He just slapped my arm

[LadyLush11]

Been together 15 yrs. Three kids. Had up and downs but last few months he has slowly become more aggressive. Never hit me before or was aggressive. We play fight a lot but it’s just that. Messing about.
Few months ago he went to hit me with brush but stop himself. Another time he picked up a baking tray to hit me with it. He never actually did it.
This is how it started today. How petty it is. There were 3 cans of coke in the fridge, one I had left open which he had taken. So I opened a new one which for some reason he then took off me and said I couldn’t have it. So I went and got the last one out and thought screw you im having this then. When he saw this he then chased me around the table (I was laughing at this point of how stupid it was) he caught up with me and then slapped me so hard across my arm you could see his hand mark and it’s still red now. The anger on his face was crazy. Over a can of Coke. I’m shocked and furious. I don’t know what to do.

Woken up this morning feeling quite angry about what happened yesterday. I feel completely different about him. The fact he hasn’t even been remorseful is blowing my mind. It’s as if I’m over reacting. But I know I’m not. I’m not scared of him so don’t be worried but I need to speak to am solicitor. Going to make an appointment today. I feel like all the feelings I had for him have disappeared over night. Can’t even look at him.

@LadyLush11
I'm glad you are alright. Hopefully something gets done. Please keep us all updated..

I'm really glad you're going to get this sorted. My MIL used to go to hit my husband with objects then 'control herself' over things like not liking his choice of drink. She wasn't controlling herself, she was reminding him she could hit him if she wanted to. It's less socially acceptable to hit a 30 year old man in public than to beat your 15 year old in private though so she didn't follow through.

Good that you've got your resolve.

How dare he hit you!

Good!! Anger is what you need, how dare he treat you like that.

I just don’t understand why there’s no remorse or even said sorry. If you know you hadn’t done anything wrong why would you come upstairs to check if I was ok.

I understand what your saying @LadyLush11 but it clearly shows he doesn't care.

Get him to leave the house. Pack his shit up for him whilst he is at work and ask him to leave. Tell him that what he did was wrong and the fact that he has no remorse at all and the way he is gaslighting you now are all red flag deal breakers. If he refuses to leave call the police. I think you should report it to the police anyway. As others have said, it's good to have documented evidence. You haven't done anything wrong.

But if he showed remorse would you get over and move on?

And then what? Always be afraid of pushing him too far again?

What if one of the kids annoys him? What if he hurts one of them? Will they have to learn his limits too?

@pusspuss9 Are you serious? You really think a woman should stay in a relationship that's become physically abusive? Because that'll be better for her children??!?

What’s the threshold test for leaving then? If it’s okay once in 15 years does that mean he gets to do it again if they stay together for another 15 or is he allowed another go before then?

If a man has slapped his wife then he is a violent person.

@pusspuss9
You sound really stupid right now. No1 is trying to break anyone up. The fact of the matter is he has hit her, left her with a mark and has showed no remorse. You might allow that to happen. I've been with my husband for 13 years and have 2 children with him. If he ever hit me believe me he will be seeing the front door.

I just don’t understand why there’s no remorse or even said sorry.

It's a tactic. He thinks that if he pretends it was nothing, you will have to accept that it was nothing and any ill feeling on your part is you being mean and victimising him by punishing him for nothing.

But it was not "nothing" OP. He assaulted you.

@pusspuss9 I would far rather be the time of person to encourage someone to leave a violent man than be the type of person who thinks a marriage should be saved at all costs.

In case it has slipped your notice the OP said his behaviour has been escalating and it RARELY happens once.

But even if it was just the once - that's not worth leaving? Someone who is supposed to love and respect you goes out of his way to physically hurt you. Wants you hurt. Wants to be the one to inflict it on you...

That's not enough of a reason to leave a situation? Tell me - if your boss hit you because you messed something up in work, would you just go back in the next day and act like nothing was wrong because you'd worked there for a while without being hit?

And on that note - do you think he's ever hit a work colleague? A staff member in a shop? A doctor? A nurse? A stranger in the street?

I can tell you the answer is no - because there are consequences.

But his wife is fair game for the reasons you've stated - they're married, they have kids, they've built a life together.

One of them should be considering all of those things - him. And he should have thought of all of that before he hit her.

The aggression and threat of aggression has slowly escalated.

And now he has assaulted you and it’s affecting everything.

Trust yourself and leave him. Anyone saying differently is truly dense being irresponsible.

He gave you the finger, told you to fuck off, called you a twat and slapped you.

Just read that OP. Would you accept this off anyone else? Would he act like this to a work colleague?

If he can assault you over a can of coke, what would he do over something valuable.
You need to think hard about this
Take care of yourself you are lovely.

@pusspuss9

Some of us have lost loved ones to DV and are thus unwitting and unfortunate experts in patterns of abuse and its escalation. Do you think we take delight inseeing families, relationships and marriages break up? Do you think we are gleefully giving advice to leave? This is work many of us are doing in honour of family members slaughtered by abusive husbands. Women in abusive situations need all the encouragement in the world to leave. They default on the side of forgiveness to their own detriment. Your careless and thoughtless words could get a woman killed. Think before you post on these types of threads.

Definitely sounds like he is trying to convince you what he did wasn't that bad with his behaviour.

I'm so sorry, you must be in dreadful shock. Do you nearby support you can trust? Access to money?

@pusspuss9 WTF? You clearly have no idea about DV.

Would you tell your daughter to stick it out if her DH hit her and threatened to hit her with objects? Have you ever been scared around someone you live with?

Play fighting @pusspuss9, not a physical fight