see how it is any different to kids playing out at the park on their own and mine do that too.

My eyesbrows are up in my hairline now. Christ. How far away is the park?

Windyatthebeach · 20/04/2020 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 20/04/2020 15:06

Six years old. Six!!!

ChrissieKeller61 · 20/04/2020 15:06

As previous posters have suggested, grovel a bit if you want, say it won't happen again but you don't have anything to worry about

Moomin8 · 20/04/2020 15:06

April Jones went to the park on her own - she was 5 and I remember most people saying that was normal. It was normal for the neighbourhood she lived in.

It’s pathetic how most people have seen this thread as a chance to be nasty to the OP. Have a word with yourselves Hmm

Iambloodystarving · 20/04/2020 15:07

Easy on everybody. OP has kids 100% of the time with no support. No need to be quite so harsh.
Mine go to the park alone. The youngest is 7 years old. it is across the street, and according to the police there has never been any incidence of any threat to children in this play area.
I am sure the op will rethink things now in terms of jogging but surely we can afford a little compassion given the circumstances?

YgritteSnow · 20/04/2020 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BendyLikeBeckham · 20/04/2020 15:08

oh dear, this isn't going to go well on here.

Ichayetheneu · 20/04/2020 15:09

Do you have a neighbour or anyone who can confirm they watched your kids for the 20 mins? Or can you confirm that you'd been exercising in the hse ( hence the gear) and were just popping out to your car or something near by?That you had to do the freedom programme and your ex is malacious?
I can't imagine SS have the time to waste on this.
Lesson learned, that is a bit young to leave them while going for a run but none of us are perfect.

Wolfiefan · 20/04/2020 15:09

Having no support is no excuse to let a 6 year old out without an adult.
Holly and Jessica were older than 6.
Just because nothing has ever happened at the park doesn’t mean nothing would.

copycopypaste · 20/04/2020 15:10

You're getting a hard time in here and unfortunately you've handed your ex a big stick to hit you with.

However SS will just speak to you and look at what's in the best interests of the dc. As long as in all other aspects of life you care for and look after your dc well, I suspect they'll recommend you don't leave them alone and as long as you're good with that, that'll be the end of it. Maybe a few follow up visits, but this give you the opportunity to ask for help from them if you need it.

Becles · 20/04/2020 15:10

No problem with them going to the park alone or being alone in the house for 20 minutes.

Bear in mind that loads on this forum think an 11 year old is a bit young to nip to the shops or cross the road alone.

Batmanandbobbin · 20/04/2020 15:11

I wouldn’t let my 12 year old look after my 5 (very nearly 6 year old) I also wouldn’t be letting my nearly 6 year old to the park on his own and it’s behind my house!

Hanamuslim · 20/04/2020 15:12

I only leave my kids alone to nip the rubbish out to the bin,literally outside the front doorm I would never go out forn20 mins for a run. Goodness knows what could happen and one of my children is the same age as yours. Please dont leave them again. But our ex husband didn't have to call the SS. That was just him being horrible. Social services will really RIP into u for doing that. My friend had them involved and were going berserk cos she tapped her kids hand. Literally tapped and acted like she had beaten them to pulps.

Notapheasantplucker · 20/04/2020 15:13

OP you seem oblivious

goorno · 20/04/2020 15:13

@Ichayetheneu

Are you from real? Lie to SS or get someone else to lie for her?

Jeezo

Devlesko · 20/04/2020 15:14

he sounds a wanker, but I'd have done the same, totally irresponsible and the fact you are surprised at the comments means ss should be involved.
We'd all like to leave our kids sometimes, you just don't.
Maybe this is his way of getting more access to his kids.

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2020 15:15

Op, I’d not take the line with ss you’re taking on here, that you don’t understand why it’s not ok and also send them to the park on their own.

Moonlite · 20/04/2020 15:15

I have boys who are 8 and 6 and I couldn't leave them alone for that long for fear one of them would open the front door/fall/knock something over or hurt themselves - how would they contact me?

However your ex sounds like a piece of work. Maybe invest in a exercise bike for the time being and use it in the garden if you have one.

Candyfloss99 · 20/04/2020 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ritascornershop · 20/04/2020 15:17

Of course it’s not okay to leave them for 20 minutes for the reasons listed above; choking, fire, you getting hurt and not returning, etc.

It’s also not okay to let them go to the park Shock I don’t know how anyone can think that’s okay. Yes, the chance of getting snatched is slim, but I always thought “how would I forgive myself if it happened just because I was bored by watching them at the park?”.

I was a single parent to two kids from ages 5 & 9, zero support from family, sole custody.

Ichayetheneu · 20/04/2020 15:17

Don't sweat it OP. SS have got real issues to deal with, you need to explain to them the situ with the abusive ex if it comes to it but I doubt they'll even bother you.

Quarantimespringclean · 20/04/2020 15:18

If you are really letting a 6 yo and 8 yo play in the park on their own AND leaving them home alone to go for a 20 minute run then I think your ex was right to report you. I’d stop both things right away and be grateful that nothing happened to your D.C. while you were not taking proper care of them.

Just as a side note, I am averaging about 6 miles a day just running on the spot in the house in front of the tv so you can still get some exercise without leaving the kids. Its not ideal but it’s better than nothing. I did consider running outdoors but I have weak ankles and am scared of twisting one when I’m a long hobble from home. Have you considered what would happen to your D.C. if you were detained by an accident whilst running outside?

Original poster
Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 15:18

@Iwalkinmyclothing are you a social worker? What would you do if a referral like this came through to you?

I'm being totally genuine here. It's not a reverse. I'm quite surprised at the level of shocked responses. I suppose I've been desensitised by a) the families in my area who do the same and b) the very extreme controlled childhood I had which I am trying to do the opposite of - allow my children a little freedom, with steps taken to keep them safe (phone and gps watch). They're good kids, they've never got into trouble and they have lots of friends here of all ages. We know all our neighbours well. They could knock either side if they needed to. Other adults know them. Our local pcso knows them. Our community workers know them. Our shop staff know them. Etc

OP posts: