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Original poster

The man I’m seeing said “ I have fuckboys”

214 replies

katiie3 · 15/04/2020 16:55

So I’m seeing a man and we were talking.

I’m thinking about changing my car, which I do every year. I’m in a position to Upgrade my car every year and I also look forward to this.

He made a “joke” and said, I must be restless because I’m constantly changing cars, shoes and my fuckboys.

I was taken aback. He said it was just a joke but it has upset me. Would you find it offensive?

I think he must have a certain opinion of me to joke about that.

I have had a few long term serious relationships but since then, nothing. I have been dating and finding myself and enjoying meeting people.

It doenst mean I have fuckboy relationship just because nothing has been long term yet, or because I enjoy sex.

Am I overreacting? Please help.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 15/04/2020 17:30

It smacks of jealousy to me. So here you are rightly excited about getting a new car and he feels the need, likely due to insecurity, to put you down in a derogatory manner. Deflating your excitement and giving him the upper hand.

Bit by bit these "jokes" knock your self esteem.

Instead of focusing on the topic being discussed he took a low swipe. Then by saying that it was a joke he makes you feel like the unreasonable one.

Absolutely typical abuser conduct. The reality doesn't match his explanation and you feel slightly maddened.

nevernotstruggling · 15/04/2020 17:31

What @Shadowdoor21 said.

Also op it's worked - you are feeling you have to justify your adult dating life to a bunch of strangers on mn. Which you don't need to at all x

momtoolliex · 15/04/2020 17:31

I'd personally take it as a joke, and maybe even a jokey way of finding out whether you're seeing any other men too if you're not in a relationship/exclusive yet (which is completely fine to be still seeing other people obviously). It just depends on your kind of humour I guess, it does seem about immature from him though I must admit

Raffathebear · 15/04/2020 17:32

You're conservative?!

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:33

@chickenyhead yes!

I was so excited about my car. And I was showing him pictures of the different cars I liked. And asking his opinion as I honestly valued his input.

And that is the reply I got. It went from cars to me changing fuckboys.

We do joke around but never to the point where it sounds like a dig or offensive.

OP posts:
Thripp · 15/04/2020 17:34

Very weird. I've never heard of fuckboys, so I'm even more conservative than you, OP.

Sicario · 15/04/2020 17:34

Is this that thing called 'negging'? Sort of negative compliment thing which is actually horrible and emotionally manipulative?

Whatever. But that kind of language (changing fuckboys) is utterly repugnant.

How old is he? (I'm thinking he must be some kind of totally inexperienced child trying out new language.)

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:35

@Raffathebear yes, I don’t have open sexual relationship or multiple partners at the same time.

I date one man, at one time. And they know it.

Even though there is nothing wrong with fwb or open relationships. I just don’t do it.

OP posts:
BadBear · 15/04/2020 17:35

You know what? Even if you are nymphomaniac as someone says above, good for you! You're an adult woman who can do whatever she pleases with her money and her sex life. If you were a man he'd probably call you player and give you a fist pump.

I am with everyone else, run for the hills... Actually no, don't run. Get in your brand new car, put on your favourite song, roll your window down and shout 'so long motherfucker' to him as you disappear into the sunset!

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:36

@Sicario he is 46 years old!

OP posts:
dandymottahs · 15/04/2020 17:37

How old is he op. Fuckboy is a very normal word to people under 30.

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:37

@BadBear ha ha, I love your reply! I’ve been sat here, feeling like crap about myself and you really cheered me up! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:37

@dandymottahs he is 46 years old.

OP posts:
Davespecifico · 15/04/2020 17:40

Katiie3. This can’t be the only ‘off’ thing he’s said. Are there other things he’s said and done that you felt uncomfortable with?

That was a vile joke and a really vulgar way of expressing himself. Also a bit odd and unexpected in the context. It would make me go right off him.

dandymottahs · 15/04/2020 17:40

Ok then that is a bit strange. A fuck boy is usually a knob of a guy who acts for naked pics ect

BadBear · 15/04/2020 17:40

You're welcome @katiie3 Grin seriously though, his reaction reeks of insecurity even if he meant it as a joke. A 46 year old man should know better and you deserve better.

Sicario · 15/04/2020 17:43

Bloody hell. I'm afraid that might be the ultimate "ick" moment. He sounds like a bit of a prat.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 15/04/2020 17:43

Has he got a crappy old car and is jealous? Do you have too many shoes? But so what if you do, what the fuck has that got to do with him.

Does he think you see him as a fuckboy? Is he worried you are going to move on to someone else? Is he unsuccessful with dating and has issues about women not wanting anything serious with him?

To my knowledge the word identifies someone you're dating/fucking and the relationship has no long term potential. I've only heard gay men, young women and teenagers use the term in real life.

I think it's more about what's going on with him than anything negative about you.

Queenoftheashes · 15/04/2020 17:43

Yeah he doesn’t understand what a fuckboy is for a start. Tell him to stop trying to be down with the kids and go trim his ear hair.

formerbabe · 15/04/2020 17:44

He's either an arsehole

Or

He was fishing for you to say that you're in for the long haul with him

Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:45

I think he means fuckboys as none of my dating relationships have worked out or developed into anything long term.

He could mean that my taste in men, have been “fuckboys”.

All the guys I have met, have been nice. Really decent men who have even gotten married since and had babies 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
katiie3 · 15/04/2020 17:47

@Queenoftheashes 😂😂😂😂 he is due a nose hair trim.

I think I’d rather date a “fuckboy” than him now 😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/04/2020 17:48

Cmon op . You know what this is. He was jealous you were changing your car, so had a dig at you.

And why are you justifying yourself on here or even worse to him. It’s no ones business who you have sex with and he’s no right to talk to you like that.

It was disrespectful but he was having a go because he was jealous

msmith501 · 15/04/2020 17:48

A small issue with social boundaries and what constituted odd humour but was his intention to cause offence or what it all just a bit misplaced ? I'm not suggesting it's a good comment but judging by the number of people of tons of threads who yell "red flags" and "it's a no from me" etc... there must be a shed load of really perfect relationships out there where no one ever sets a foot wrong. For me, the way he apologised and showed he understood why you were upset would speak far louder.

nevernotstruggling · 15/04/2020 17:49

It's negging