Just for laughs, what's the most ridiculous comment your ex has thrown at you during divorce?

[Cherrypop99]

Having watched "Marriage Story" last night, I had to chuckle as it seems that during a divorce, two people (who were once in love) seemingly always end up ripping each other to shreds!

I received a foul letter from my ex via my lawyer yesterday with wording that read : "As you are aware your client has a well-documented history of abuse, physical assault and harassment. As a result of her behaviour, your client has been advised by the police to cease all contact with me." No idea where this came from, but I cried with laughter!!

Oh.... the games we all play hey?!!! Anyone else got any funny divorce stories to tell?

Light hearted thread

Very earnestly: I'll respect your decision to split, but I really need to understand why you feel the need to.

He'd slept with prostitutes for nearly a decade, beginning with when I was pregnant. He genuinely doesn't get it.

Exh reported new bf for assault by water bombs. Made a statement that my grade 2 haired bf aged 30 threw numerous water bombs at him from our window..
Bf was arrested one bank holiday Monday - woken up by smirking officers.
Until ds 13, long shaggy hair, admitted truthfully it was him...
Should have been charged with wasting police time imo.
Coppers stayed for a cuppa and we had a laugh!!

This is gold! I am glad I can laugh at it now and all of your contributions, shows how far we've come. I keep having things pop into my head by virtue of this thread. One of my favourite things was when my exh found my threads here (never found out how). 3 concurrent threads that kept me going with the support of many wonderful vipers and he decides to post.The take downs were classic and he was banned by MNHQ. He then printed the whole lot out and presented it in court with a key to make sure the judge knew who was being referred to (the awful nicknames we gave to him and OW). He also took them to the police citing harassment of him and OW. Got him absolutely nowhere, the insufferable prick. Still laugh about that now

Mine repeatedly claimed, including in mediation, that he had been forced to leave the family home because I was 'controlling and abusive' and it was my fault he was homeless. I later found out he was living with his girlfriend and his new daughter by accident when his secretary let it slip that he was on paternity leave!
Unbelievably, when I then called my in laws to confirm the truth of this, his solicitor sent mine a letter stating that enquiring after his new family was troubling and unacceptable. We were/are still married!
In other hilarious news he is currently claiming he needs more equity form our home than me as he 'has a family to support'.

And more....

I am living with my current family*

*OW and her son

"She never made any financial contribution to the marriage"

Fact-check : If I hadn't paid the entire mortgage and all the bills out of my salary, we would have been living in a tent. Fucking cheek. He likes to lay on the sofa and say "something will come up" when he had no work 🙄

My ex has demanded £20 per child per visit, from me as he reckons he's too skint to take them out. Haven't told him to fuck off to the far side of planet GetFucked yet. But I will.

Slightly confused as to why my comment was deleted but nice to know I'm not the only one with a nutty ex.

Oh the tooth pulling conversations and non sensical comments 😂

I spent the joint Nectar points without his permission. I also swore on MN. Both these things the judge should take into account...this was the sort of woman he was married to!!

Me and the ex are fighting over maintenance...he works full time the amount he’s suggesting is too low and his demands for me taking the toddler to him to high (financially and stress on child)

This is his latest “idea”
I'm going to put Jan and Feb maintenance money in a savings account for kid and will continue to top that up each month. That way I know the money will go towards kid

He told me he couldn’t afford to pay anything at all last two months

He moved in his new GF the day I moved out. So I spent the joint BA airmiles on a first class return flight to New York with my friend, we had a fabulous time, on my return I drank the last bottle of our very nice wine. Think he was more pissed off about the wine (I shared it with my mother) 😂😂

Ex h announced he wanted a divorce after our one and only argument ( over his mother saying I had made her feel uncomfortable one day they came over as I had said I was on the way out and couldnt stay for a cuppa etc) i genuinely was on my way out.

He divorced me on the grounds of unreconcilable differences.

One of the reasons actually listed was that I didn't have enough time for family time - he handed his notice in when ds was three weeks old as he wanted to be a stay at home dad so I had been working 60 hour weeks to pay the mortgage and bills from ds being a month old. Twat.

