He just slapped my arm

[LadyLush11]

Been together 15 yrs. Three kids. Had up and downs but last few months he has slowly become more aggressive. Never hit me before or was aggressive. We play fight a lot but it’s just that. Messing about.
Few months ago he went to hit me with brush but stop himself. Another time he picked up a baking tray to hit me with it. He never actually did it.
This is how it started today. How petty it is. There were 3 cans of coke in the fridge, one I had left open which he had taken. So I opened a new one which for some reason he then took off me and said I couldn’t have it. So I went and got the last one out and thought screw you im having this then. When he saw this he then chased me around the table (I was laughing at this point of how stupid it was) he caught up with me and then slapped me so hard across my arm you could see his hand mark and it’s still red now. The anger on his face was crazy. Over a can of Coke. I’m shocked and furious. I don’t know what to do.

Use of cocaine/steroids can increase aggression in the user.

Sorry to hear what’s happening OP,
How do you feel about tonight? Can you speak to anyone for support?
What would help you?

@ScabbyBabby

Women in this situation are looking for every reason to stay and explain and minimise violence. I do not think your comments are at all helpful.

He's abusive and now escalating

He really needs to go

Do you have friends you can confide in?

Give up the play-fighting - both with this man and the next one - as you most assuredly should go.

He left a red hand mark??? That's an almighty slap.

Fuck that OP, absolutely fuck THAT.

Play fighting isn’t childish.

This is horrendous though OP, he’s been on the verge of hitting you several times with objects and has now smacked you incredibly hard.

With such a marked shift in personality I’d think either affair or medical condition.

Either way you need to get yourself somewhere safe.

If my dh had hit me as a joke he'd be begging my forgiveness on bended knee if i was hurt by it. He meant to do it and he meant to hurt you . Now youre meant to get over it.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Even if it is related to health or substance abuse, he's got to leave while he sorts it out. If he even wants to.

Do you jointly own anything? Do you have access to finances?

Get some legal advice.

I hope you took a photograph of the mark on your arm?

Give up the play-fighting

Why?

I’m just sat in the bedroom trying to process what’s happened. The kids are back now so he is sorting them. We haven’t spoken again. I think I’m in shock actually.

Yes I took a picture of the mark. I’d post it here if I could to show you all.

Definitely stop any play fighting with anyone ever as it blurs the lines. I think he also needs to leave.

Definitely stop any play fighting with anyone ever as it blurs the lines.

Jesus! Stop victim blaming! Thousands if not millions of people manage to joke physically without one of them aggressively hitting the other.

Play fighting has nothing to do with him assaulting her!

We’ve always play fighted for years and he’s never been agressive or slapped me like he did today. Im going to do a bit of detective work.

Op his controlling behaviour I.e you are only allowed 1 can of coke it's not fucking Normal it's a big fucking red flag cant you see? Hes testing your boundaries each time seeing how far he can get away with? Each time he will get worse and eventually he will normalise his abuse so you can see it only an outsider. Please report him to the police dont take him back I'm sure he will threaten to kill himself etc but that's typical loosing control behaviour. 0please op get out whilst you are still able to because it will get to hard for you eventually

It's not about victim blaming it's about keeping yourself safe. Once aggression has begun in a relationship any kind of opportunity can be dangerous. Any kind of pushing, holding or hitting, even in jest, is a bad idea.

OP can you leave tonight and stay with friends or family? or call the police and ask him to leave? he is already changing the story by minimising (suddenly it was a joke??) and trying to gaslight you. physical distance from him - to see the situation clearly and also to keep safe would be best.

So OP needs to tip toe around and manage her own perfectly fine behaviour so the aggressor doesn’t assault her again?

That’s victim blaming.

I think he needs to leave. But I also realise that's no easy thing to make happen in the short term. In the meantime, I'd avoid anything he could escalate.

@LadyLush11
Can you keep us all updated?
I think that most of us are really concerned

If someone hits you

a) they want to hurt you
b) they don't like you

This being the case, you have to decide whether you want you and your children to stay with this person.
Personally, I'd find sharing a home with someone who disliked me enough to want to hurt me intolerable.

And you do realise that now you know he will hit you he will never have to lose an argument again, nor you win one.?

There is no acceptable level of violence from a partner.

I completely agree with the PP who said he's testing your boundaries. If he knows you've endured it before, he thinks you will do so again.

You need to get out, lovely, while you can and look after yourself tonight, you're very rightly in shock.