Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Clovertoast - agree if you aren't comfortable with it, then just stop the conversation and start talking about something else, or say you would rather not discuss it.

I'm so bloody cynical now @bangheadhere40 that assuming doesn't work for me anymore. I ask the question. Or tell them I'm still dating. Although that seems an odd concept right now as things are good with Mr B. A good thing is we can talk about anything. And he's emotionally very open. A great relief after the last one. It's usually me being the harder one to read with us.

My date went ok, not going to say amazing but we seemed to get in, he probably thought I was common as much, he’s pretty well off and was driving a pretty flash car whilst I turned up in my dirty people carrier. He didn’t look anything like his photos, slightly better looking but fatter. I’m not sure if I will hear from him again, though he did mention meeting up again (people always do until they get home). He’s out of my league in many ways, well educated, loaded and a different life style to mine but below par in the looks department. Anyway I had a nice lunch, coffee and the most amazing chocolate brownie.

@shitwithsugaron are you home? Sounds scary but hopefully it’s a quick recovery and mr list sounds like he’s being great especially as he’s got emotional stuff going on so being there for you says a lot.

@Dancerinthemoonlight hope it heals the way you want it to, sounds frustrating!

@Menora you sound so smitten!

I need to figure out what I want as well, I was talking to my councillor last night and beyond wanting someone to connect with and have a laugh with Im struggling, I think when I look too closely fear kicks in that if I know what I want, then I’ll be sad it isn’t in my life! Perhaps it’s really good mr scenery is going really slowly, means I have time to pause and think rather than get swept along in hormones and emotions!

@Onesmallstep67
I am on Fab so if you need any more hints or tips give me a shout.

I always think the men who message when there is no photo or profile just message all the new women, you can even search by new people.

I'm the same as Echo, I was clear in my profile what I did and didnt want and was clear that I wanted a face photo with the first message and if none was provided I would delete the message.

In my experience the men who wanted to use kik were married or in relationships.
Also the men who cant accomodate were generally living with partners, some genuinely couldn't accomodate but that was a small minority.

You will be inundated with messages, the etiquette is that you dont need to reply to them all, you can just delete.

Take your time getting to know people, I would chat for days on Fab before moving to WhatsApp or occasionally kik if I didn't get a positive vibe.

Dont be afraid to look for exactly what you want.
I joined Fab to find another FB or FWB and to start swinging, I wasnt looking for a relationship but I've found myself in one from a guy on Fab.
He was also not looking for a relationship but we just clicked on all levels and its progressed from there.

@Lovemusic33 that isn't out of your league it's just different lifestyles 😉

The Ant & MissH soap opera continues to rumble along 🙄 afyer 2 days of no contact she text me today to see how I was, then said she can't stop thinking about us and keeps flip flopping as to whether she's done the right thing.

I haven't really engaged other than to say I know how she feels as that's where I was a few weeks ago. I know everyone will say go no contact, block and delete, but I could only get as far as NC and archiving our WA chat 🤷‍♂️

Onesmall I agree with Sorting - be very clear what you do and don't want on Fab. Don't worry about sounding negative - have a look at some women's profiles to see how it's done. It's a woman's world on Fab. In the middle of my profile I put a phrase, and asked for that to be repeated in the subject of any message to me, or the message would be deleted without me reading it. That saved some time! I also asked for a face pic. The men will also ask for a face pic, obviously.

I met Mr BC on there 11 months ago, so whilst I wasn't looking for a relationship on Fab, I found one 😍

I'm having a minor wobble! Mr Dumfries has been working 2 hours away today, we were messaging at 2.45 and he said he was getting in his car and how was I. I replied...asked him how long he expected his journey to be and nothing. He's not read it on WA, presumed he was driving etc

I'm wondering if he will just turn up, or if something has happened....he never not replies. There is the possibility I'm being ignored and stood up but I doubt it. I'm quite concerned.

WTF do I do.....he would cancel surely not just blank me and stand me up. He should have arrived by now, or at least replied to me saying when can I expect him.....not like him at all.

Have you tried ringing him?

@ant no as I thought he would be driving. I will try him if nothing in half an hour.

He might have lost charge. Or signal. Got lost. Stuck in traffic. Got caught up with something at work. It doesn't sound like he would stand you up @bangheadhere40

Most cars have bluetooth hands free, there's nothing wrong with a quick call to check he's ok. Might be stuck in traffic 😉

@Ant330 if only say NC when you've been dumped and want to get over it. That's not the case with Miss H. I don't think you are both done quite yet. I'm not surprised she had a wobble after you ended things. And she will need to feel she can trust you again as it must have been a big shock for her.

@Ant330 what is it you want though? Do you want her back or not? I always empathise with Miss H as she seems to do things I would do! I think you should have a long think about whether you want to fight more for this or whether you don't think you are suited. Didn't your friends suggest she wasn't right for you too?

@bangheadhere40 was he coming straight to you ? The weathers bad and he could have stopped for a coffee / wee etc. Let us know thou x

I don’t think go NC if there is no animosity, I think it’s ok to stay in contact if you are both trying to thrash out your feelings although at some point, there has to be a stage where this just isn’t going somewhere or it is!

Bang I hope you hear from him soon. I don’t have Bluetooth in my car!

It’s period week for me, aside from joking he was going to block me until it was finished he is coming round for a cuddle dinner and telly we can’t see each other this weekend, after seeing each other a lot it will feel weird

The no contact was based on her having made her mind up on Saturday, there was nothing left to discuss about us as a couple. I hoped we'd remain friends so was intending no or minimal contact short term.
@Eesha yes I want her back, I screwed up! I completely understand her decision not to want to try again and the lack of trust. Trouble is how do you fight for something when you know that doing so will probably push them away. I know her, if I try and fight for it she'll just back off completely. I think she needs to decide for herself, and work out whether the days she's having a wobble are just because she feels alone 🤷‍♂️
Oh and my friends didn't necessarily think she wasn't right, more that they could see a particular similarity both to my ex and impact on me, which they didnt like seeing again. I wont go into details they're just looking out for me. MissH and I have discussed this and she doesn't want that either, so no longer an issue.

@Ant330 i think thats the right approach. This happened to me and because the person didn't chase, I had time to think things through and really missed them. Hope it works out for you.

Maybe as she's sort of opened the door to talking again, perhaps a text just saying "no pressure but if you decide you might want to try again then I'd be very happy to hear it, but take your time to work out if that's what you really want."
I dont really know what else I can do tbh, so if anybody has any suggestions I am all ears.

Has he arrived yet @bangheadhere40

@Ant330 I think that message is fine!

@Ant330 yes, im sure that would work in terms of letting her know what you want but after that, just leave it and let her figure it out on her own.

Thank you for the fab Fab advice! I am not sure if I will pursue anything on there at the moment. I'm going to be extra busy now until the end of March doing a play. Will see how things go with the irons I am already in contact with. But it's heartening to hear positive stories from the site. Another one to explore down the line.

Thank you, I'll go with that.

@Ant330 that's a really nice message I would definitely send that. I hope it works for you.

Well, my date with Mr P was supposed to be tonight at 8. It's now moved to 8.30ish as he's running late. There's probably a perfectly valid reason but I'm even irritated by that. This is a drink date and so no sex obviously and it feels like he cant be bothered.
Am I being a horrible stroppy mare ??
Or would it annoy anyone else?

@ant quick update yes, but he has to head home later..will update later.