Just for laughs, what's the most ridiculous comment your ex has thrown at you during divorce?

[Cherrypop99]

Having watched "Marriage Story" last night, I had to chuckle as it seems that during a divorce, two people (who were once in love) seemingly always end up ripping each other to shreds!

I received a foul letter from my ex via my lawyer yesterday with wording that read : "As you are aware your client has a well-documented history of abuse, physical assault and harassment. As a result of her behaviour, your client has been advised by the police to cease all contact with me." No idea where this came from, but I cried with laughter!!

Oh.... the games we all play hey?!!! Anyone else got any funny divorce stories to tell?

Light hearted thread

Girlfriend said as her ex was driving off, throwing his wedding ring out of the window, he called out “I am leaving you, not the children “.
She said, funny, when she looked around, the kids were with her, not him.

@Rationalcat

Hah! That’s the gist of what xh said too! Unbelievable eh?

Also was told by someone with good authority (they were in a position to know) that he didn’t think he’d actually have to follow through and get divorced - he filed first because he was trying to force me to stay in the US with DS. I think he thought he could leave me in limbo forever.

My ex-H when I kicked him out after finding out he had had an affair, resulting in him fathering a child "I cant believe you're not willing to fight for me. Clearly you never loved me in the first place.

Oh and he also presented me with 3 quotes for having laser to remove the tattoo of my name across his shoulder blades. He felt it was 'only fair' that the cost of that be included in our divorce deal

I need to ask my dh if he wants to change my tampon next month 😂.

I think I know the answer but i really should check.

That he was the best I could ever expect to get, I would never get anyone who would treat me as well as he did. Considering he was abusive, raped & gaslighted me, I would hate to see the worst I could get.

I'm sure I must win this one. (although not sure what I won!)

Mine messaged me in Klingon, and when I translated it, apparently it said I ' had no honour'

Lucky escape.
I won't lose any sleep.

Me - please can you turn up to see the children on a Saturday when you are meant to see them because if you dont I will lose my job. (I had to work shifts and I couldn't get childcare on a Saturday.
Him- but that would be amazing if you lost your job because then you and the kids would end up in a council house and I could come and see them whenever it suited me and not have set days.

I dont think he realised/ cared that you dont just get handed a council house and I still would have wanted a routine for the children even if i lost my job.
Instead I moved in with family, struggled, kept my job, brought my own house and have recently got promoted. Thanks to my mum helping with the children not him. 🤨

He messaged in Klingon. I properly laughed at that.

Treacletoots

internet Qapta' SoH

I'm impressed you translated it.

"Yes I shared a hotel room in London with a strip dancer for 2 nights, yes we slept in the same bed but I didn't have sex with her"

It’s impossible that you saw me on a dating website. You are mistaken
*i have screen shots

Well then It must be an old account from before I knew you
*i took the profile photo

That mobile phone you found in my coat pocket isn’t mine. Someone must have accidentally put it in my coat while it was hung up in the office. Why don’t you trust me

Mine messaged me in Klingon, and when I translated it, apparently it said I ' had no honour'

You win!

I'm a gold digging destroyer of people! I got less out of the divorce financially then him as I paid off all our debt. I support all 3 children, and he calls every night, such fun

Ooh I've just been reminded of one.

When my ex husband was wanting to buy a house with his new wife (OW) but was still on the joint mortgage with me.

"Well can't you sell the house? With so many kids you'd go straight to the top of the council housing list and get a council house".

Hmmm......

We weren’t married (thank god) but I got called ‘money obsessed’ for expecting him to pay the grand total of £7 a week that CMS said he had to pay

Our marriage broken down because he had an affair.
Before he moved out, he lost the plot one night saying that he bet I poisoned his food Considering that he was eating the sane food as the kids and I that's so likely Still makes me laugh - I guess he couldn't accept that I wasn't going to stoop to his level and do something devious.

STBXH accused me of happily "picking over his carcass" because I want more than a 50p/c share of the equity.
He earns 12* more than me but he needs the money because he wants to retire in 5 years (he's 37). Meanwhile, I will be working until I'm 70 at least.

Ex cheated, told me it was my fault, I was too fat, not attractive enough, yada, yada. Also literally threw me onto the streets, as it was his house.

A few weeks later, OW dumped him, and he begged me to go back. No fucking chance! Then he heard Id gone on a date with someone, he had the brass neck to ring, me crying that I should wait to start dating until he’d had time to get over our split.

I sarcastically asked him if he’d ring me and let me know when it was ok for me to resume my life. He actually agreed that was a good idea and solemnly promised he would.

My exh told me it was my fault that he'd had sex with someone else because I didn't get on with his mother and it caused him stress

Standing at the front of the courts with my ex and his solicitor during property settlement. After telling me "I'd porked it on a bit", he told me to change my surname because I wasn't really a "His Surname". I was fed up with his silly comments and calmly said, "Well, I could ask the same of you because you aren't a 'His surname' either". It was a cruel comment from me because he's adopted and has always had hangups about it, but gee it felt good to say! The look on his face.......... priceless!

One of the reasons my exDh put down was 'she didn't make my packed lunch for work '! Lol

Wow. What a cruel wife you were! The poor little man! I bet you didn't wipe his @rse either!

These are all such princes amongst men- I cannot fathom why you are not still all together haha! Where they too perfect? (Chortle)

Not me but my parents during a very messy divorce. He told my DM that she couldn’t tell their children about him having an affair as it would be her fault if we were upset. He basically gaslighted her. So then he had to provide details of her unreasonable behaviour to file for divorce. They were all completely bizarre but my personal favourites were:

She took all his hard earned money (she was a SAHM) and gave him an allowance and he had to ask if he wanted extra. The only reason behind this was he was bloody useless with money and they’d never have paid the mortgage or bills on time if she hadn’t sorted it which he asked her to do. He also had bank cards for their accounts which he could use to withdraw money whenever he wished

She referred to his mum as “your mum”. As in she’d say “are we going to your mum’s this weekend”

Whilst cooking the Sunday lunch and then clearing away afterwards, she made too much noise banging kitchen cupboard doors and he couldn’t relax with the Sunday papers

This all backfired on him in the end as she was so incensed when she got the divorce papers she told us he’d been having an affair for 3 years

He was then surprised in court when he was ordered to pay her maintenance even though the children were all adults as he’d always told her she didn’t need her own pension/savings/earnings as he’d always provide for her