The man I’m seeing said “ I have fuckboys”

[katiie3]

So I’m seeing a man and we were talking.

I’m thinking about changing my car, which I do every year. I’m in a position to Upgrade my car every year and I also look forward to this.

He made a “joke” and said, I must be restless because I’m constantly changing cars, shoes and my fuckboys.

I was taken aback. He said it was just a joke but it has upset me. Would you find it offensive?

I think he must have a certain opinion of me to joke about that.

I have had a few long term serious relationships but since then, nothing. I have been dating and finding myself and enjoying meeting people.

It doenst mean I have fuckboy relationship just because nothing has been long term yet, or because I enjoy sex.

Am I overreacting? Please help.

I think he was fishing to hear from you that you are not interested in 'just sex', and wanted to see you being indignant, because he's insecure and is secretly worried he's just a sex thing to you.

and I mean, it's bad behaviour from him.
Similat with the coat - he wouldnt spend so much maybe because he couldn't afford it, so he's trying to bring it down a notch. So tedious! He's not a keeper, for sure.

He’s jealous of you being able to buy nice cars. It’s as simple as that. Dump!

As as young Londoner “fuckboy” doesn’t literally mean a boy you fuck. It’s just another word for dickhead basically. The word certainly doesn’t make sense in context, I haven’t come across “fuckboy” meaning a casual sexual partner before.

So it’s possible he was just using it as a insulting blanket term to reference your exes instead of specifically slut shaming, but I suppose it has the same effect in the end; the number of exes you have are playing on his mind.

Weird thing to say and I wouldn’t be surprised if you want to break things off

As as young Londoner “fuckboy” doesn’t literally mean a boy you fuck. It’s just another word for dickhead basically. The word certainly doesn’t make sense in context, I haven’t come across “fuckboy” meaning a casual sexual partner before.

The guy the OP is seeing is 46. He is older than me and it isn't a term I would ever have replaced the word dickhead with.

He’s definitely negging. It sounds like you have a fun and enviable lifestyle and he wants to knock you down a peg or two.

From your title I honestly thought I was going to being advising you that this man is definitely gay though

He sounds pretty insecure.

Maybe he's in a position where he couldn't afford to get a new car each year and it's making him feel inferior.

Still a very weird comment to make. Definitely sounds like the sort of thing you read in magazines where it starts out like this and then they turn in to a mega psycho and try and control everything, but could just be a one off stupid comment. Maybe let it go this time and see if he makes any further negative comments about you and then get rid if he does!!

Well he wants to put you in your place and it's working obviously. 1. You didn't buy your car yet. 2. You are on here questioning yourself.

He’s jealous of you being able to buy nice cars. It’s as simple as that. Dump!

I thought this and he is very insecure as you must be successful to afford nice things. You certainly don't need the likes of him to put you down. Find a real man.

I'm late to this party, but "the hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>>>!"

I agree with PP that this can't be the only "off" thing to have come out of his mouth. And there is no best case scenario, it was either:

1. Negging - a veiled, nasty little dig designed to belittle you and portray you as fickle, superficial and/or materialistic, or
2. Judmental and jealous - as you say, if you're not married and pregnant by whenever society dictates, there can be negative feedback and a bit of whispering. Also, you are financially independent, well paid and have nice things, it sounds a bit like bringing you down a peg because he's jealous.

Finally, (I am semantic in my way of thinking so God help my partner) to me it says that despite your experience of the previous relationships (nice men, dating exlusively in a sexual relationship) he has dirtied it. He's described it as fucking with random strangers for gratification. Absolutely fine if that's what you did/wanted, but that's not how you described it or experienced it,and it's not his place to rewrite your history to make himself feel superior.

Anyway, anyone can end any relationship at any time for whatever reason they wish. If he has knocked your enthusiasm and ruined your day, and he doesn't sincerely apologise and have some solid gold good points, pull away in your brand new, shiny car.

PS. I bet that if you say "I've changed my mind about seeing you, your comment made me very uncomfortable and really hurt my feelings.", he'll turn it into you taking things too seriously and not having a sense of humour. He's 46, FFS, he should know better. If he does do this, block, delete and run!

He’s a misogynistic dick.

That particular example isn't negging. But he might be a neg in other ways.

He doesn't need to be a proven neg for you to kick him to the curb, anyway.
He's offended you. You don't like it. You can dump him.

Get rid of him, he's not respectful. X

Yes, I agree with the comments. Ultimately what he said does not match up with my values.

You should have looked him up and down and said " yeah....not just the car that needs upgrading"

fuckboy indeed...he is fishing for something !

@theschoolonthehill absolutely no idea what your point is, I am 22 and people (my age) have used it in the way I describe it for at least 5 years now.

What kind if idiot comes out with a comment like that? 😣

Of not if!

@browzingss yes, I know what you mean. It can be used as “slang” term as in describing a man as not boyfriend material or someone who is not relationship material.

He could have been having a dig at my lifestyle.

Update: I just went back and re-read the message. He said “ the way you change your fuckboys, EVERY FEW MONTHS”

Ha! I met 3 men over the course of 4 years! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

"Even though I don’t think he meant any malice or even that he is a malicious person. He is a kind man."

Uh . . . no he isn't OP. He isn't kind at all. He is an angry passive-aggressive man.

He wrote that down?

I thought he had said it in an off the cuff way.

Wow. Ditch him.

browzingss My point is that it has a different meaning for people in their 40s. The OP’s ‘friend’ is 46. I’m in my mid 40s . A fuck boy is not a word I’ve heard many times and i and many people would take it to meani to easy no strings fuck buddy/or a gay prostitute. We would not substitute it for the word dickhead.

I’m also even more shocked he wrote it down. I assumed he said it off the cuff too. He sounds very disrespectful and on a different level to you OP (and most people tbh).

@beetrootrocks it was a message. We are not seeing each other in person due to the current crisis