Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Started a new thread as the old one is complete!

Just got the updates, @start - wow he sounds awful actually, and asking you for pics, what a chancer!

@echo - glad you made your exit.....

@lovemusic - maybe he has had a hard time dating ( tell him to join the thread)....he sounds genuine though from the message he has sent you, but nothing to say you have to come off the apps of course.

@mylifestartshere , his behaviour was totally unacceptable. I hope you are ok

@ThirtyAndASmidgen that's rubbish, blocking is very cruel. Hope you feel better soon

@Mylifestartstoday He sounds like an idiot, chalk it down to experience and thank God you found out early

Thanks for the new thread

Mylifestartstoday that sounds horrible. Hope you're ok.

I have a new Fab iron. Very local to me. We seem to want the same thing.
I've seen him on the other apps, Tinder/POF, but never had any interest from him.
Funny how lots are on the dating sites looking for a relationship but are also on Fab.

@Mylifestartstoday sorry it ended so sourly. Hope you are ok?

@Lovemusic33 that sounds nice.

@Lovemusic33 what he's said sounds fine, although a "can we talk" message always makes you worry doesn't it.

I’m fine. Feel a bit shit, but I’ll survive. The last few months have taught me resilience if nothing else. That and I’ve rediscovered sex!!

Hello all,
I'm a lucker on the dating threads, but am not actually dating yet - so nothing to contribute.
I've just signed up to a paid site.
I have a question is that's ok?
If someone messages you a quick hello how are you? type question, and you have seen their photos/bio and think, I'm not remotely interested in meeting up, do you bother to reply? I don't need anymore unnecessary admin/screen time!

Hi @fastliving, no I would never reply to anyone I had no interest in, no point really just to be polite.

No I never bothered to reply I could get 40 messages a day

No I'd not reply either. That's why I like tinder/bumble as I've already expressed an interest by swiping. So more likely to reply. Unless it's a 'hello beautiful' type message. They get unmatched.

Thanks. I feel very low today. I have had a pattern throughout my life of being rejected/dumped by men out of the blue, including in the middle of a nice date, on holiday, straight after sex or literally from one day to the next. It’s happened over and over again and has given me a whole load of anxiety issues that I’m trying to address through therapy but now the same thing has happened again. Part of me is glad I didn’t sleep with Mr Posh but it also makes me feel worse in a way that I didn’t even get that far.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen I know it's natural for us to think that we're the common denominator when this happens, that to me is just normal human anxiety to start wondering what we might have done wrong.
But when it comes out of the blue, and everything has seemed normal prior to it, then that imo is most definitely the other person's issue(s) that you are unaware of.
Certainly when I analysed the problems I thought my relationship had, I realised that much of it was down to my own insecurity rather than those problems being insurmountable. Fortunately I got the chance to explain that before we went our separate ways.
So it's not you, so don't let it put you off putting yourself our there. And I think you'll feel better soon for not having slept with MrPosh as that would have been harder to come to terms with I think.

Thanks @Ant330 for your kind words. I know it’s not me (especially now I’ve worked through my issues with a therapist and can say, hand on heart, that I no longer display “clingy” behaviours when dating) but unfortunately I still have to deal with the fallout, the emotional shock and the hurt when it happens again. I’ve taken breaks from dating before; maybe it’s time for another.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen dating is a tough business. And it's hard not to get excited about someone you like. But at the beginning most people are plate spinning and so, sadly, this type of thing is inevitable. Can you take anything positive from the experience? He liked you enough for 3 dates. You had some fun. You have seen the sort of person or behaviours your are looking for. He might have been a date or 2 further ahead with someone else, met someone he just clicked with etc. Lots of reasons that aren't a detriment to you.

Thanks for the new thread bang.

The guy who asked for a pic so he could ‘sort himself out in the morning’ - what a pig, he should be ashamed of himself 😡.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen sorry you've been hurt. I'm having a break from dating - come and join us on the single thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3789560-The-Happy-Singleton-All-welcome

@MrDrummer How's things today ? Hope you're keeping it together. I almost word for word agreed with @TigerDater. You haven't been treated all that well and you shouldn't open yourself up for more of the same.

@Mylifestartstoday Words are almost failing me. He's horrible. You're well rid.

Yeah @ThirtyAndASmidgen it's tough but you gave each other a chance and it wasn't to be. There will be times it goes the other way. I know I've got to the three date mark before now (not multi-dating) because I've really got on with someone but have been unsure of the depth of it. He's shitbag for blocking you though - that's dismal behaviour.

Not been able to see Miss Outing for a bit ... contact via other means has been getting a bit droopy. Just when I was thinking there was more than a bit of something there too ... I'll have to man up and see where's she at. It could just be familiarity (or is that a synonym for boredom ) ?

Thanks, everyone - I’m trying to focus on the positives, which were many. It’s been a long time since I met someone I felt this attracted to and in sync with. I personally don’t think he was multi-dating (for a start, the level of day-to-day contact we had, on top of his busy job, would have made that hard to pull off) but maybe an ex came back into the frame - who knows. I guess I have to accept that I’m not going to find out the real reason and by blocking me, he’s denied me that, but I have to move on with my life.

@Misty9 - thanks for the single thread recommendation but I certainly don’t fit the “happy” part. I’ve only ever really had one proper adult relationship and I’ve been single for years and am really fed up.

Hi all,
So I messaged Mr P back and explained how the no contact for 24 hours after our overnight date left me feeling rubbish. He apologised and has been messaging on and off since. He's asked to see me again tommorrow night but it just feels......strained now ?

There isnt as much flirting or affection in our messages, infact he's whinged about work, illness or being tired in most of them.
My texts seems to be happy or joky and his are nearly always serious. He doesnt have his kids tonight which means we would normally talk in the evening but he's just told me he has the winter blues and is having an early night...
It just feels abit early in our dating to be grumpy already or am I being unreasonable ? Happy to be told I am ??

Thanks all for the advice, I'm not inundated with messages, but can't be bothered with small talk with someone I'm not interested in. I

@ThirtyAndASmidgen many of us on there are more aiming to be happy single, rather than already there. Myself definitely included.
@Clovertoast I would hope the early weeks are fun and putting on our best selves... So yes I'd agree it's a bit off putting. But then I think OLD can also speed up the natural course of things.

Thanks for the new thread.

Getting nervous about my date now, have warned him that I can be shy and can talk a load of rubbish when nervous, he said he doesn’t get shy or nervous but won’t judge me for being either.

I seem to be getting quite a few messages this past week, mostly from people who are not my type so I just ignore them or say “no thank you”.