Relationship being kept a secret.. my self esteem is so low.

[Confus3d]

Hi all.
Back story first!
I'm hoping you can help me.. I met my partner (age 30) in june 2019 and we seemed to have a wonderful relationship, he didnt want to rush into things and meet my daughter (age 7) I got that and for 4/5 months after everything was lovely. We saw each other frequently & spent as much time together as possible.
At the end of October his parents came home (they spend 6 months of the year living in france) and things changed.
His parents (who have never met me/spoken to me) decided they didn't like me and i wasnt good enough for their son and told him to break it off (apparently, having a child, makes me not good enough) he did break it off but we seen to gravitate towards each other, and 2 weeks later we were back together.
Since then our relationship has been a secret, he 'works late' to see me, secret trips to hotels after work for the odd hour..
He wont even discuss the idea of us not being a secret.. he says it's not worth the hassle from his parents?
I just dont know what to do. I love him but I hate being a secret, I hate that he pretends I dont exist when he is at home (still lives with parents) no phone calls at weekends, sneaky night time messages and then meeting on his terms after work.
He says he loves me but my self esteem has never been lower. I feel low, not good enough and lonely.. today is valentines day and I cant even ring him as he wouldnt answer as he is at home.
I'm a 28yo female, mum of 1, professional women.
What do I do? How do I speak to him about this? Has anybody experienced this before? If I push him he will always chose to keep them happy over me.. but equally, is it fair to live like this? Surely after being together for 8 months (bar 2 weeks) we shouldn't have this problem??

Please help as I am so so so so so confused and low right now!!

Your completely right.
I do miss the idea of him. I miss him really not the idea of him and what we had before his parents came back.. not what we had now

He sounds like a loser.

Who listens to mummy and daddy at 30??

Get rid

As a young divorcee,I had a relationship many years ago like this ie a secret, that ended.
He told me he had met someone else!
Subsequently, I heard from his brother, that his parents had found out about me, told him that he would be disinherited, removed from the family firm, if he didn't give me up.
Despite being distraught at the end of a relationship with someone who was just so "right" for me, I couldn't get over the fact that they had so much "hold" over a seemingly adult male, and that he recognised how this made him look hence his lie.
When you feel ready to I would insist that you are not a secret and ask why is he seemingly afraid of his parents? or why their approval is so very necessary to him?
I doubt he can actually explain it, the whole situation shows his character to be flawed.
Stop letting him dictate terms you cannot continue like this.

I went on to meet someone whose parents did not "approve"of me (I was divorced and they were strict Catholics) we married (they never came to the wedding) and 40 years on we are still happily married.
If he is not prepared to stand up to them he is not worth it.
He is not worthy of you

Omg op, give your head a wobble. If this man won't even stick up for you in the first instance he'll never have your back. It's nothing but a whole world of pain. That's if the relationship ever went anywhere, which I strongly doubt.

Op! You have gotten the poor boy grounded now! His mum will have taken his phone away from him for a week.. No screen time for a week! And straight home, tea and then bed also for a week! The naughty boy will get taught a lesson!

I feel so sad for you . The fact he left you to deal with having a termination on your own is beyond shocking .
He is weak , he can’t and has no desire to,stand up to his parents . I agree with Salmon, for me that would be such a turn off. Things will never change , they don’t accept you because to them , you are beneath him ( although that is very obviously not the case ). He will never stand up to them because he’s gutless.
Things may have been great at first , but he has shown you now , who he is , and what he stands for , ( in his case F all )
Leave this mummy’s boy to his awful family , and find yourself a real man

This man needs help. I don't necessarily agree with all the post that have said he is spineless. His parents are exercising undue control over his life and he is unable to stand up to them. This sounds like coercive control and psychological abuse. I saw my dad go through this with my mum. She controlled everything about his life, and our lives which meant that we couldn't move out even though we wanted to. Could they be doing the same? It sounds like it OP. He needs to be aware of this kind of abuse & seek help. Please make him look into it. It's then up to you whether you want to stay for the journey.

Really good you ended this ‘relationship’ OP, it’s the first step in building self respect.

Sorry didn't see that you'd already called it off.
Just wanted to say - it's not that his parents didn't like you despite you being a strong independent person. It's that they didn't like you because you're a strong independent person. If it's coercive control then they would see you as too much as a threat because they would then lose control of their son.