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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just slapped my arm

193 replies

LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 16:52

Been together 15 yrs. Three kids. Had up and downs but last few months he has slowly become more aggressive. Never hit me before or was aggressive. We play fight a lot but it’s just that. Messing about.
Few months ago he went to hit me with brush but stop himself. Another time he picked up a baking tray to hit me with it. He never actually did it.
This is how it started today. How petty it is. There were 3 cans of coke in the fridge, one I had left open which he had taken. So I opened a new one which for some reason he then took off me and said I couldn’t have it. So I went and got the last one out and thought screw you im having this then. When he saw this he then chased me around the table (I was laughing at this point of how stupid it was) he caught up with me and then slapped me so hard across my arm you could see his hand mark and it’s still red now. The anger on his face was crazy. Over a can of Coke. I’m shocked and furious. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Heartburn888 · 23/02/2020 16:56

Time to part ways.

Shmithecat2 · 23/02/2020 16:57

Call the police and tell him to leave.

FrogsFrogs · 23/02/2020 16:58

This does not sound good op.

You need to think what to do next.

AudTheDeepMinded · 23/02/2020 16:58

Doesn't matter that he's not done it before, or the context, nothing excuses or explains it. It will escalate, it is already on that trajectory. Leave. You do not owe him an explanation, leave.

SixesandEights · 23/02/2020 16:59

Time for you to tell him to leave.

And before you say it, no he's not a great dad. Great dads don't treat mums like this.

Queenoftheashes · 23/02/2020 16:59

Wtf what a psycho. Report him and throw him out.

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 16:59

He’s just come upstairs to ask if I’m ok. I’ve asked him to leave me alone and I didn’t want to talk to him. Said he didn’t mean to do that and because I didn’t accept his statement he told me to “fuk off then” and gave me the finger.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 23/02/2020 17:00

The not letting you have a drink is also abusive

JKScot4 · 23/02/2020 17:01

Psycho? Police?
Tbf you sound as childish and petty as each other, adults ‘play fighting’, grow up the pair of you.

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:02

He said because I drunk a few last night when I had a few barcadi I can’t have the last ones. Why not? I only wanted one. It’s weird behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:03

Play fighting is childish? It’s quite fun having a tickle and a cuddle. I agree the fight was about the can of Coke. It was absurd

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:04

They never mean it Hmm. He is a bully and is someone you do not need to be around any longer.

You and he need to be apart as of now and this level of aggression from him has been building up over time. I would report him to the police too.

Alsoco · 23/02/2020 17:04

I am pretty psycho when it comes to my husband drinking my coke but even I wouldn’t hit him over it! Would whine until the CF went to a shop for some more

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:05

You have three children here to consider. What are they learning about relationships from the two of you here?. Would you want this sort of relationship for them, no you would not.

Tulipan · 23/02/2020 17:06

It can take a long time before women leave. Don't let it get to that. You could speak to your local domestic violence unit for advice. Start making plans if it would be hard to split up immediately. Think about finances etc and start planning there as well - the divorce boards on here will have useful tips. I personally would report this to the police and take a photo of the red mark, or speak to your GP so there is a record of the incident.
Sorry xx

Tulipan · 23/02/2020 17:07

(If this is genuinely completely new, it might also be worth speaking to gp about his health)

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:09

Yes he’s never done anything like this before. Last few months something has changed.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:18

If another MNetter was writing this, what would your response be?.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

He has already showed aggressive behaviour towards you before now and today's example is a further escalation from him. This time he actually made contact with your skin. He did this to you as "punishment" for some supposed transgression you made against him (he thinks you drank too much yesterday so needed therefore to be punished).

Make no mistake here; he will do this again, there will be a next time. Is this someone who you would want to be around at all now?. Is he a good example of a parent to these kids; no he is not. They have to be considered here too.

wotsittoyou · 23/02/2020 17:20

How old are your kids and where were they when this happened?

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:24

He says we always joke around and it was a joke now. Trying to change it. He says I’m being unbelievable. I’m truly shocked. The kids weren’t in the house they are out thank god.

OP posts:
Tulipan · 23/02/2020 17:28

Ok, so what's next? He, for whatever reason, is testing boundaries. How you react now is incredibly important.

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:30

Just realised everything has shifted. I never ever felt he would ever do that and felt free to speak my mind in an argument. Now I’m worried that if I say or do the wrong thing I will get a slap. Totally shifted now hasn’t it. This is bad.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 23/02/2020 17:30

A joke? Were either of you laughing?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:31

No it was not a joke. He was being deadly serious here. I note too he is trying to put the responsibility here for all this onto you, telling you that you're unbelievable etc. Practically all abusive people never take any responsibility for their actions and its always the fault of someone else/the other person made me do it.

I would firm up plans to separate from him and as soon as you are able. I would report the mark on your arm to the GP; this needs to be recorded in terms of having a paper trail.

What do these young people think of him?. My guess is that they do not like him and in particular the ways he treats you as their mother. They probably have seen a lot more than you perhaps care to realise.

BoredOfTheBoard · 23/02/2020 17:32

@LadyLush11

He says we always joke around and it was a joke now. Trying to change it. He says I’m being unbelievable. I’m truly shocked. The kids weren’t in the house they are out thank god.

Ah so now hes minimised it to just being a joke, that leaves the way clear for him to do it again. And if you complain about being assaulted (that's what youd call it if a random did that to you in the street) you're the one in the wrong.

Nasty fucker isn't he Angry