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The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

(998 Posts)
SirChing Tue 07-Jan-20 23:25:52

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all wine

OP’s posts: |
scoobydoo1971 Wed 08-Jan-20 00:15:08

I love being single, and I am always happier on my own than with a partner. My ex husband would come back if I let him, but no thanks. I dumped a recent boyfriend because the thought of living with another adult give me the shivers...and not in a good way. Single comes with stigma....oooh what is wrong with her, and the neighbours gossip about why I didn't let 'him' move in (walls are thin). I have vowed to remain single forever as I am sick of being social worker/ surrogate mother/ financial sponsor to men who think that single mothers of a certain vintage should be just grateful for their attention. There is a reason why half the adult population is single, and I don't think it is always a bad one. Cheers to 2020, my kids, my pets, my house restoration, my work plans, our holiday.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 00:42:04

@scoobydoo1971 I totally agree with you. I am sick to death of being the person "in charge" who sorts everything out. Fine with my DD and cat. Not fine with a grown adult. Its such a turn off!

Your priorities sound the same as mine! Family, house, holiday, fun!

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mildlymiffed Wed 08-Jan-20 06:55:40

...Pours a cup of tea, whilst stretching out in the middle of my bed for one! Morning all!

1 week single here. Since NYE where the ex'd'p got pissed and fell down my stairs at 5pm, before we were meant to be going to my friends house party! I'd only just walked in from work! It was the straw that broke the camels back, with his excessive boozing, on top of joblessness and general behaviour like a man child. Only 15 months together, the mask had well and truly slipped and I'd turned into mildlymiffed nursemaid extrodinaire. Let's hope manchild soon relents with the guilt loaded texts.

And this was a man I'd met on OLD, after 12 months of dull dating, and a marriage where my 'D'h decided to have a fling with a colleague at work...

So, here's to a single and content 2020! With me and my ds(9). Who seems to be the most emotionally stable male in my life!

undercoveraessedai Wed 08-Jan-20 08:02:55

Morning! Happily starfishing in my own bed after a fortnight of sharing a single bed with my cats at my Mum's over Christmas. I'm so happy there are more of us, my friends and family have long since accepted that I'm happier single but the world at large can't cope with it hmm

Tea. I need tea.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 08:15:44

@mildlymiffed Wow, sounds like a good thing you got rid of him! My alki ex was a total dead weight too. Wanker! He has "given up drinking now" - yeah, sure he has! As if I now care hmm

@undercoveraessedai Starfishing is ace. I too have tea.

Right, I need to have a moan and be given some stern words. A couple of years ago I met a bloke online who was lovely and we could have fallen for each other. But I didn't go there as he was married. Apparently he had an "arrangement" with his wife, but I was never convinced so swerved him. We stayed in touch on and off, as he is an expert in something I am interested in, and he didn't mind me picking his brains.

Anyway, long story short, he has left his wife and shacked up with another woman. And for some reason I feel slightly jealous. Why???? I am appalled at myself. He is an unfaithful ratbag!

The only reason I never told his wife what he was up to, is that I didn't want to hurt her and he is on telly and radio and stuff, and he was the sole earner. I was worried that if it blew up and then got out, the wife and kids would suffer financially if he was dropped from his media contracts. So I kept schtum and that was that. I can't work out why I feel even vaguely jealous!

Please talk sense into me!

OP’s posts: |
Redyellowpink Wed 08-Jan-20 08:16:06

Can I join? Any other child free women?

Veterinari Wed 08-Jan-20 08:19:11

Yup child free, single and happy smile

undercoveraessedai Wed 08-Jan-20 08:24:54

@redyellowpink @veterinari yep childfree and single and happy smile

@sirching argh, bullet dodged! He is an unfaithful twatweasel and not worth your time, tears or jealousy - but I understand why you feel a bit odd. This too shall pass?!

undercoveraessedai Wed 08-Jan-20 08:26:29

@mildlymiffed happy new year without that dead weight/manchild - I hope the texts go away soon too.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 08:34:02

This too shall pass?! Yep it will. This is the bloke who sent me a dick pick and it actually looked like he had something contagious. Bleurgh!!!

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mildlymiffed Wed 08-Jan-20 08:35:22

@SirChing in reality he sounds like a womaniser. Imagine if you did have a proper thing, would you not be wondering what he was up to when he wasn't with you. Think he's a snake oil salesman- he wouldn't be all he's cracking himself up to be...

mildlymiffed Wed 08-Jan-20 08:36:06

@SirChing and from what you said about the dick pic- he's not all he's cracking himself up to be 😂😂😂

drum123 Wed 08-Jan-20 09:10:08

Join the club, it's great! I'm 64, divorced for 20 years, had a few relationships in the first few years after the divorce, but have been happily single for 15 years. I have many interests, AC and grandchildren, go on holiday on my own or with friends, never have to check in with anyone, am financially independent. If the perfect man fell into my lap, I might possibly be prepared to give him 10% of my life, but that's it. Emotionally, I am far more stable than I ever was when in a relationship and it's bliss.
OP, you said the married man was lovely - not really if he was prepared to cheat on his wife. You're probably feeling that you missed on something good since he has now left his wife rather than continue with the 'arrangement' - keep an eye on him, though, I'm willing to bet he'll be cheating on/leaving the new one within 5 years.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:24:23

Imagine if you did have a proper thing, would you not be wondering what he was up to when he wasn't with you

Oh I know, he is basically an STI with feet. He is fine as a friend, a nightmare to be involved with I think. You know when you have that knicker melting chemistry with someone? Well we had that.

