Husband sexual group chat

[love1234]

My husband was being a bit funny with his phone, so I asked to see what he was hiding. After a lot of saying I needed to calm down etc he showed me - lads chat is full of pictures of random naked women from the internet and they're all rating them who is hottest, including my husband.

I'm absolutely raging with him and he can't see why. AIBU?

P.s. we are not one of those couples who doesn't allow porn etc. but I feel like this is too far.

7 posters saying it’s not unreasonable [smile][smile]@iamfleshiambone. So not one or two.

What's with all the posters with names followed by numbers as their username, on this thread, banging on about how women do it too? Sock puppets or MRAs hmmm

I’m not sad?? I’m happy - I’ve just had a flick through my ‘hot men’ photo file....

Gross, your husband is a loser.

allyjay I was thinking the same thing, a lot of people on this thread extremely over invested in defending the creepy behaviour of men. Just because women can be creeps too doesn't make it okay, it's still just as vile.

I don't do it as a woman. I can't be arsed, it's really sad, and men who do it are sad too

allyjay I find myself wondering that on quite a few threads lately.

There's often a handful of posters who turn up on threads saying "but what about the mean women... Whatever situation is the main topic, what about men who are affected by women doing something slightly different... Here's an example of a woman doing something different to what's being discussed but see how it proves women are just as bad".

Yep MRAs

Ceejay, my mistake, glad you have counted the posts that agree with you in order to validate your own opinion. Still don't see anyone here saying women can do it but men can't so I don't see where you got that from.

I think it's gross

Yep MRAs
Quite, because even where there's been differences of opinion on threads like this one (eg thinking it's immature / disgusting / sexist / silly but funny), most posters have managed to disagree without engaging in 'but what about the mean women'.

I’d just think he was a complete loser and feel a bit sorry for him. I’d definitely think less of him for it, its pretty pathetic behaviour.

Wouldn't bother me

OH sent me a pic of a line of women and I had to guess who had the biggest boobs

No big deal

To the people saying ‘why do posters come on here saying women do this too?’

Maybe it’s when people, rather than saying ‘this specific man is being disgusting’ say ‘yep, MEN are awful etc’. Generalising much?

Both men and women do this sort of thing, and in both sexes some find it lighthearted and funny, some find it pretty grim and some find it disgusting and unforgivable. Personally I’m in the don’t care/think it’s a bit immature and sad category. I certainly wouldn’t do it and would think less of people who love it, men or women.

I do wonder if the women (if they are really women) who always comes to rescue men, realise that men don’t and won’t do the same for them...

Only one acceptable response. Take a picture of your husband, possibly in the shower, state it is for “rating” purposes via group chat.

Seriously, it’s massively immature

Of course, us women NEVER make comments on men’s bodies - or their dick size

My friends did, when they were 15.

AvonBarksdale99 I partially see your point, but I do also think it's important to acknowledge male pattern behaviour.

Acknowledging that certain attitudes and behaviours are more prevalent in men than women doesn't mean you're saying "all men do..."

Having a group chat where the focus is finding nudes of women online and rating them is another version of lads mags and part of a wider culture where men (as a class, not all men) are socialised to feel women are there for their viewing pleasure. It's part of a lad culture of downplaying misogyny as being 'banter', catcalling is apparently a compliment, women who challenge lad culture should "lighten up" or "get a grip".

Whilst I've no doubt men and women have commented on the attractiveness of others since the dawn of time, and will always do so, there's a substantial difference between finding someone attractive or making a comment on someone's attractiveness and the mentality that says "let's have a group chat where we can all share naked photos we've found". Men and women will do the former and you'd have to be uptight to have an issue with that, but the latter is predominantly a male outlook (as in an attitude and behaviour exhibited more by men than women, even though not all men would do it)

I agree that it IS immature and a bit pathetic Avon. But I personally wouldn’t see it as one step away from some sort of perverted, unlawful behaviour - from a male or female. If we are saying men are disgusting and sleazy to rate woman’s bodies, then the same standard needs to apply to women. Be good to hear from the OP again?

And the OP knows best if the content of the group chat was pathetic and silly - or grossly offensive.

Ceejay, the same standard DOES apply to women though, it's just that as a class women are historically oppressed so the impact is different.

YABU

@LolaSmiles you’re exactly right in what you say, because that is a very balanced, well argued and reasonable post. I would guess the reactive ‘Well women do it too!’ replies are more in response to when a few people have piled on ‘men’ in general for being disgusting etc.

Yes, we are talking pathetic and silly rather than grossly offensive. But to be honest there are other groups which have grossly offensive content in them - they don't bother me though because they are massive sports groups that he doesn't really engage with. The shit that is posted in there is vile, but I know about that and he isn't interacting with it. He is part of these groups by default of being on the sports team.

This bothered me because it's a small group of his friends. And he was actually replying. Even though the content is much more "harmless" (shots of glamour models, not unknowing women being objectified FYI) it feels worse.

He has apologised. Made dinner. Said he won't do it again if it upsets me... not sure if I believe that though.

Yes - but don’t we - as women - need to be careful if we assume a male group chat rating women’s bodies - is going to be sleazy, disgusting, offensive, and perhaps lead to unlawful behaviour - when we know nothing of the content?