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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just slapped my arm

193 replies

LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 16:52

Been together 15 yrs. Three kids. Had up and downs but last few months he has slowly become more aggressive. Never hit me before or was aggressive. We play fight a lot but it’s just that. Messing about.
Few months ago he went to hit me with brush but stop himself. Another time he picked up a baking tray to hit me with it. He never actually did it.
This is how it started today. How petty it is. There were 3 cans of coke in the fridge, one I had left open which he had taken. So I opened a new one which for some reason he then took off me and said I couldn’t have it. So I went and got the last one out and thought screw you im having this then. When he saw this he then chased me around the table (I was laughing at this point of how stupid it was) he caught up with me and then slapped me so hard across my arm you could see his hand mark and it’s still red now. The anger on his face was crazy. Over a can of Coke. I’m shocked and furious. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
ferando81 · 23/02/2020 17:33

The violence is one thing but the fact that he is finding you more and more irritating and is acting in a more aggressive way points to the fact that he doesn’t really like you anymore.
He will probably apologise and try to appease you because he doesn’t want to lose his home but bottom line is really doesn’t love you .

jadey0885 · 23/02/2020 17:34

I'm so sorry to hear this.
I personally feel that you should tell him to leave. Doesn't matter how king you have been in a relationship nor does it matter if you have kids. The truth of the matter is that no man should ever lay a hand on a women.

You could obviously see that he wasn't playing around. If I was you I would call the police to or call the helpline.

You must be feeling a certain way about this. And again I'm really sorry you are going through this. But you don't want him to do it again.

Update us please.

BoredOfTheBoard · 23/02/2020 17:34

Please get it documented via police/ medical staff. And tell them the truth about how it happened. When you need protection from him, the more evidence you have, the better

MrsPMT · 23/02/2020 17:35

It sounds like you said you play fight sometimes, but this escalated and was absolutely not a playfight.

Doesn't sound good to me, esp his response after, he should be very apologetic and patient with it. Not demanding that you immediately accept his apology. I wouldn't want to live with someone like this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:35

And yes this is bad. Its also a further escalation of previous aggressive behaviour from him (first it was the brush then the baking tray). This time he made contact with your arm.

I am also wondering if he has increasingly been verbally aggressive towards you. It would not surprise me if he has done this too.

Please seek help for your own self; Womens Aid are certainly worth contacting as would be the Rights of Women organisations. At the very least keep posting here and do not keep what has happened to you here a secret. Abuse also thrives on secrecy.

jadey0885 · 23/02/2020 17:36

@JKScot4
Adults play fight too it's not childish. But play fighting to the point of having fun. Not what has happen to OP.
Clearly you haven't had fun @JKScot4

OhCaptain · 23/02/2020 17:37

He’s minimising now.

DH and I joke around all the time. He would never and has never put a hand on me like that! You know it’s different and he knows it’s different.

And it had the desired effect, didn’t it? Because now you’re afraid to say or do the wrong thing in case he hits you...

Whatsmynextmove · 23/02/2020 17:39

Yesterday my ex partner (separated but still together) assaulted me with our 2 children and his daughter in the house. My eldest son was so frightened he called the police. Do something about this now before it happens again.

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:39

I took pictures of my arm straight after, as you could see his fingers still on my arm... he slapped it that hard.

And yes, he has verbally got more rude and rude towards me and patience with the kids is becoming less and less too.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2020 17:44

Please get this injury documented with both the Police and the GP; you need a paper trail now particularly if this individual starts to go on about having contact going forward with the children. He should not be around them either.

Deadposhtory · 23/02/2020 17:44

Could he be having an affair? You say over the last few months he has changed?

Wereallsquare · 23/02/2020 17:45

Oh God, OP, for the sake of the kids, end this nonsense now. Nobody here in their right mind is going to tell you any different. Start making plans. No discussion. This is not a healthy partnership.

jadey0885 · 23/02/2020 17:46

@LadyLush11
Hun do something ASAP please.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 23/02/2020 17:47

From what I've read this is a change in his behavior, a very frightening one. Something new is going on to cause this. Can you think of any thing that's changed? Could have started doing drugs? Having an affair? Something has changed him. Not that it makes it right, just wonder what it could be. It's definitely time for you to end this before it gets even worse.

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:48

I’m going to tomorrow. I just want to get the kids off to school. Things have shifted now. You can’t take that back. I’ve been in a violent relationship before and he knows this. It never gets better, I know this from experience.

OP posts:
jadey0885 · 23/02/2020 17:49

@LadyLush11
Maybe he is using this against you then Hun. He obviously thinks that he can get away with it. Changes always happen and there is always a reason behind it. This is red flags

ScabbyBabby · 23/02/2020 17:50

If it’s as you say and he has literally changed over last few months I would be wondering if he has something wrong with him- could he go to gp for tests?

Is there a possibility he is on steroids or cocaine?

RositaEspinosa · 23/02/2020 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wereallsquare · 23/02/2020 17:51

Good for you. Do you have the support of family and friends?

And since this is the second such relationship, you might want some counselling or to look into the Freedom Programme. Thanks

Original poster
LadyLush11 · 23/02/2020 17:52

No he doesn’t seem to be. He is always here. Why do you say steroids or cocaine?

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 23/02/2020 17:54

He almost hit you with a baking tray?

Next stop he’ll grab a kitchen knife and your kids will have a father in jail for killing their mother.

RositaEspinosa · 23/02/2020 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jadey0885 · 23/02/2020 17:55

@RositaEspinosa
Exactly. @LadyLush11 go to family or friends for the night and take it from there

ScabbyBabby · 23/02/2020 17:55

Because both steroids and cocaine can make people aggressive when they weren’t before.

ScabbyBabby · 23/02/2020 17:57

Also some tumours, early onset dementia etc etc - I would tell him to go to GP.

I’m not saying you have to put up with, I would have him move out but it’s just odd if it’s literally out of the blue after 15 years.

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