I lost my job on the Wednesday then miscarried my first baby on the Saturday.
I cried and cried and cried.
He told me I was pathetic and should pull myself together.
A couple of weeks later...
My childhood school friend was found dead age 36- her two small children (2&4) were with her and thought she was sleeping on the sofa. The 2 year old was actually sleeping on her at the time, all cuddled in. She was cold when her hubby got home from work and found her there.
Me finding out the news in floods of tears told exh - He said 'that's not my problem' and walked out.

He took me for unreasonable behaviour because I joined match.com 4 months after I left him.

He told me I was used damaged goods and no one else would ever love me.

I have made a complaint against the law firm who represented him, they broke basic rules/code of conduct in how they treated me.

I now have a wonderful life, in a new town where I have made new friends, with a new partner and a 6 month old son who is my world.

My lawyer 'strongly advised' I did not name OW and go for unreasonable behaviour.

So I listed about 10 points of the UB.

He rang me.

"You can't say that"

But you DID those things.

"Yes, but this is a public document. [I am a professional]. People cannot see those things"

But YOU DID those things.

"Yes, but I cannot let other people see those things in a pubic document."

His complete lack of remorse (no, oh my God I am such a prick I need to change), only impression management...

still breaks my heart, years later. It still hurts tbh

I split from the ex way back in the 80s. He couldn't blame Mumsnet as it didn't exist. He claimed Cosmopolitan gave me 'ideas'.

That I'll never meet anyone else because I'm bad at housework.

Never married him but apparently it was "unreasonable" and "unfair" of me to expect him to a) turn up for prearranged contact at the time he had requested or b) let me know that he wouldn't be attending because he was "too tired" from work. He lived 5 mintes drive away.

Sent me a bizarre letter accusing me of carrying out a machiavellian plot that extended throughout the entire duration of our marriage to trick him into becoming a father (which was mutually agreed) and to ‘conduct myself in a manner that would draw certain behaviour from him’ that I knew he was ‘predisposed to’ as an excuse for his controlling and abusive behaviour. It remains the most bizarre and mind bending thing I have ever read.

Most recent one from my ex ‘I have hardly any money to spend on myself’ welcome to the world of parenting!

This thread is sooooooo good. What a tonic to wake up to !!

Some if these are just some typical! Some are 😳, but some of them are just heartbreaking

@turnedaround. I’m sorry you went through so many awful things & very sorry your Ex was such a total wanker. I’m glad your life is SO much better now🌷

@realunicorn. The MIL bit is really bizarre! The rest is awful, I’m glad you left him

@AmelieTaylor it was very bizarre. I'd spent a lot of my own money 2 months earlier with a surprise vow renewal for his parents on their 30th anniversary which his mum had always wanted to do. I was daughter they always wanted etc etc then BOOM 🤯

We've been amicable since it was just a very strange time. my own mum swears that there was something else going on and eventually we will find out more.

“It was only an emotional affair until we split up, I didn’t sleep with him” - didn’t believe it at the time and her family member later confirmed it was absolute BS. She still maintains the lie more than 5 years on.

Ex also accused me of being a psychopath because apparently he'd been trying to hurt me for years and I hadn't noticed or reacted as he wanted. That makes me the psychopath?

I didn't know anything about red flags back then and had no idea that all the being rude to waiters, train staff, estate agents and moving companies was deliberate. Or the embarrassing drunken behaviour at work events in front of my colleagues and contacts. I was young and stupid enough when we met to think he was a lovable idiot who needed some guidance. I'm shaking my head now at the amount of apologising and covering up I did for him.

It was only when pregnant with DC1 that the scales really fell from my eyes but thank god also for MN and straight-talking friends.

He left very suddenly and without warning. Literally went to the shop and never came back. His parents came over a couple of months later to box and collect his stuff. After that nothing. No contact with Baby DS, no maintenance, nothing. He recently resurfaced after 15 YEARS and complained bitterly that some of his clothes were missing and that I must have thrown them away if I couldn’t find them!

I need you to able to talk to me, and you need to make me believe that my words and/or actions aren't said/done to make your life worse

Once you get past the grammar, this is 1) making me responsible for how he sees himself and 2) against really quite a lot of evidence that he has made life much harder!!