Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@alittlebitconfused1 what did he say?

There's a difference between bang in bold, which won't tag you and @bangheadhere40, which does. It's the @ thing that means you have to use the whole name.

@ALittleBitConfused1 was it a major thing that pissed you off? Or could you get over it. I suppose I'm a bit live and let live, because no one is perfect. I just need the person to enhance my life, and not cause any major downsides.

As long as you dont prefix with @ they don't go to anyone else 😉
Sorry should have probably said that before 😂

I need advice on how to let someone down. Had a date tonight, and he asked me on another while there and I couldn’t tell him, so I’ll need to do it gently tomorrow. He is really keen, but too full on for me. Plus we were talking about an organisation I’m using and he told me who not to use and was regaling me with stories about this person....it killed the conversation when I told him she was my best friend!
So, how to phrase a message saying I had a lovely time, he’s lovely, but not for me. I’m too blunt (I’m working on it that), plus I’ve never ever had to do this before. Help me

@mylifestartstoday....I said to dates that i had a lovely time but I'm not 100% sure it's a match so i would rather be honest and not waste their time . And wished them well etc....

Here’s a thanks but no thanks that was issued to me @Mylifestartstoday

“Thanks for the drinks and conversation last night, you were really good company but I’m sad to say I don’t see anything developing romantically between us. It was lovely to meet you and I hope you go on to find that special someone soon”

I thought that was fair enough and wished her luck.

@HairyArsedMan. Perfect, very eloquent, just what I was looking for!

@bangheadhere40 thank you. I’m just so blunt, your message is so much better than I could write!

@Ant330 @Notcoolmum I guess part of me thinks that as it was right person, wrong time then maybe timing might be better at some point in the future, so getting in touch would potentially lead to us meeting up again and hopefully things being different. But part of me knows it's almost certainly futile. However I've been back in touch with exes months after we broke up, and things have changed - and reading some of the posts on this thread about old irons that get back in touch shows it isn't always black and white. All I know is that she's the only women I've felt this way about, and I just have a gut feeling that it isn't totally over yet.

As for Miss Haircut, I feel bad about having been on other dates, even though we haven't discussed where we see this going, so am going to have a break from that while I work out what I want. It's too easy to get carried away with OLD, and I'm not sure I like the way I've behaved recently.

I like her, we get on well and had a nice time together today, but now I'm back home, I just don't have that feeling like I can't wait to see her again. I feel bad that I might end up hurting her - but I can't stay with someone who isn't right just because I don't want to upset them. I've never really been in this position before though, so I'm finding it quite hard to work out what I want, and what to do.

We've only seen each other 5 times now, in less than a month - so it's still early days, but I'm feeling pressure (from myself) to make a decision soon.

@bangheadhere40 stay away from mr not straight!! Great your knowing what you want but it’s not me not straight!

Had a great night with mr scenery, date number 6, conversation definitely went a lot deeper, and then a whole lot of car snogging, Wow can he kiss and hold!! But still really respectful no hint of feeling me up! I could fall for him, is it now ok to start investing!! Just need to check we’re on the same page, I thought we’d covered enough big topics this evening without the exclusive chat, but I think I’m ready to come off the apps, I’ve a good thing here at the moment as far as I’m aware it’s only me trying to stuff it up.

@thecatinthehat similar! I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to see Mr Dumfries again, and I'm not used to this situation, but it's better to be honest if it's not right. I have no excitement about him visiting next weekend so it's not with it really.

Also similar about Mr Not Straight, wish he hadn't reappeared really as I can't just not like him however much I can see it's ridiculous.

I'm going to hang out for someone I like the same way but who also wants me.

Sorry! @thecatwiththehat. I can't get this tagging!

I have just come on here to vent and have nothing useful to add but if I don't get it out of my system I may say some things that aren't very kind.

What the heck is up with ex's. 2 missed calls today from a number 1 don't have saved so I didn't answer 1 around 3pm and 1 missed call 17 minutes ago. Added the number to my phone under ? To see if WhatsApp could give me a clue to who it is. It's my ex who dumped me in February last year, further known as Dickhead Cheater. It's a different profile picture but I would recognise that twat anywhere. It seems like an alarm goes off warning him that I'm happy. It's not the first time he has done this either. Did it last year around November time I think. We haven't spoken since May. I really want to text him back saying what I think of him etc but I sent back saying sorry I missed your call, can I help you, I don't have the number saved. Of course I get nothing back. What a complete and utter dick head. What is so important that you call me twice but don't bother to text back, oh wait nothing is, why even have my number still in your phone. If anything I feel sorry for him because I have moved on and he is just acting like a pathetic individual. Going to block and delete the number.

