Once a cheater always a cheater?

[Codles]

Hi,

So I have been dating my fiance for 5-6 years. We have a 10 month old baby together. He has another child from a different woman and the child is 2 years old. We were together around the time his first child was conceived but things were a bit rocky then.

He was on drugs for years and during my pregnancy he was not really supportive and things were a bit rocky then too. When I was in labour a woman called me to tell me she has been seeing my boyfriend.

He said it was the drugs that made him do it. We got through that after my son was born officially got back together. He went to rehab for about 6 months. When he returned we picked up where we left off.

A month ago I found messages on his phone about him asking another woman if he could see her again. I was shocked he was seeing this woman. I got hold of her on Facebook and at first she didn't admit anything but later on she told me every thing. During the 6 months he was in rehab he sometimes came home for a day or 2 and returned to rehab. So the woman told me that when he was home for those few days now and then he would he her and she even fell pregnant but had an abortion.

She then saw him again when he returned from rehab. I confronted him and he denied every thing and said she was lying. She sent me proof (screenshots, pregnancy test) that proved he was seeing her and then he had seen her recently.

He admitted that he was fooling around but it meant nothing and she was nothing to him and that it was the drugs that made him do it. Could it be the drugs even when he returned from rehab?

He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. He even proposed immediately after this. I said yes. He has been spending all his time with me, stopped seeing that woman and he does every thing he can to make me feel loved and trying to make up for everything. He really doesn't want to lose me.

Do you think he will cheat again? Or can he really change?

The drugs didn't make him do anything. He cheated on you because he wanted to and he will continually do so because you let him. Save yourself and your children the heartache and bin him off. He won't have time for you or your children anyway - he has a drug habit and other women to deal with.

Look on the bright side though, at least you know he is a druggie. My exp kept a 20 year coke habit a secret that caused an unholy mess.

The drugs made him do it.

😂😂😂😂😂.

Do they make him do housework, or foot massages, or looking after his kids...
Funny how they only make him do what he wants to do, which is clearly shag as many women as will let him at the same time.

He also seriously needs to put a fkg condom on. But he wont; how many more half siblings do you want for your child, he'd have a third kid already if she hadn't had an abortion. Are you all cows on a field with one bull.

He won't change, he's a shagger, cheat and a liar and the drugs are not causing that (though they are yet another reason he's a shit partner). He also thinks you're a soft touch fool.

Sorry for the tough love but seriously ...

Ltb you and you ds are not his priority drugs are.
He chooses to see other woman and take drugs so let him have them.

Thanks for your replies.. he really has changed a lot and spends all his time with me.. he is a wonderful father to both his kids.. perhaps he realised what he could lose and its changed him?

Is it not possible at all? I know him and he's a good person.. he's just made a lot of mistakes but he's getting older now and wants a wife and chose me.. he treats me well now because he knows will lose me.. I probably sound stupid to every one.. but every situation is different.. every person is different

This woman (the one who had an abortion) I feel like she's obsessed with us because she's always posting facebook statuses aimed at us and always wants to speak negative things about him to me and I'm sick of it.. she doesn't want to accept that he has moved on with some one he loves and I hate it.. she is just so negative all the time.. he says she's lying about everything and I want to believe him because this woman is just psycho..

People do change (I have)
But if he's cheated on you once of course he will do it again

Tbh the warning signs were there when he got with you when he had someone pregnant then got you pregnant and another girl. Hes not alot responsible for his fertility, why are you accepting this situation op hes done it twice that you know of. Hes never going to change.

You would be an idiot to change, his mask will slip again when the dust settles.

Is it not possible at all?

It's extremely unlikely, sorry.

He didn't even tell you the truth about the woman he with, did he. She had yk.ckbrs t you (while you were in labour?!! What a sad, horrible, fucked up way to be bringing a baby into the world; another woman contacting you to tell you "your" partner has been seeing & havingb
sex with her and even got her pregnant). He just lied and lied to your face until she sent you proof.

That's someone with very low integrity, you can't change that.

He chose you ... Yours getting so caught up in the competition for him that you're missing the really important thing .. which is that he's not worth competing for.

That other woman had the sense not to have his baby as well, did you notice that. Do you think if she was do into him, and thought he was a good guy and a good potential father she'd have done that? She contacted you to let you know that he's a cheater and liar..Steven bothered to give you proof when he lied to you. Maybe she she's he's no prize.

I'm sorry but I think.youll be back.on here with the same shit again in a while, bug probably more kids by him. If you have any assets and you marry him, he'll take half of them too.

• She even bothered to give you proof when he lied to you. Maybe she's seen he's no prize.

