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Original poster

The man I’m seeing said “ I have fuckboys”

214 replies

katiie3 · 15/04/2020 16:55

So I’m seeing a man and we were talking.

I’m thinking about changing my car, which I do every year. I’m in a position to Upgrade my car every year and I also look forward to this.

He made a “joke” and said, I must be restless because I’m constantly changing cars, shoes and my fuckboys.

I was taken aback. He said it was just a joke but it has upset me. Would you find it offensive?

I think he must have a certain opinion of me to joke about that.

I have had a few long term serious relationships but since then, nothing. I have been dating and finding myself and enjoying meeting people.

It doenst mean I have fuckboy relationship just because nothing has been long term yet, or because I enjoy sex.

Am I overreacting? Please help.

OP posts:
Wauden · 15/04/2020 19:44

Also, was he person sleeping around in the past?

Wauden · 15/04/2020 19:45

*was he the actual person who was

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 19:45

@silverbirches that is exactly what he was trying to say! I don’t even time to wash my hair, cook dinner and do my laundry let alone jump from one mans bed to another!

And not would I even want to!

OP posts:
Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 19:47

@Wauden. No, I don’t think he has done anything like sleeping around in the past. He told me that he only likes seeing one woman at a time.

But these day, what do you really know about anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 19:48

@Wauden. No, he isn’t a gold digger. He never has taken any money or any gifts. He will pay one time when we go out and then I will pay the next time. We take it in turns.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 15/04/2020 19:54

Please.. ditch this horrible man...

Pat123dev · 15/04/2020 19:55

Wether it’s a joke or not, the fact you find that offensive and uncomfortable would suggest your not a match!

Does he think he’s just a ‘fuckboy’ personally I’d be telling him to fuck off. I think he’s probably intimidated by you and is a bit judgey. I’d be showing him the door!

forrestgreen · 15/04/2020 19:58

He's jealous and said it to put you down. Not a nice quality.
I wouldn't be with someone who wasn't proud of me or didn't build me up.

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 20:04

I don’t think he thinks he is a fuckboy or that I think he is a fuckboy/buddy. I think he was judging my past dating relationships.

I don’t fit the norm for my age. I haven’t settled down into a marriage or kids.

I chose to focus on my career and I didn’t invest my time into a relationship with anyone. I loved going on a dates and had lovely times but it didn’t go anywhere because I couldn’t invest the time.

I think he thought that means I just wanted sex and went from man to man. Which is not true, a lot of men were non sexual dates.

He knows all this but probably thinks I was sleeping with them.

OP posts:
JavaQ · 15/04/2020 20:05

omg, what a horrible term.

Get rid of him. He doesn't respect you.

Notredamn · 15/04/2020 20:11

It just doesn't make sense. If you flit from one fuckboy to the next, then he's talking shit about himself as that makes him a fuckboy and that's the red flag.
Fuckboys mess good women around and lead them up the garden path. That says nothing about your character.
Conclusion: he doesn't know what he's talking about (and is deeply cringey to use that word at his age), or is more or less giving you a massive warning. I would heed the warning, personally.

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 20:17

@Notredamn he may be implying that my choice of men have been “fuckboys” and that’s why I haven’t been able to settle with anyone.

Even if that was the case, and I had poor choices in men, I don’t think he has the right to joke about it

And he knows of all the men I dated before him. They were lovely, kind, uplifting, and cultured men.

Far from fuckboys. I think he was having a dig at the fact that I have not settled down yet and it due to my “poor choices in men”

OP posts:
Notredamn · 15/04/2020 20:20

I get that. But the biggest dig is at himself, as he's the one you're seeing. It's very odd and for the third time, I also think you should dump.

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 20:22

@Notredamn yes, you speak sense.

OP posts:
Shadowdoor21 · 15/04/2020 20:43

Pft, what's with all this settling down nonsense anyway? It isn't the 60's anymore where women are expected to marry n have kids. I think you might be a bit too worried about this being expected of you. 1 in 5 women never have kids and half of all marriages end in divorce. Just incase you were worrying over perceived pressure, there totally isnt any, just be you!

You dont have to justify it by saying you picked career instead. And I hope you continue not to settle for twats, no matter what! You sound like you have your screwed head on right :)

Shadowdoor21 · 15/04/2020 20:44

Or perhaps * there totally isnt any (pressure) from ppl who aren't prats, would be more accurate.

billy1966 · 15/04/2020 20:53

@silverbirches

I think that is exactly what he was trying to say.
He obviously thinks it.

He took his chance to say it to the OP's face.

He's rough, vulgar and sly.

He also thinks the OP is a bit dim, that he could insult her, to her face, and get away with it by making it out to be a joke if challenged....

I hope you'll move on from him OP....not much a prize of a man to feel the need to get his kicks out of having a cut off you.

I would take huge pleasure in telling him that he was "just not good enough for me"..

Ick!

noyoucannotcomein · 15/04/2020 21:24

I thought you ended it with this guy last month??

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 21:32

No, clearly I should have. Arggggh. It’s okay, I’m happy and confident now.

OP posts:
noyoucannotcomein · 15/04/2020 21:34

How did he win you round last time?

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 21:37

His nan died 3 days later so we kind of just fell back into supporting the family together and it stopped being an issue as he admitted wrong doings. And he genuinely seemed honest.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 15/04/2020 21:39

And to be honest, I don’t find it an attractive comment for any man to say a girl he is exclusively seeing

No, it's not and it does show he has a false opinion of you and of the relationship's future. He's not just saying you had fuckboys in the past- it's implying he thinks he might be a fuckboy you'll want to change- that he thinks this isn't a potentially serious relationship.

He also sounds crude and insensitive.

When're you going to dump him for good?

noyoucannotcomein · 15/04/2020 21:41

He admitted he was back on the dating apps?? For the second time since you'd started dating him? And that stopped being an issue for you?

deepwatersolo · 15/04/2020 21:46

OMG, OP from the heading of your post I thought the man you are seeing said that he has fuckboys.

In this light reading the post felt somewhat anticlimactic.

Grin
Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 21:46

I mean it stopped being an issue whilst his nan thing had happened.

And then he said he reacted to something I had said and used the apps as he thought I was going to dump him.

I know. I hold my hands up, I have been silly. Sucked in. Stupid. I’m embarrassed but sometimes the words and advice of strangers help.

I know what I should have done and should be doing. Thank you guys!

OP posts: