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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't live together, when will we see each other

145 replies

Windywuss · 21/03/2020 09:19

I've been with my boyfriend/dp for about year and half. He lives an hour away.

Can't get my head around not knowing when I'll see him again. What are others doing? Feeling really tearful. Already haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I miss him.

OP posts:

lexiepuppy · 21/03/2020 11:23

You will have to FaceTime, Skype and sext him!

Get creative and build bonds, whilst you are apart!

litterbird · 21/03/2020 11:31

Its really hard, mine lives hour and half away and has a compromised system and I am a key worker. Its very sad and painful but we talk constantly during the day and use facetime....its not ideal but just keep talking and communicating as you have been doing. Its going to get tough but we are not alone in this.

PanBanisha · 21/03/2020 11:35

I la really struggling with this too.
Potentially won’t see my dp for a few months . I hope we can get through it and stay together

Original poster

Windywuss · 21/03/2020 13:43

If he was on same page as me about the virus it'd be easier but this week he's been out loads. Went for haircut this morning too. I think I'm trying to be rational but responsible. He still thinks it's something hardly anyone will catch and isn't serious unless you're old. He's in his fifties too!

OP posts:

Scotstar · 21/03/2020 14:02

I'm the same and te only lives a couple miles away. Its horrible

Starrynite · 21/03/2020 15:03

We are 100 miles apart. He's working around the clock at the moment and I feel so selfish because I'm emotional for missing him.

Grobagsforever · 21/03/2020 19:50

Mine has moved in for now. This seemed reasonable, no higher risk then if we were a 'normal' family.

Original poster

Windywuss · 21/03/2020 20:17

I'm glad for you @Grobagsforever. Not an option for us. Feeling like there isn't even an 'us'. Feel like he doesn't care.

Doesn't help I have awful perimenopause pmt I guess so finding it hard to keep things in proportion.

OP posts:

teabutter · 21/03/2020 20:31

My boyfriend is still coming over, but we're staying In, none of us are high risk and not in contact with anyone who is. I find most that say "tough shit just don't see them" are the ones with partners that live with them so easy for them to say. It's tough. If on lockdown then we won't have a choice to not see each other, which will be so hard. Is what it is though I guess.

Notcoolmum · 21/03/2020 22:38

I'm currently doing the same @teabutter but reading through MN has made me question if I'm being reckless? My reasoning was it's no more risky than if we lived together. We are both being careful with our contacts and hygiene.

springrollover · 22/03/2020 00:14

I said goodbye to my DP today, He's in a key worker job. We are long distance bout 300 miles but with sea in between. I'm by law now doing 14 day isolation, it's shit. I've cried a lot today

nex18 · 22/03/2020 00:56

Me to @teabutter and @Notcoolmum , our circumstances keep us living separately but what’s the difference between us going home to one house if we lived together or going home to either of our houses as we do now. Although I suppose we have the choice to pick the house with the most toilet paper!

Qwerty543 · 22/03/2020 01:00

Mine is still coming over. We both aren't having social contact with others and I'm working from home but we aren't isolating so I think it's fine for the time being.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 22/03/2020 01:12

Surely if both of you absolutely self isolated, wfh, didn't go out at all for a week then you could meet at either of your houses. Obviously if he's swanning around having his hair cut etc this can't happen.

Foreverlexicon · 22/03/2020 05:44

My partner has just moved almost 300 miles away to look after her terminally ill mum.

I’m a key worker and have contact with the public on a daily basis. (Not NHS)

I’m in bits but doing my best to hold it in as she has much worse going on. I have depression and anxiety which is massively triggered by loneliness so feeling very low. I received a lecture from a friend about how selfish I am because at least I have a stable job. I’m very grateful for that but I’m also stuck on my own and it feels like everyone around me is holing up with their loved ones. I’m driving to work fighting off panic attacks then putting a brave face on to reassure the public that we’re keeping them safe. I’m struggling hard.

thatblackbag · 22/03/2020 06:26

I have several friends with adult dc who all seem to still be seeing their boyfriend/girlfriend...I'm not sure how that's working with the whole social distancing thing!

Notcoolmum · 22/03/2020 07:41

@Foreverlexicon sorry you are feeling so low. Do you have a friend irl to share your worries with? If not keep posting here. We are all scared and feel alone.

Original poster

Windywuss · 22/03/2020 08:15

Exactly @Oblahdeeoblahdoe. He isn't being at all careful so I feel like he doesn't care. Plus I just want to cry all the time from perimenopausal anxiety at the moment so I'm struggling to talk to him. I don't want to be all emotional and annoying. Sat in bed right now with tears streaming down my face.

I had to go to bed really early last night to cope with feeling anxious and missed his call as a result.

OP posts:

Original poster

Windywuss · 22/03/2020 08:16

@Foreverlexicon you're not at all selfish. I'm sorry you're struggling too. Lots of us are for all sorts of reasons. It's all valid!

Hope you can speak to some other more supportive friends.

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 22/03/2020 08:19

Mine is still coming over. He lives alone and works from home so minimal interaction. If things ramp up further then I guess we'll stop but not yet.

DoubleAction · 22/03/2020 08:22

It's awful but no different to what forces partners face? DH (who was then DF) served in the first gulf war. We were apart 6mth and had to write letters! I didn't even recognise his voice when he surprised me with a phone call when he got home! I didn't know he was coming back because he got home before his letter did.

Original poster

Windywuss · 22/03/2020 08:38

@DoubleAction I'm sure that's true. I suppose it's just how unexpected this is. I think when you're secure in your relationship that's one thing. But I still feel unsure of his feelings sometimes , even though we've been together a while.

What are the early days like in a forces relationship?

OP posts:

DoubleAction · 22/03/2020 08:42

I'd known DH 9mth when he went to war and we got engaged just before he went. The separation was awful but I never doubted him and his letters turned up like clockwork. Sometimes they were very short because he had no time but there was always something.

If you feel insecure in your relationship after 18mth, that's not to do with this crisis

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 22/03/2020 08:45

@Windywuss I remember that tearful stage of perimenopause so well so you have my sympathy. You need a lot of self care right now so try to put your DP at the back of your mind for now. Reach out to your friends and family and if that's not feasible get online and make the most of what's out there. I'm sure there are people on here who can make suggestions. Good luck

Original poster

Windywuss · 22/03/2020 10:39

@DoubleAction I know. finding it hard just now. Feel disconnected from him. I think if we had some time together we'd be OK again. Might ask him to do video call later.

OP posts:

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