Am I being impatient? Marriage and kids?

[1991Amber]

Hi All,
I've got to the point where I don't know what to do...

I've been with my OH for 9 years this month, he knows that I want to get married and have kids and so does he. Yet here I am 9 years and counting with no ring on my finger.

The way his brain works is get ourselves set up before we take the next step in our venture. I.e house and decorated. But we have had a house for 4 years now and we are very close to finishing the decorating, we now trying to pay the mortgage off.

I have had the conversation with him about 6 months ago about how serious I am about marriage and kids to make sure he's on the same page. He says his is...so what are we waiting for?

Am I being impatient? What should I do?

Cheers!

Amber he won’t propose before Christmas as he will probably use the fact that the country will be in financial crisis.

Take it from some one who knows. If they wanted to get married they would have asked before now. Some people just don’t want to get married yet they like to keep the woman hanging on. If you do manage to force a proposal out of him, he will probably not be interested in the wedding and it will take all the shine of it for you. Then you will look back and realise you only got married because you forced him in to it. It’s a double edged sword.

Just be very mindful of your fertility. I have a 40 year old friend who ‘waited’ till her dh was ready. He was never ready. She now is in the position whether to leave and be on her own as she resents that she has wasted her chance on some one that tricked her or restarting her life on her own.

My brother has also promised marriage and babies for 15 years to his lovely lovely partner and there is always something to do first - better job, pay more off the house ect..

He either shits or gets off the pot.

That's what i think. Be mindful of your fertility. All those years he is taking from you. And how he is controlling you with his power of an unresolved promise. He's making you needy and he is becoming the king. Honestly, get rid of him.

Op. How are you feeling today?

@MikeUniformMike I disagree that if he isn’t ready after 9 years together and 4 years into a joint mortgage then he never will be, he is still young remember and these days people are having kids later in life. Marriage is a different type of commitment to kids, if I were to ever marry then for me it would have to be my ‘forever person’ and forever is a huge commitment and so maybe he just isn’t sure yet, but OP does have at least 10 years left before fertility window starts getting darker.

@nowaitaminute I agree with what you say and there are a few on here that think it’s the crime of the century because a man isn’t ready to get married, or he should be kicked to the kerb because he isn’t ready to make such a huge commitment, he obviously loves her otherwise he wouldn’t have went in on a mortgage which is a huge commitment as well, at least she would be protected there if they were ever to split up.

OP please don’t push him into marriage and get married when you both want too, not because you’ve pushed him into it as it will only cause resentment.