He just slapped my arm

[LadyLush11]

Been together 15 yrs. Three kids. Had up and downs but last few months he has slowly become more aggressive. Never hit me before or was aggressive. We play fight a lot but it’s just that. Messing about.
Few months ago he went to hit me with brush but stop himself. Another time he picked up a baking tray to hit me with it. He never actually did it.
This is how it started today. How petty it is. There were 3 cans of coke in the fridge, one I had left open which he had taken. So I opened a new one which for some reason he then took off me and said I couldn’t have it. So I went and got the last one out and thought screw you im having this then. When he saw this he then chased me around the table (I was laughing at this point of how stupid it was) he caught up with me and then slapped me so hard across my arm you could see his hand mark and it’s still red now. The anger on his face was crazy. Over a can of Coke. I’m shocked and furious. I don’t know what to do.

Textbook escalation. Once they do this it only seems to go one way except in rare circumstance.

Please get out to your mum’s OP, and call the police.

My ex thought it wasn’t violence because he hadn’t hit me. he looked at the enormous bruises all up my arms and saw the pain I was in because he’d hurt my ribs but it still wasn’t violence because he hadn’t hit me. He was sorry, and I stupidly believed him. It wasn’t the first time and it certainly wasn’t the last. Please don’t stay with a man who hurts you.

Op are you OK?

Are you out of there OP?

Sorry to see your update OP. You know what you have to do now. He has shown you his true self.

Please be safe.

The violence is one thing but the fact that he is finding you more and more irritating and is acting in a more aggressive way points to the fact that he doesn’t really like you anymore.
He will probably apologise and try to appease you because he doesn’t want to lose his home but bottom line is really doesn’t love you .

Yes this exactly, he is so angered and sick of this relationship that this has happened. Not excusing it but it sounds like this relationship is petty and unfulfilling and he's snapped.
You can either both grow up quick, start having a properly adult relationship and go to counselling or this is the end of the road.

@madcatlady....

What the hell! DV apologist or what!

You are telling the OP (and the DP) to grow up, when he’s hit her twice now and he also said “if I wanted to have punched you in the face l would have”. How is that in anyway okay? How is advising the OP to go to joint counselling with someone who has physically hit her (and left marks) okay?

@LadyLush11 you need to leave. Do not have any joint counselling with him and ignore >insert< friends/family/keyboard warriors that tell you that you are partially responsible for another adult physically abusing you.

OP there's absolutely no way on God's green earth that the initial slap came out of nowhere.

You've been in an abusive relationship for 15 years which has now escalated to physical abuse.

And for those saying it's just a slap, please don't comment on posts featuring abuse as there's something wrong with you.

Please call the police and report him. His behaviour is escalating and he needs to be stopped in his tracks. Reporting him now will also help you in the future divorce.

My friend's exDP always maintained that he never hit her. He bit her, pinched her hard enough to leave black bruises, threw things at her (chairs, remote controls, plates), pulled her hair, pinned her against the wall by her throat, but according to him he never hit her. The mental gymnastics these abusive men can do is astounding. Please report him and leave.

I think it’s rare for abuse to suddenly happen after 15 years together, I suspect your “play fighting” may have also been abuse disguised as a “bit of fun”. You need to leave ASAP OP as this is escalating.

And before anyone calls me a DV excuser having been through it myself.
How many of you have slapped your toddler or child hard on the leg or arm for being absolutely exasperating and then felt dreadful afterwards like the worst parent in the world.
You too deserve to be dragged off by the police and to lose everything. You know you'll never do it again, but you feel like death. There is no difference.

Not everyone slaps their child and there is a massive difference.

He is slapping his partner in anger and aggression and telling her it could be a punch in the face. He is NOT feeling bad afterwards. He is THREATENING her with worse if she doesn't behave herself.

Getting out BEFORE he does worse is the right action to take.

He has crossed the line, been given a second chance and told her he could do worse to her.

Appalling victim-blaming from madcatlady. It doesn't matter how exasperating your partner is--you don't get to hit them. FFS.

OP, I wish you the best. Please stay safe, and get whatever professional help you can.

Yeah... I don't hit my kids (or anyone else) because I am capable of controlling myself. We all are. Try it some time.

@LadyLush11

I'm sorry that your thread keeps getting derailed. I hope you're okay.

Did you get to your mum's?

I hope you are okay @LadyLush11

OP I hope you're safe and your mum is giving you the hugs, tea and moral support that you and your DC need.

You are absolutely doing the right thing to leave, and I agree with 12345kbm that when you look back with a clear vision you'll be able to see that the abuse has gradually escalated over time.

When you saw the solicitor before, was the advice helpful?

I would strongly consider calling Womens Aid for advice and I really do think you should report both assaults to 101 as this will aid the police to respond quickly if he tries to harass you.

What he has done is completely unacceptable and you are teaching your DC a very valuable lesson by not tolerating it.

You have given him a second chance - he threw it away.