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Original poster

Don't live together, when will we see each other

145 replies

Windywuss · 21/03/2020 09:19

I've been with my boyfriend/dp for about year and half. He lives an hour away.

Can't get my head around not knowing when I'll see him again. What are others doing? Feeling really tearful. Already haven't seen him for 2 weeks. I miss him.

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/03/2020 15:46

I dont have one bit if I did I wouldn't be seeing him. Especially if we both had kids

Schools have only just shut , there's potential there for his to spread it to yours or yours to spread to his without knowing

I'm not seeing my grandchildren. None of us are at risk, I'm 41 but i also have small children as well and wouldn't want to risk any of them being infected and passing it about

Qwerty543 · 23/03/2020 15:53

My DCs are still going to their dad's as usual. None of us are symptomatic. If any of us are then we will review. Ex doesn't do anything anyway apart from going to work (hardly anyone in now) and supermarket (when it's quieter).

DP's child is older and doesn't need contact so that isn't an issue.

Chasingsquirrels · 23/03/2020 16:52

My teens aren't going to their dad's household, my decision - he disagreed, but frankly at this point I am following what I interpret the advice as and "having friends and family to your home - avoid" to me includes children travelling between houses.
If both of us were completely locked down I'd reconsider, but the kids were still in school last week and using public transport - at this point there is more risk that they'd be carriers and contact with their NRP could lead to further spread.
He came over yesterday and they went for an outside walk with him.
This isn't about risk to my family specifically, it is to limit the risk overall.
I have never in more than a decade done anything other than encourage their contact.

Lweji · 23/03/2020 16:56

I do think that even younger children should stay all the time with the resident parent, or with the other parent if they are able to stay at home and the resident parent needs to work, excluding other issues.

This is not the time to having children moving around extended families.

Use Skype. It should be for a couple of months.

Original poster
Windywuss · 23/03/2020 17:23

There's a court order. What can I do?

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 23/03/2020 17:28

I don't know what the answer is to that Windywuss, how likely is it that the courts would do anything in these circumstances. Who knows, I would hope it's unlikely.
What is the relationship with your ex like to be able to have the discussion?

Lweji · 23/03/2020 17:28

I'd try to reach an agreement, even if it meant alternating every 15 days between the two. Having said that, if the UK enters in lockdown, I'd ask for advice from the court. Or simply not allow them out the of house, based on current advice.

Original poster
Windywuss · 23/03/2020 18:03

@Chasingsquirrels nope! He is likely to go ballistic. He's an abusive bully.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 23/03/2020 18:10

☹

Patch23042 · 23/03/2020 19:58

I’m sorry to hear that Windy. Fwiw I think that this scenario would be covered in a lockdown situation because it applies to lots of families. See what the PM days later.

I’ve been seeing someone for a year and we live 30 minutes apart. It’s taken me years to find someone I love and I’m gutted. I know how you feel. Being apart is for the greater good though. We’ll all benefit and eventually normality will resume.

Petals23 · 24/03/2020 07:57

So I too don't live with my boyfriend. He came to my house last weekend. Both of us will be at home all this week, he has a lodger staying for a few weeks. I won't be seeing anyone this week. Is it allowed/ okay for us to meet this weekend in either house? No children. We live an hour apart.

Lweji · 24/03/2020 09:11

It depends on the risk you're willing to accept.
You could be infected and give it to him and vice versa.
Will you risk spending a couple of weeks hooked up to a ventilator for the sake of staying with him for a couple of days?
People without symptoms can pass it on, so you simply don't know what your individual risk is.

lilyheather1 · 24/03/2020 09:30

Petals23 are you kidding me?? Did you not listen to the announcement? Is visiting your boyfriend going out for essential items such as food or medicine? No. Is seeing your boyfriend for the whole weekend your one outdoor excursion per day? No.

You surely KNOW you mustn't be visiting each other's houses? Please don't put anyone else through unnecessary risk and stay away from each other at least until this initial lock down period is over. Don't be selfish.