@drum123 Oh I know! He will get bored and shag about again. It's what he does. He is sexually incontinent, arrogant, revels in name dropping famous people he knows like a total wanker. It's just chemistry. And he supported me through something as a friend which was very difficult, but he was brilliant with that.

I think it's a what could have been thing, even though I had a million chances with him and passed them all up. But I know I did the right thing doing that.

OP’s posts: |
NurseButtercup Wed 08-Jan-20 09:31:40

Yeahhh can I join in...I was going to say I'll bring the biscuits for the tea, but I'm currently sugar free & wheat free and those other biscuits are bleurgh. I'll bring a fruit basket instead grin

I'm going to be totally honest, ideally I would be in a loving committed & monogamous relationship. The challenge I've faced is finding someone who wants to be loving, commit and monogamous a at the same time! So using this methodology I've been single for 16 years - but I've had a few erm dalliances over the years, nothing lasting longer than 6months.

@SirChing You're jealous because if you exclude the cheating, married lying twat aspect, he's a good catch and potentially a good match. And you didn't indulge his deceit in order to find out if you were the one he would have left his wife to be with.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel jealous.
But you've got a good moral compass and that's more important imo.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:31:45

AND this is the guy who, first time we met spent the time saying "have you seen me in X" me: no.
"Have you read my books?" Me: No "What about Top Gear, you must have seen me in that" Me: Oh FFS no! I vaguely recognised your name but that's it.

He was very pissed off. Dont know why because he should have been glad I wasn't being a fan girl. Knob!

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hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jan-20 09:32:54

Chosen, happy (ish) singleton here as well.
51 - single and not dating for nearly 2 years now.
Love it.
All my time is MY time.
Watch what I want.
Eat what I want.
Go out when I want.
I'm busy most weekends with friends and family.
Lots going on in my life with older parents etc.... so don't have the time to date even if I wanted to.
Spent the evening doing my hobby last night.
Will watch crap on TV tonight.
Hobby on Thursday.
Drinks and dinner with dad on Friday.
Seeing a show on Saturday with friends and family. After a visit to see my mum (in a home now)
Birthday lunch on Sunday (DD not mine).
And fit in walking my puppy in between all of that!
Who has time for dating!!???

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:35:26

@NurseButtercup I don't even know if we would be a good match to be honest. Yes, in as much as he pours his heart out to me and I get where he is coming from. No, because I don't indulge his arrogance or big head for a minute and he knows it!

Problem is, he knows I am single and will start sniffing around, regardless of who he is with. I give him a week before he does. And I shall refuse, yet again, but the sexual chemistry is a killer. I think I need to go NC.

OP’s posts: |
SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:36:25

Fucking hell, sorry guys, this isn't very happy of me. I apologise! It just proves how right it is to stay single. I dont want this headfuckery!

OP’s posts: |
SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:40:23

@drum123 @NurseButtercup and @hellsbellsmelons you all sound so happy being single. And very very sorted out. That's what I am aiming for. Did it take long to get there? Any top tips?

OP’s posts: |
NurseButtercup Wed 08-Jan-20 09:44:39

Oh yes and I'm child free <wave>

I'm going to make this point to shut down the question that's always asked.

"Why are child free women on here?"

Because we can.
Because this is wonderful website is a space to talk to women about issues that affect women, our roles in society and general life issues.

SirChing Wed 08-Jan-20 09:51:22

Well said Nurse Buttercup! If anyone who is child free fancies borrowing a 9 year old for a bit, please let me know. I will pay you (she says hopefully) grin

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jan-20 09:54:13

@SirChing it did take a while.
ExH cheated on my after 15 years so he was outta there!
Dated immediately.
Then fell for someone who I saw for 5-6 years on and off.
Totally addicted to him. Total narcissist and a compulsive liar with a porn addiction - yep - what a catch!!??
He cheated - a lot, I later found out so he was outta there.
Did a lot of dating.
They would either fall fast and heavy or not at all.
2 short relationships ending with the 'ick factor' so they were dumped.
Then wondered, WTF am I doing this?
I have too much other stuff going on.
I don't need a man.
And I knew I'd probably never want to live with one again.
So what was the point!?
Finally got happy in my own company.
Keep myself busy with hobbies and friends and family.
I do look good for my age and have had many offers.
In fact, had a night out and shag a few months ago.
But that is really all I want.
He didn't put the toilet seats down.
And I left him in bed for a while and he didn't even make the bed when he got out.
Really brought it home to me that I don't want a messy man in my house.
He is a lovely guy and people had been trying for ages to hook us up.
No thanks!!!

NurseButtercup Wed 08-Jan-20 09:57:44

Take one day at a time.

Enjoy the simple things not having to share your bed every night, not having to smell somebody's farting in your bed/listening to their belching/clipping toenails/stealing your expensive beauty products blah blah bleurgh etc.

But you will have the moments when you miss intimacy/ come across a misogynistic tradesman who assumes no husband = opportunity to exploit the little woman. When this happens I usually have a little cry, call a friend to rant and eat chocolate or cake. This year I'm swapping eat chocolate or cake with go to the gym. wink

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