The man I’m seeing said “ I have fuckboys”

[katiie3]

So I’m seeing a man and we were talking.

I’m thinking about changing my car, which I do every year. I’m in a position to Upgrade my car every year and I also look forward to this.

He made a “joke” and said, I must be restless because I’m constantly changing cars, shoes and my fuckboys.

I was taken aback. He said it was just a joke but it has upset me. Would you find it offensive?

I think he must have a certain opinion of me to joke about that.

I have had a few long term serious relationships but since then, nothing. I have been dating and finding myself and enjoying meeting people.

It doenst mean I have fuckboy relationship just because nothing has been long term yet, or because I enjoy sex.

Am I overreacting? Please help.

It's a very...silly phrase to use. I'd ditch because there's something bothering him, clearly, and he isn't mature enough to deal. What car are you getting?

Op get your car sorted, please don’t let him ruin your enjoyment of it, due to whatever he has going on, envy, bitterness, whatever.

Get your car. And even if you don’t intend to bin him, bear in mind he doesn’t wish you well. He’s not on your team. You need to keep that in mind if you continue.

I think it's an offensive comment and demeaning to you. He's putting you down. I also agree with a PP he's testing the waters to see how far he can push you. If you laugh it off, he'll know he can get away with it and worst.

Anyway, what a tosser to say that!

I'm surprised anyone mistook his comment for a joke; its a manipulative technique based on negging; you are supposed to feel worried that he thinks you are fickle, and promise endless fidelity to him.

@BobbinThreadbare123 Porsche 911 😂

It must bother you op, or you’d not have posted it here. Get rid. He has no respect for you.

Oh, this is a form of negging.

He gently suggests that you're fickle and not able for a long term relationship.

And then you have to ''prove'' him wrong by staying with him (no matter what)

He knows you can do a lot better.

I agree, I have friends who will go shopping and buy a pair of black leggings and their man will say it’s lovely and make them feel happy 😂😂😂😂

No need for jealously. It’s an ugly trait.

@ShleeAnKree yes, he was implying that I’m fickle and I can’t stay with “one thing” and then tried to imply it with men in a jokey way.

why do so many men (and women, but more likely men) seem to think they can say ANYTHING offensive but saying 'it was a joke' makes it OK? I would dump him and cite the reason as 'we have very different senses of humour'.

He obviously don't expect this relationship will be long term. No point of carrying on if you don't even fancy him.

And it is horrible for women. Women are expected to marry or have babies by a certain age. If you don’t, you are immediately judged.

I'd be upset too.
You have every right to be offended.
If someone is ok with this then they need to raise the bar.
He's insecure, he's probably one of those guys who can't stand the idea you've had past relationships and you'll end up having to justify past relationships or never mentioning it to him.
He's basically made you feel like shit because of his hang ups.

Grim. Absolutely grim.

Yes, and although I feel awful typing this, bear with me, to bystanders, I could probably do ''better'' (always subjective) than my BF, and I think he is conscious of this and sometimes feels insecure but he communicates very directly, never passively and he tries to be a great boyfriend! Supportive, funny, generous, he listens to me when I'm upset, he gives good advice. So just because you COULD do better doesn't give him a licence to make pissy little digs.

After a year together he has no excuse. He should know your humour by now. What a strange little man.

Deffo get the car and ditch the man!

Not withstanding that I agree it is a vile, horrible, dumpable thing to say, was it possibly a misplaced way of finding out how serious you are about him? Whether you consider him a fuck buddy or a longer term thing?

Ditch the bloke and choose an even nicer upgrade on the car! 💪🏽

He's trying to emotionally manipulate you and undermine your confidence. Tell him to cop on and, once lockdown is over, find yourself a decent man who won't get a thrill out of making you doubt yourself.

@Desmondo2016 we have had conversations and he knows that I don’t believe in having fuck buddy and casual relationship. They don’t work for me as I wouldnt feel comfortable investing my time and effort into a man who I didn’t see a future with.

I don’t have children yet with anyone or moved in with anyone so maybe he thinks I have been “knocking around” with “fuckboys”

No he doesnt, he's negging you.

I think he has clearly judge me. Women are very easily judged if she hasn’t settled down with a mortgage and kids.

Maybe he thinks lesser of me because I haven’t done that with a man.

That is not nice from a guy who is 46, no charm,no sophistication, not very mature. He may clean up his vocabulary a bit if you stay with him though.

Never heard of “negging”. I will look into it now.