To be honest, he knows you won't leave and he won't lose you whatever he does. He had a child with someone else and carried on with other women whilst your were pregnant and after having your baby together and whilst he was meant to be in rehab. It doesn't matter if he could change, he knows he doesn't need to.
You even said yes to marrying him. All he has to do is make a gesture and you're fine. He hasn't even apologised by the sounds of it just blamed drugs and everybody else.
He only came clean when presented with a hefty amount of evidence. Do you honestly want your son learning from this man? What if you have a daughter? Is this the kind of man you'd want her to choose?

Oh my goodness, he’s got you believing all his shit!

The other woman may or may not be lying, but you know for a fact he’s lied to you and cheated on you. He’s the one you’ve agreed to marry not her!

A wonderful father does not cheat on his children’s mother and put her health at risk.

You’re obviously going to stay with him, you’re already justifying his piss poor behaviour and making excuses for him.

Guys like this will settle with whoever will take their shit and let them away with it. Unfortunately at this point, that's you.

Oh and drugs don't make you cheat.
You seem to have really swallowed that; he thinks you're naive and he can manipulate you. To him you're the soft, reliable, good little woman who'd suit him as his main chick and who will keep taking his shit and swallowing his lines. I don't think.he'll stop with the dude chicks though when the dust had settled and he's bought you off with a wedding.

He's also.gonna have no fkg money to give you and your child of he keeps impregnating women like this .. he's already got two, would've been three if that girl hadn't aborted, who knows how many more will.crop.up.in time.

Drug addicts also make shit partners and family men.

*I don't think he'll stop with the side chicks though

he's just made a lot of mistakes

Part of being in a healthy recovery is accepting that decisions aren't 'mistakes'.

Not only is he a cheater, his recovery is also shit and he could well relapse. Lying, cheating, sneaking around, all deadly for recovery.

she doesn't want to accept that he has moved on with some one he loves

He doesn't love you - he cheated on you and would've had another baby with another woman around the time of you having yours of she hadn't had an abortion.

Or if that's love to him, it's not love worth having.

she is just so negative all the time.

What do you expect?

He cheated on you with her .. he probably made out he was single, or told her you.two weren't together any more, or told her some other lies about your relationship in order to get in her knickers , he had sex with her without condoms and hit her pregnant, she had to go through an abortion (who knows why and how she chose to do that, it probably wasn't easy - did she do that before or after finding out he had a pregnant girlfriend?

Then she found out you were "together" and you were having his baby.

She contacted you to let you know what he'd done and you believed his lies about it ; until she produced enough proof that you couldn't believe his lies anymore.

Now you're staying with him in spite of her giving you proof he cheated on you and lied.

What do you expect - for he'd to be happy for you two, for him? He used and abused her, he most likely lied to her in order to get with her, he lied and called her crazy when she told you what he'd done and she proved he was lying.

She's hardly going to be a fan of his - she's probably bitter, upset, angry etc and probably thinks you're insane to still with him, and now getting married to him. He probably thinks it's a joke, and who could blame her.

Of course he will cheat again. You're very forgiving and believe him when evidence suggests that you should be giving him a wide berth.

The fact that he blames the drugs and not himself is proof that he's not ready to change. And you fell for his proposal which was clearly a panic response 🤦🏻‍♀️

Just because he spends all his time with you doesn't mean he won't cheat. He's clearly lowering your guard so you trust him and he'll start the cycle again.

The fact that you check his phone is a major red flag. Normal couples don't do that as there's trust.

*She

Oh dear. Sad that women keep falling for lying tossers like this, AND procreating with them. You seem to have known about the first (well, first mentioned by you- woman, and yet you went on to have a baby with this loser. You know the answer OP.

I cannot understand how you could have said yes to his proposal .. No would have been a better answer and letting on his merry way even better!

How long is this honeymoon period going to last before you get that niggling feeling and start snooping again?

Can you honestly hand on heart 100% say you trust him?

Well... one thing is relationships overlapping and another is a serial cheater, you've got yourself the last one and also into drugs. I would run a mile.

He is only telling you what you want to hear. He is an abusive lying cheating toss rag who has sperm donated to 3 different women that you know of while you have been seeing him. He's a vile person. Get yourself and your child away from this loser. Stop thinking you've won the pick me dance. You've won a lifetime of misery if you stay with this idiot

I think you really need to work on your own self esteem and self worth, because from the sounds of it you have none. This is not going to be positive role modelling for your child.
I'm confused about the timeline though

You & he together 5-6 years
He has a 2 year old child from another relationship
You & he have a 10 month old child

How did he get another woman pregnant when he was with you? This is presumably a different woman than the one he got pregnant who had an abortion? So 2 different pregnant women whilst you've been together?

I'm actually mind blown that any part of you thought it was a good idea to marry him. He clearly only said that to keep you on side. You've fallen for his bullshit hook, line and sinker.

Please find some self respect and understand you deserve more from life than this twat.