Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@fastliving, my SIL gave me a valuable piece of advice which was to not reply to anyone that you weren't interested in. Because all you are essentially doing is getting into a conversation which ultimately you then have to back out of. I did find it difficult to ignore everyone though ( who I wasn't interested in ) because sometimes it felt too rude to ignore them if they had taken the trouble to personalise what they sent.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen

Honestly it’s not you, I know how you feel. I am feeling angsty for some reason myself right now, yes it’s happened so many times before that something has gone wrong I am almost waiting for something to be wrong and I can feel myself getting worked up over silly things. It’s a real trust thing letting someone anywhere near you, it takes great courage but also it can be a good risk or a bad one

So wise people what do you do when you get a sudden bought of needy clingy ness and self doubt?

I think it’s hormonal, I don’t tend to be all grumpy around this time of the month more emotional I would say. I’m also rarely ever like this because I don’t think things get to this point where I actually care

It is affecting my communication with Mr M as I am being very touchy and a bit passive aggressive without wanting to be. It’s like I want to bite my tongue and things just come out of my mouth. I know this is a big sign I am struggling with trust

@Lovemusic33

Good luck on your date and yes, I usually ignore!

@Clovertoast

It’s like it’s changed the dynamic a bit
when I feel like I have to tell a man how I feel and it’s in the camp of perhaps they have done something wrong, it does feel like it’s put a new slant on and kind of taken some of the shine off what was happening
Perhaps he is naturally a grumpy person, and it’s just now you are seeing it! It’s also hard to be happy all the time. I would give it a little longer but perhaps prepare that he isn’t a good fit?

@Ant330 WhT is the situation with Miss H? Sorry if I've missed an update.

I had another lovely weekend with Mr Ad and we have been having a conversation about him moving closer today. Currently he's an hours drive or two trains away, which is manageable and has been for the past 6 months but it would be nice for him to be a bit closer and he has no ties other then work when he lives so easier for him to move (I wouldn't even contemplate moving).

He doesn't have a car though so then commuting would cost a fortune so we're back to square one for now but at least the will is there 😂

@Clovertoast Best behaviour at the start - spending his time whingeing to you. Not great is it? You don't need anyone else to tell you whether something doesn't feel good

It is hard to be happy all the time @Menora you are right and what you say about it feeling like I've told him off is true. He does seem to like a grumble and a sleep!! But he admitted to me early on he likes his sleep and that it was one of the things his ex wife moaned about apparently.
As for the clingy and neediness I can't help with that. I kind of feel like I'm doing it myself at the moment!!!!

Date with Mr Unexpected is cancelled for tomorrow night. He says it's his sister's birthday and that he forgot. Wanted to see if I would see him quickly tonight which got a firm but nice no from me. Just have to see if he re-arranges.
Meant to be having a first date with Mr Army on Wednesday evening

@clovertoast
Are we dating the same man as I think the sleeping is a huge problem for me too

He goes missing for hours and is up really late so I am never sure where he is or what he is doing, I don’t really like to ask as none of my business but it sits on a weird nerve as I’m such a person of routine
I will wake up and he’s been on IG at 4am then like now, he’s got a day off I spoke to him around lunch then he’s completely AWOL not read my WA, not online so I imagine he’s just asleep it’s just a bit disconcerting we have such wildly different sleep schedules

I realised this weekend I am quite boring and haven’t been seeing my own friends so I’ve arranged to go out this Thursday and maybe I will stay up till 4am and go AWOL and see how he likes it 😂

Wise friends...my ex has just said he will have kids all weekend this weekend which is a rarity!

I want to see Mr Dumfries, but am aware we are seeing eachother tomorrow and then 2 nights at the weekend is a lot for so early.

He has mentioned on our first date some women wanted to meet up all the time which was off putting so I'm not wanting to be one of those and scare him off.

I just want someone to tell me not to message and ask him really!

He said last time he could come here next ( is tomorrow) , but i find it more hard work having a guest here and like to get out of my messy house.

So I shouldn't invite myself for 2 nights should I? Or should I mention in passing when I see him I have the whole weekend free? Or stick to the sensible 1 slot only advice and say I'm busy.

He is initiating 80% messages, says he likes me a lot etc 🤔

@bangheadhere40
Definitely mention it, can't do any harm!

I might mention but not invite myself @dance.

@bangheadhere40 if you have a weekend why don't you suggest going away? You can couch in a 'wow this never happens to me but I have a free weekend. Don't suppose you fancy a trip to x do you?'

That's a great idea @notcool but I don't really have any money spare at the moment, and don't want him to feel like he has to pay for anything.

@notcool thought you would tell me not to do it😂😂 it's only 4th date tomorrow too..so can't presume anything yet, which I'm aware of.

Haha. A free weekend is a rare thing. Even I wouldn't want to waste that @bangheadhere40 !!

@Sunshineandflipflops all over as of Sat night when I got back. She wasn't willing to try again, which I do understand.
Feel ok as I've had a couple of weeks to come to terms with it, but do miss her so will be having a break until that feeling has gone.

@dancer hope you get to see him soon....good you didn't slot him in today.

@menora re neediness, I have that, I'm learning the best thing is to do nothing when you are feeling like that...don't message / call at all. Are you guys still getting on well?

@bangheadhere40 I’d say just see him the one night and then the other see friends or have a pamper night etc. Personally I don’t think seeing your man every free night you have is always good as you need time for yourself and friends etc

@Menora maybe just leave him to it when he sleeps or is up late etc as long as it doesn’t impact your plans. Mr G has weird patterns when he’s not at work or with his kids but it’s not my business really. Do you think you are looking for little red flags ?

Aw sorry to hear that @Ant330, hope you are OK. I am lurking but nothing to say as not up to much - working 24-7 (including actually right now and most of the weekend) and worrying/stressing about divorce. Mr Rugby is being very nice and sending lots of supportive messages after our one date, which is nice of him but we don't really know each other and I don't want to be THAT person with the baggage already, so am keeping him at arms length as I have no headspace for dating right now. Mr Media is also getting a divorce and we have become each other's WhatsApp divorce coaches ... which is not conducive to romance haha, but then I always suspected we would just be friends, we are very alike and neither of us appears to have time to date. Some horrid stories of ghosting and generally shitty behaviour on here. You lovely people are all worth more than that. Glad at least Mr Ad and you are getting on @Sunshineandflipflops

Yeh if it's not going away I'd arrange one night with friends and ask if he's free the next night @bangheadhere40

Sorry to hear that @ant330 if it's meant to be it will be. I feel lucky Mr B took me back.

My date with Mr children is on for Saturday and he's traveling an hour by train to meet me so he must be pretty keen! I've decided I'm just going to go and meet him with an open mind and put the age gap issue to one side for now

@sexy good luck, this is the15 year gap? How old are you? I don't think it matters, if the man is older it's no issue so just have fun!