Husband sexual group chat

[love1234]

My husband was being a bit funny with his phone, so I asked to see what he was hiding. After a lot of saying I needed to calm down etc he showed me - lads chat is full of pictures of random naked women from the internet and they're all rating them who is hottest, including my husband.

I'm absolutely raging with him and he can't see why. AIBU?

P.s. we are not one of those couples who doesn't allow porn etc. but I feel like this is too far.

Also for people saying it's intrusive to look through people's phones - yes it is. I didn't do it behind his back. I never look at his phone - I have no interest in finding something to argue about for the sake of it.

HOWEVER. If someone starts being jumpy or weird about their phone, then it's just good sense to question it. I did so, he let me see. I wouldn't say that's overstepping any privacy boundaries.

What is rating women's bodies if not disgusting and offensive

That's horrible. Do you have a daughter? Send him a pic of your daughter (clothed obviously) and ask him to fast forward 20 years and imagine his friends son rating her.

I also agree that it's completely jumping the gun to think this is some sort of gateway to illegal behaviour. We are not talking about anything other than pictures of naked glamour models here, and comments like "wow shes my favourite".

Love1234 - no it’s sounds like pathetic behaviour - but not offensive. It’s nice that he has made you dinner! I wouldn’t want my DP to see the conversations I’ve had about Fassbender’s cock either.

No, I don't have a daughter but don't really see how that's relevant. Surely gender doesn't matter, as it's bad behavior whatever your sex or sexual orientation. For me it's just disrespectful to your partner.

AvonBarksdale99
I think the point others are making is that women (again as a class) wouldn't do it and their comments about men were men as a class rather than every man on earth. It can get tiring when discussing social attitudes and behaviours to have to specify "men as a class" or qualify with "of course not all men..." because someone inevitably chooses to ignore the overall discussion in favour of making the argument "not all men do X therefore your discussion of this topic is void" (usually followed with 'but what about mean women').

A couple of women discussing a celebrity's body or commenting that one of them was sent a dick pic isn't comparable to a group of men creating and sustaining a group chat to discuss photos of naked women they've looked for online.

If a group of women were to spend their time trawling the internet for nude photos of men to share in a WhatsApp group and judge then people would find it pathetic too, but it still wouldn't have the same systemic weight behind it that the male version does because socialisation teaches men that this sort of conduct is normal and funny so anyone who objects needs to lighten up.

Well it IS offensive, my DP would be offended. But that’s not my intention. It’s just silly peer chat.

Brilliant answer love1234 x

'Thereby saying a woman’s reason for looking a dick pics is more acceptable.'

I was gobsmacked to learn that most dick pics are flaccid

No there is not a large number of groups of women sharing dick pics in groups, finding them on the net, sharing and scoring.

I don't know, obv. But there's a sex that tends to say women do this women do that when actually they have no idea.

I suspect there are more gay men engaging in this behaviour about men, than women about men. Women are not socialised to objectify men in the same way. The idea that women are not as 'visual' as men and this is why men 'need' pics of women everywhere is bollocks. But the difference in level of entitlement, and seeing the opposite sex as an object first and a person second or not at all, is real.

The rating part of it is a bit extreme...but I know my husband and his mates “group chat” can involve some unsavoury “banter”. I wouldn’t like him rating models etc though. Just tell him you think they sound like a bunch of teenagers, give him a pity laugh and ignore it!

I have peers and we don't tend to rate and critique others' bodies and celebrities' genitals (I can recall conversations like this from when I was a very immature teenager), which you seem intent on steering the conversation towards for some reason... To me that kind of chat from either males or females is just childish and offensive and it would definitely make me think less of someone, whether that's right or wrong.

Cosmopolitan “seventy six percent of women are totally into dick pics”

It's childish and I wouldn't be doing it but I would be more upset that my husband thought he couldn't share something so mirror, without me getting offended and giving him a hard time, and therefore choosing to hide it and bring all weird with his phone.

I agree it’s childish - but I think the gender bias on here is REALLY offensive!

Cosmopolitan “seventy six percent of women are totally into dick pics”
Unsolicited dick pics?
Dick pics from online dating before the first date?
As part of engaging in purely online sexual chat?
As part of a friends with benefits where it's purely sexual?
Within a relationship?
As a regular part of a relationship?
Or a way to spice things up now and then?

That statistics tells us nothing in relation to people spending their time searching for nude photos to discuss with their mates.

It certainly doesn't say 70% of women love dick pics so spend their time searching for them online in order to share them with their friends as part of an ongoing discussion about the attractiveness of men's cocks.

I love looking at men’s cocks online...

Yes, yes, we know...

Also, if cosmopolitan says it, it must be true, right?

but I think the gender bias on here is REALLY offensive!
Oh gosh. A largely female site happens to be a place where women can comment on shitty male behaviour.

It's a good job there's a few posters who like to tell the mean women to be nicer to the men. What would we do without it?

(And for what it's worth, I do comment where there's some double standards going on, be it men/women, NRP dad/mum, mum/stepmum. I also think there's a worrying number of posters who are very quick to say 'but think of the men... Women are mean ...')

Don’t think I’ve said at all that woman are mean - and men are nice. That would be gender bias in itself!!

No! Cosmo a is bit trashy!! It just made me smile...

Start a similar chat of your own between your girlfriends. Would he care?

Why would the OP want to start a conversation like that with her friends, when she clearly finds the behaviour sleazy?

I work with all men. They all send eachother WhatsApps of women and other men jokes. They all have daughters and I think it's wrong.. I remind them of this and they just laugh at me.. and no, they don't show their wives either

'Cosmopolitan “seventy six percent of women are totally into dick pics”'

Yeah cocks aren't pretty and most dick pics are apparently flaccid.

Most pics of hot naked sexualised men are aimed at gay men from what I have seen.