Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

@Inkpaperstars oh come on now. It's pretty well accepted that there is a real world and then a MN world where pearl clutching, anxiety, and helicopter parenting are all widely accepted. Where teens don't get phones and control crying is abhorrent and everyones DH earns £100k. Where no one ever fiddles the benefit system and everyone logs pointless shit with 101 and talking to your neighbour over a fence is the lockdown crime of the century.

There is most definitely a real world and a mumsnet world.

@Thisismytimetoshine

How snide are you?

As it happens a follow up phone call a day or so after an initial report is the norm here. Just to weed out the malicious calls.

But carry on being vile, as it gives you such pleasure.

So @Peanutbuttermouth You have had a reply from SS within 24 hours of the complaint and they are fine about your behaviour?

How did she even get the message from your ex if she is working at home?

I see your point Sophism, but we aren't comparing the wider population with MN here. We are comparing MN with one poster's account of a (possible) phone call with a single person. Anyway either way I know what I think the sane response here is. OP and a few others obviously have a different opinion.

@JinglingHellsBells OP said that the SW reassured her. That reassurance could simply be that they said they wouldn't take it any further. Not necessarily that it's okay for her to continue doing it.

And yes, it's perfectly normal (as it should be) for SS to respond so quickly to that sort of report. It takes a long time if you're looking for some other kind of help from them though.

"OP! How dare you not have been tarred and feathered and had your children removed from you so we could smugly pat ourselves on the back and agree about how right we are and how terrible you are! How dare social services not take a punitive and vindictive response to this issue but instead be supportive and look at the whole situation! Who cares what's best for your family, OP, we wanted you to feel shit!"

Social services do try to contact parents the next day, and they do try to provide support and reassurance, and they are very used to dealing with manipulative abusers who like to try and misuse social services to extend their control over their victims (because if OP's husband was genuinely concerned about the children, there are a number of things he could have done to provide care and support- but instead he just made a report to social services. What does that suggest?) and they want to build positive working relationships with vulnerable families, not tick them off and terrify them and ensure they hide from services.

Your going to have to hold your hands up and take what's coming I'm afraid. Abusive ex or not is irrelevant, you just can't leave your kids unsupervised. This will be a hard lesson to learn however it pans out.

Nothing serious will happen to OP, maybe a warning and some advice. However, I don’t agree with her actions, but maybe that’s just me

Op ,do so,etching else instead. Skip in the garden, or if you don't have a garden try a HIIT workout, there are plenty on line. I have children that I can not leave at home due to special needs, so I've stopped running for the moment.

@Raidblunner

Maybe you should read the thread then you won't look so daft.

Fucking hell. 4 and 6 year olds out without parents? Is it the 1940s?

Some seriously shit/negligent parents around. Fuck me.

Carouselfish Tue 21-Apr-20 19:18:38
Fucking hell. 4 and 6 year olds out without parents? Is it the 1940s?
.......
I've never seen that.

The op has had enough of us having a go, she won't make the same mistake.

I honestly don't understand why she cannot take the children out on their bikes when she goes running for twenty minutes.

I'll probably get flamed for this but I find people's reactions very strange.

As a child I'd walk to school (15min walk) on my own, and be left alone in the house much longer than 20min. The whole "anything could happen !!" hysteria is frankly weird. OP was running for 20min, she wasn't 20min away from the house. All her kids had to do to see her was step outside. Not sure why everybody is assuming that a 6 and 8 year old can't manage for a few minutes on their own. Actually this is basically the same as OP taking a shower or a nap.

The shower thing mentioned upthread is baffling too. What's the mom supposed to do, stink ? And then presumably be told off for being unhygienic ?

*Actually this is basically the same as OP taking a shower or a nap.

The shower thing mentioned upthread is baffling too. What's the mom supposed to do, stink ? And then presumably be told off for being unhygienic* ?

Well no I wouldn't take a nap with my 8 and 6 year old awake. And you can have showers when the kids are all in bed asleep! I'm a single parent to 4 under 11 and I manage to wash in the evenings. I have 2 kids older than 8 and 6 and I wouldn't even consider leaving them in the house for 5 mins let alone 20!! But I do appreciate everyone's opinion is different. Also does depend on the child in question more than age I think.

It depends where you live as well. If you live in a block of flats where everyone knows your comings and goings and can see you leave at the same time every day, or you live in a detached house which is not overlooked. It’s still wrong imo either way as there is still a risk of something happening to the mother while out running and the kids being left on their own to cope.
My ex used to do this and I was furious. My daughter was 4.
It’s neglect and in inappropriate whatever way you try and justify it.
Seemingly the OP has taken the advice of the social worker and is managing things differently now which is a good think for the Children.
God knows what they had to witness if their mother was a victim of DV and the deserve extra attention not less I’d imagine to get through it.

OP was running for 20min, she wasn't 20min away from the house. All her kids had to do to see her was step outside.

Unless OP lives in the country or on a very long straight road, she is likely to be out of sight within a couple of minutes. And I do rather doubt that it actually is only 20 minutes.

It sounds like he's using it as an excuse and reporting seems pretty nasty.
Yes there's a risk but chances are if they are watching a film nothings going to happen.
Hope you sort it out OP

Deffinatly very irresponsible to leave a 6 and 8 year old alone in the house let alone the park !