Sorry for the rant. It's just any time I'm in a good place an ex pops up. Now the insecurity comes that Mr Army knows him and it's all just a big joke. Ahhhhhhh he has just called again while writing this.

@bangheadhere40

I think your tagging is still going wrong - capitals are important in names as well.

When you start typing your @ you should get a list of contributors to the thread (and others) and then you can just click on their name.

I've attached a photo of what happens when I type an @

If you then type the first letter of their name it narrows down who you can tag until hopefully you get the person you want and then click on their name and it appears in your message rather than you having to type it all out.

Sometimes the list of people you can tag gets hidden behind your keyboard if you're on a mobile so just scroll upwards a bit on the page and the list of people should be there.

Sorry if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs but Ant was right when he said people have complained before about being tagged on a thread they dont even go on.

I like the message that explains there wont be a 2nd date. Nicely put. I've used something similar myself and had good responses. Although some do then go on to try and convince you differently, which is a bit

I agree with @shitwithsugaron I think by now you would be feeling it if you were going to, and while I dont know the full story with Miss C it's clear (maybe more so to me as I've just joined the thread) that your head is with her at the moment. That maybe because you still hoping that may work out and need a little more time or it may just be because Miss Haircut isn't right for you. Either way I think it would be kinder to have that chat.

Well he had his DC last night and I answered one of his earlier text about looking forward to the weekend and seeing me again with yeah me to hope you're having a nice evening what are you upto kind of thing (he was saying he didnt know what to do with the evening stay in or go out etc).

I looked at my phone a bit later (prefer not to message him when his with his dc) and I had a message saying not a lot, I'm outside. I was in bed by then so went jokingly said that sounds like something out of a horror film ha ha.

He then replied with along the lines of not in a I want to kill you kind of way just in a I want to kiss you kind of way. Then went onto make a joke about popping into see my neighbour instead as I didnt answer the door.

Fully prepared to be told I'm overreacting, it was just a joke but it made me feel uncomfortable. Kind of like testing me for a reaction. Like I said could 100 percent be just me. My ex was a physco and loved to play little games to get a rise out of me. In the main I've dealt with everything, and stayed single because of the impact on me he had. But Ion the odd ocassion things do crop up that make me doubt myself a bit.

ALittleBitConfused1 that is very weird behaviour. How many times have you met him? Has he been to your house before?

@Thecatwiththehat I guess part of me thinks that as it was right person, wrong time then maybe timing might be better at some point in the future

If it was the right person then there wouldn't be a wrong time. I firmly believe that, sorry.
If you really want to be with someone then you make it work.
I know you are clinging onto hope with Miss C but I really think she's not that into you, otherwise she would be with you.

And you don't have to be with Miss haircut either...perhaps neither of them are right for you. Don't settle for 'good enough' as I'd hate to be that to someone.

Twice, last weekend we had drinks, he dropped me home and came in for coffee. I dont usually have dates round I'm quite super conscious but felt completely at ease with him, and I had someone staying upstairs that night so wasnt too worried. He came in for coffee and left.

He dropped hints a few times this week about meeting for coffee or popping in for coffee on his way home from somewhere but I've very much been 'no we have plans for the weekend and I have my evenings planned for this week' so dont know if he was hunting to pop in on his way back from dropping dc off but that in its self seems strange I think.

Like I said my I defo know I can overreact to things because of stuff that has happened but also promised myself I would never ignore my gut again. Maybe I'm overthinking it but just felt like a strange thing to say. And the whole neighbour thing confused me too. My ex used to try and make me jealous with shit like this all the time. Funnily enough with one of my neighbours (long story but there was something between them) maybe that's why it hit a nerve.

He was meant to be coming over tomorrow night for a take away and movie but now I'm not looking forward to it at all. This is what I mean, one thing and I'm like nope not for me lol.

I get a list of people on a desktop site when tagging...but don't on my phone, strange!

Alittlebitconfused1 - that is very weird behaviour, I would be very freaked out if a guy I had met twice said he was outside my house. You aren't over reacting.

@Alittlebitconfused1, it reads to me that he's keen and wants to see you. I've not had any really unpleasant experiences with guys that have raised my sensitivity to stuff like this. It sounds like you have your bar set very high for what you will tolerate. I guess we have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If you have only met once in person I'd say it's pretty difficult to judge exactly what he's like. You must have liked him enough to want to see him again. I'd give him a chance and in subsequent meetings you will have more to base your decision on.

Oh it was a joke, sorry. I still find it strange.

@ALittleBitConfused1, sorry I reread and see you have met twice and felt comfortable enough to bring him into the house where he then respected your boundaries and left. I think last night was (probably ) a flirty joke that didn't come out quite right. You will be meeting him again at the weekend with a slight question mark about him but let's hope his behaviour in person reassures you.