HugeAckmansWife · 24/03/2020 10:52

I think if two adults live alone and are otherwise following the current rules, especially if they are wfh, then going to each other's houses is no different then two people who live together with one going out shopping occasionally. I think using the phrase 'seeing your boyfriend' trivialises what we are talking about.. There are many logistical reasons why committed, serious partners maintain separate houses and them moving between them at this point, is no more increasing the risk than kids going between parents, which Gove has said this morning is allowed.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 24/03/2020 11:13

HugeAckmansWife the current rules mean that going to each other's houses is not allowed. It is not shopping for essentials, providing care/medical need, daily exercise, or going to essential work which cannot be done from home.

I will not be seeing my boyfriend of 3 years until the restrictions are lifted. We both live alone and are wfh, but we both do need to go out to buy food every so often. If one of us picked up the virus on a trip to the shop, then visited the other, and passed on the virus, then that person went to the shop (probably a different shop) the virus can get passed on to someone in that shop and to their family. If we don't visit each other that does not happen and we have reduced the spread. People who live together don't have any choice but to be in contact, those of us who don't live together do not have to be in contact, so shouldn't. It is heartbreaking and I have been in tears a fair bit about it, but it is necessary.

Petals23 · 24/03/2020 11:27

I had already decided that I'm going to say to him we shouldn't see each other... I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable.

HugeAckmansWife · 24/03/2020 12:41

I'm not seeing my partner either as of last night, but I do think that for some people, like the pp who has serious concerns about her mental health, maintaining contact with a partner in this very limited way is a managed risk. You could even decide that only one if them goes and shops for both households.

Lweji · 24/03/2020 13:45

I think if two adults live alone and are otherwise following the current rules, especially if they are wfh, then going to each other's houses is no different then two people who live together with one going out shopping occasionally.

Yes, but people who live together have no other option.
People living apart can protect each other. If you can make sure you won't pass it on to your partner if you are infected, why wouldn't you?

Sunshineandflipflops · 24/03/2020 13:46

My bf came to my house last monday when his work told him to wfh as he can't work form his own home. he was going to go home (about 40 miles away) on friday but then last nights announcement happened so he is stuck here with me until we are told otherwise!

Had he gone home on friday (lockdown or not) then we wouldn't have seen each other again until were were told it was safe to do so. He lives in a house share so I was not willing to take the risk of him seeing 4 other people regularly who are all doing their own thing and then him seeing me and my kids.

Following government guidance, my kids are still seeing their dad but he is also wfh and not seeing anyone else at all.

MadamePewter · 24/03/2020 14:22

I’m feeling very sad as my partner of three years has chosen lockdown with his grown up dc. I’m feeling really lonely and considering what to do in the future. My life has imploded with all the restrictions (and yes, I’m following them) but it would be a great deal easier with some adult company and distraction. And a hug when it’s all too much. And someone do walk the dog alternate days so I can run. But that’s his choice.

BlokeHereInPeace · 24/03/2020 14:44

Well, it's following the guidance. Am in the same situation. It is horrible.

MadamePewter · 24/03/2020 14:46

His dc doesn’t normally live with him I should add. It feels like a big rejection. I know it’s my issue

HarrietOh · 24/03/2020 14:59

Another one also affected by this. We both live alone but can't temporarily move in with each other due to pets. Going to feel like forever!

MadamePewter · 24/03/2020 15:03

I think for me it’s shown the difference in our feelings. I’ll have plenty time to think what to do, I guess!

Jane1978xx · 24/03/2020 15:30

I’m looking at the end of the 3 weeks and think I want to be sure then I don’t have it (14 days without any outside trip or contact) if my bf does the same and they relax the rules I know I’ll be safe to see him. He can’t see his kids due to their mums health issues although he may be able to take the kids for a long period at some point . As his gf of a few months I don’t think seeing me or missing me is his main priority when he can’t see kids, family etc.

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